I'll be the first to admit that my perspective is often warped by the culture, by those around me, and mostly by my own flesh. The sinful tendencies that still linger within my fleshly body cause me to exalt my own character and justify my unholy behavior. The fact that I have been walking with the Lord for some time is an excuse I use to arrogantly puff myself up and compare myself to those around me, when I find myself "better" than others I can become content with where I am in my own spiritual growth. On the flip side I can recall many times I have wallowed in self-pity and despair as I examine my own sinfulness and find myself unworthy of the grace of God. Somewhere along my thought process I have changed God's free gift into something I must merit or earn. I wonder how he might still love and want a sinner like me. And yet that is far from what Scripture teaches. Paul seems to be one of the greatest examples of how to deal with both of these tendencies for the Christian. He provides both a reality check and hopeful encouragement through His teachings.
In 1 Timothy 1:15-17 we read, "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen."
Paul is teaching Timothy something that he has been taught through the Spirit's sanctification: REALITY! What I mean is that Paul sees himself in light of what Scripture teaches and sees God in TRUTH. He recognizes that he IS the WORST of all sinners, that left in that sin he deserves nothing but an eternity in hell and that he is in desperate need, DAILY, of the mercy and grace of God. Do I see myself like this? Do I recognize that I AM the chief sinner? Do I compare myself to the only standard there is, perfect holiness? Do I KNOW who the Almighty really is...perfectly holy and righteously just? Is my perspective accurate or have I made God into my own image? Have I decided to think I in some way am deserving of the grace I deserve? Paul's reality check is a good one for us to continually assess ourselves with. I know I myself need to constantly check my heart, my perspective, my reality and remind myself of Truth in this Truth.
Paul continues to teach Timothy another Truth in this passage as He encourages him to rest in the completed work of Christ for forgiveness of sin and salvation. Paul reminds Timothy, and himself, of God's patience, love, grace and mercy that is displayed through the cross. He encourages with the precious Truth of eternal life. That it is not by anything of oneself, NOTHING, that one receives the GIFT of salvation, but rather through the perfect love of a Savior. This should provide comfort and security for the believer. When we sin, we run to the cross. When we fail, we cling to the promise in Jude that HE is the one keeping us. When we are discouraged, we hope in HIM. When we are relying on ourselves we remind ourselves that He has lifted the burden, the yoke we are trying to bear and given us rest. May we hope soley in the perfect work of our precious Savior and be thankful.
And what is our response to all of this, whether we find ourselves being humbled in our arrogance or encouraged in our hopelessness??? GLORYING IN CHRIST! Paul finishes his exhortation here with teaching the RIGHT response to our reality check, and that is glorying in the everlasting, perfect God! May our hearts continually praise Him for WHO HE IS, for WHAT HE HAS FREED US FROM, and for WHAT HE HAS IN STORE FOR THE ETERNAL KINGDOM!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Teach Us to Number Our Days
I tend to be the type of person who always has one eye on the future, one foot forward, and my hopes fixed on what's to come. Although I have seen the benefits of being prudent and wise with my resources and time, I have also found a temptation, a tendency, that can often result in anxiety and a lack of gratitude with what I have been blessed with. You see, I find myself so often looking and hoping in the future that I miss the precious moments of today. I forget to stop and smell the roses so to speak. I forget to be see every distraction, every hiccup in "my" plans, every detour in my day, as a providential move by the hand of a Father who is making me more like Jesus and seeking to use those all for GOOD in my life (Romans 8:28).
I recently came across Psalm 39:4-7 which reads:
" Show me, O LORD, my life's end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting is my life.
You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Each man's life is but a breath.
Selah
Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
He bustles about, but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.
"But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you."
and Psalm 90:12
" Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom."
These simple passage brings so much truth as the Psalmists prays for a reality check, an ability to understand or comprehend the shortness of his life, and the purpose therein. I guess in my mind I often forget that too. I forget that I don't know how many years, days, or hours I have left before I go home to be with Him. And yet I live as if I have forever on this earth. I look to the future often times and end up living with worry and anxiety because of uncertainty when I don't even know if that future is coming, or how it will all play out. If I only could number my days I might be more faithful with what the Lord has entrusted to me TODAY, and also see every change of plans as a blessing, a divine blessing from a good and gracious Father who has already written all my days (Psalm 139).
My encouragement to you is also to myself- Lord, teach us to number our days. My prayer is that we would seek to use our days to glorify Him in ALL we do, that we would see everything as an opportunity to work as unto Him or bring Him honor and praise, that we would be THANKFUL for everything that comes our way, and that our eyes would always be seeking that which is above. Although we need to be prudent and wise in our planning and preparation for the future, that should never cause us to stubbornly hold onto our agendas or find ourselves in worry over what has not come to pass; for after all, He is the author and we are but vessles in the hands of the PERFECT Father who is working everything together for our good and His glory!
I recently came across Psalm 39:4-7 which reads:
" Show me, O LORD, my life's end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting is my life.
You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Each man's life is but a breath.
Selah
Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
He bustles about, but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.
"But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you."
and Psalm 90:12
" Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom."
These simple passage brings so much truth as the Psalmists prays for a reality check, an ability to understand or comprehend the shortness of his life, and the purpose therein. I guess in my mind I often forget that too. I forget that I don't know how many years, days, or hours I have left before I go home to be with Him. And yet I live as if I have forever on this earth. I look to the future often times and end up living with worry and anxiety because of uncertainty when I don't even know if that future is coming, or how it will all play out. If I only could number my days I might be more faithful with what the Lord has entrusted to me TODAY, and also see every change of plans as a blessing, a divine blessing from a good and gracious Father who has already written all my days (Psalm 139).
My encouragement to you is also to myself- Lord, teach us to number our days. My prayer is that we would seek to use our days to glorify Him in ALL we do, that we would see everything as an opportunity to work as unto Him or bring Him honor and praise, that we would be THANKFUL for everything that comes our way, and that our eyes would always be seeking that which is above. Although we need to be prudent and wise in our planning and preparation for the future, that should never cause us to stubbornly hold onto our agendas or find ourselves in worry over what has not come to pass; for after all, He is the author and we are but vessles in the hands of the PERFECT Father who is working everything together for our good and His glory!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Why Walk in a Manner "Worthy"?
I have just recently started studying the book of Colossians and I am overwhelmed, in the best way possible, I am overwhelmed at who our God is. As I read through chapter one over and over again the Truths resonate in my heart and humble me more and more. I have been rescued, I have been redeemed, I am HIS...how amazing is that reality. Here is just a bit of the rich Truth I have discovered, be encouraged! Chapter 1 verses 10-14 are some of my favorite thus far:
"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you[d] to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."
Here is Paul writing to the church at Colossae and exhorting the believers there to live a life WORTHY of the Lord, pleasing Him in EVERY way. That charge is impossible and yet it is the reality of discipleship, we have been called to as 1 Peter 1:16 says, BE HOLY and therefore regardless of the fact that we will never be perfect in how we live, we should be living a life that seeks to please Him perfectly. With His strength we make strides in this endeavor and bear fruit as Paul continues because we are growing in the knowledge of the one who is strengthening us. Therefore the encouragement is to be in the Word, daily, whenever you can, so that you will be strengthened and that you will endure to the end.
And why? Well, because HE HAS QUALIFIED YOU! That is mind blowing...to think that the Father in heaven, through Christ's work on the cross, has qualified His children to share in Christ's inheritance with all the saints. That should in and of itself motivate the believer to walk that life worthy of the Lord, pleasing him in every way. After all, He has rescued us from the death, from darkness and evil and the forces therein and brought us to life in and through the Son who has given us redemption and forgiven us from EVERY sin when we are in Him. And this wasn't cheap. Here Paul explains that He loved the Son, and He gave Him up for his children whom he would qualify. WOW! Is your mind blown away yet? Are you humbled? Amazed? Standing in awe of the grace and love of the Father in heaven? I sure am. It makes me want to live that life worthy of the One who has called, justified, is sanctifying and will one day glorify me.
"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you[d] to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."
Here is Paul writing to the church at Colossae and exhorting the believers there to live a life WORTHY of the Lord, pleasing Him in EVERY way. That charge is impossible and yet it is the reality of discipleship, we have been called to as 1 Peter 1:16 says, BE HOLY and therefore regardless of the fact that we will never be perfect in how we live, we should be living a life that seeks to please Him perfectly. With His strength we make strides in this endeavor and bear fruit as Paul continues because we are growing in the knowledge of the one who is strengthening us. Therefore the encouragement is to be in the Word, daily, whenever you can, so that you will be strengthened and that you will endure to the end.
And why? Well, because HE HAS QUALIFIED YOU! That is mind blowing...to think that the Father in heaven, through Christ's work on the cross, has qualified His children to share in Christ's inheritance with all the saints. That should in and of itself motivate the believer to walk that life worthy of the Lord, pleasing him in every way. After all, He has rescued us from the death, from darkness and evil and the forces therein and brought us to life in and through the Son who has given us redemption and forgiven us from EVERY sin when we are in Him. And this wasn't cheap. Here Paul explains that He loved the Son, and He gave Him up for his children whom he would qualify. WOW! Is your mind blown away yet? Are you humbled? Amazed? Standing in awe of the grace and love of the Father in heaven? I sure am. It makes me want to live that life worthy of the One who has called, justified, is sanctifying and will one day glorify me.
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
Speechless
Speechless is really the only word I have to explain what I am thinking and feeling as I write this blog. The providential hand of God and His perfect faithfulness blows me away yet again. I marvel at how He orchestrates our lives, down to every tiny little detail, and how He always blesses us beyond our comprehension and beyond what we could ever deserve. I tend to be a talker and because of that it is really weird for me not being able to adequately express what I am feeling, I search for words and come up empty and yet tears seem to always come to my eyes when I reflect over the work of our mighty God.
As most of you know, the most amazing event in my life, well up to this point (apart from my salvation), happened on Monday night; something that left me humbled and amazed and with a smile on my heart that I am sure could be seen beaming from my face. Do you ever have one of those moments in life where everything seems to be too perfect? Well it definitely was and still is one of those moments, a moment where I have found myself having to constantly remind myself that all this is really real and that I am truly marrying my other half. The man he is makes me stand in utter disbelief that God would bless me with him; it is a divine gift I can’t comprehend. It is amazing to look back and see how God has prepared and woven our hearts together over the last year through the stages of friendship, dating and courtship we have went through, and so perfectly…again I just stand amazed.
So Monday night I head out for a beach picnic with my best friend and the love of my life truly suspecting nothing but a wonderful time, little did I know he was planning on doing what I had dreamed of and prayed for, for years, that is, asking me to be his wife! After finding a cozy spot without too many people around we set up for what I thought was just going to be an early evening enjoying chocolate covered strawberries and sparkling cider. Somewhere during the middle of our time I decided to drink out of the martinellis bottle, forgetting to leave room for oxygen I ended up getting a mouthful of bubbles which ended up all over his pants and in my hair, a good laugh none the less. Our picnic was picture perfect!
During our time there were two points where I could literally hear and feel his heart beating like crazy (later I would know exactly why). Although I have felt his heart racing before, this was quite unique. For whatever reason I didn’t say anything but I remember wondering what on earth was going on, moments later he explained that he had made me something. Now at this point I still had no idea because it isn’t unusual that he does something creative for me. So he pulls out this giant scrapbook that he had made with the initials K+V on the front. As he opened the pages and revealed what was hidden inside I fought back tears. He had made a book of “our story” from the moment we met last year, with texts and facebook conversations, to today, with pictures and other mementos along the way. It was absolutely wonderful. God's hand of providence was so evident in every part of it, I was amazed to see the actual "proof" of how He had faithfully led us together and kept us and woven our hearts together. He got to somewhere down the middle of the book, because he had built up the book to look like it was full to trick me, when I say a book called “When Sinners Say I Do”…that was the moment I wondered if something was up. He told me that he wanted to read the book with me, and then behind the book was a letter that he wanted to read to me. I had to turn my head as tears filled my eyes. Was this really what I thought it was?! I couldn’t be sure but as he read the letter, my heart beamed and God’s grace poured out. This man that God had graciously given to me was pouring out his heart to me in a way that no person had ever done before, His love for me takes my breath away, literally.
At the end of the letter he said he wanted to make “the promise” real today. He turned the page and there was a question…. “WILL YOU?” with a box and in that box the most perfect ring. I think at that moment I said “FOR REAL?!” He grabbed my hands and stood me to my feet as he knelt down on a knee and asked me to be his wife, YES was an immediate response, I had been waiting forever to say that! The moment was perfect, my emotions were soaring, and my heart elated, and a smile were painted on my face that still hasn’t left.
Shortly after he suggested we go back to my house to show my parents, who he explained had already knew but hadn’t seen the ring. I couldn’t understand why he wanted to go home, why wouldn’t he want to just be alone. Little did I know a house full of some of our closest family and friends awaited us to congratulate and celebrate. When I walked in I was shocked to say the least but so excited to share in the moment with some of the most special people in both of our lives. The night ended perfectly, I couldn’t have asked for anything more.
I am blessed to say the least. I am amazed, dumbfounded, in awe, marveling, in shock and humbled by it all. God has given me the most amazing gift in His perfect providence and timing and I am so excited to see what He has in store for the both of us as we walk this life together. I am so in love with this man, Keith Edward Bence, and am confident that the Lord will continue to grow our love for one another as we grow in love for the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! I cannot wait to be Mrs. Vanessa Renee Bence!
Thank you all for your love, prayers, encouragement and support. I want to end with our theme verse… Ephesians 3:20-21
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
As most of you know, the most amazing event in my life, well up to this point (apart from my salvation), happened on Monday night; something that left me humbled and amazed and with a smile on my heart that I am sure could be seen beaming from my face. Do you ever have one of those moments in life where everything seems to be too perfect? Well it definitely was and still is one of those moments, a moment where I have found myself having to constantly remind myself that all this is really real and that I am truly marrying my other half. The man he is makes me stand in utter disbelief that God would bless me with him; it is a divine gift I can’t comprehend. It is amazing to look back and see how God has prepared and woven our hearts together over the last year through the stages of friendship, dating and courtship we have went through, and so perfectly…again I just stand amazed.
So Monday night I head out for a beach picnic with my best friend and the love of my life truly suspecting nothing but a wonderful time, little did I know he was planning on doing what I had dreamed of and prayed for, for years, that is, asking me to be his wife! After finding a cozy spot without too many people around we set up for what I thought was just going to be an early evening enjoying chocolate covered strawberries and sparkling cider. Somewhere during the middle of our time I decided to drink out of the martinellis bottle, forgetting to leave room for oxygen I ended up getting a mouthful of bubbles which ended up all over his pants and in my hair, a good laugh none the less. Our picnic was picture perfect!
During our time there were two points where I could literally hear and feel his heart beating like crazy (later I would know exactly why). Although I have felt his heart racing before, this was quite unique. For whatever reason I didn’t say anything but I remember wondering what on earth was going on, moments later he explained that he had made me something. Now at this point I still had no idea because it isn’t unusual that he does something creative for me. So he pulls out this giant scrapbook that he had made with the initials K+V on the front. As he opened the pages and revealed what was hidden inside I fought back tears. He had made a book of “our story” from the moment we met last year, with texts and facebook conversations, to today, with pictures and other mementos along the way. It was absolutely wonderful. God's hand of providence was so evident in every part of it, I was amazed to see the actual "proof" of how He had faithfully led us together and kept us and woven our hearts together. He got to somewhere down the middle of the book, because he had built up the book to look like it was full to trick me, when I say a book called “When Sinners Say I Do”…that was the moment I wondered if something was up. He told me that he wanted to read the book with me, and then behind the book was a letter that he wanted to read to me. I had to turn my head as tears filled my eyes. Was this really what I thought it was?! I couldn’t be sure but as he read the letter, my heart beamed and God’s grace poured out. This man that God had graciously given to me was pouring out his heart to me in a way that no person had ever done before, His love for me takes my breath away, literally.
At the end of the letter he said he wanted to make “the promise” real today. He turned the page and there was a question…. “WILL YOU?” with a box and in that box the most perfect ring. I think at that moment I said “FOR REAL?!” He grabbed my hands and stood me to my feet as he knelt down on a knee and asked me to be his wife, YES was an immediate response, I had been waiting forever to say that! The moment was perfect, my emotions were soaring, and my heart elated, and a smile were painted on my face that still hasn’t left.
Shortly after he suggested we go back to my house to show my parents, who he explained had already knew but hadn’t seen the ring. I couldn’t understand why he wanted to go home, why wouldn’t he want to just be alone. Little did I know a house full of some of our closest family and friends awaited us to congratulate and celebrate. When I walked in I was shocked to say the least but so excited to share in the moment with some of the most special people in both of our lives. The night ended perfectly, I couldn’t have asked for anything more.
I am blessed to say the least. I am amazed, dumbfounded, in awe, marveling, in shock and humbled by it all. God has given me the most amazing gift in His perfect providence and timing and I am so excited to see what He has in store for the both of us as we walk this life together. I am so in love with this man, Keith Edward Bence, and am confident that the Lord will continue to grow our love for one another as we grow in love for the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! I cannot wait to be Mrs. Vanessa Renee Bence!
Thank you all for your love, prayers, encouragement and support. I want to end with our theme verse… Ephesians 3:20-21
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
Friday, September 03, 2010
Battling Unbelief in Anxiety
"For some reason, we think of doubt and worry as “small” sins. But when a Christian displays unbelief…or an inability to cope with life, he is saying to the world, “My God cannot be trusted,” and that kind of disrespect makes one guilty of a fundamental error, the heinous sin of dishonoring God. That is no small sin." -John MacArthur
It is often times those "respectable" sins, as Jerry Bridges likes to call them, that we seem to sweep under the mat and disregard in our Christian lives. One of these sins is something that over the years I have often struggled with and although the Lord has sanctified me in this area it is still something I tend to disregard and gloss over especially when it seems like it is justifiable...how foolish. Anxiety, it is a sin that has manifested itself in my life time and time again and a sin that I have found myself battling head on in the past few weeks. It isn't by chance that the Lord has written verses on my heart like Philippians 4:6-7 and Matthew 6, and it isn't by chance that He continually allows me to endure tests so to speak in this area in an attempt to make me more like Jesus, worry free!
Have you ever asked yourself, what do I have to worry about if God is in control? I know that is something that goes on in my head quite often. It is a contradiction to say I trust and believe that, as Romans 8:28 says, God is working ALL things together for good, to then turn around and question that working by worrying or stressing. I remember always justifying my anxiety an stress by saying that God made me a "type-A" and because of that there really is nothing I can do. I am a perfectionist and want to do my best in everything and therefore I can't help but stress over even the little things. I was sitting in a biblical counseling class a few years back when God hit me with a ton of bricks and showed me that that "type-A" personality, which by the way is a psychological labeling, was in no way an excuse for sinful behavior. I was NOT in control, the Sovereign of the universe was and is. And although I am called to exhibit wisdom and prudence in all that I do, I must ALWAYS hold remember "if the Lord wills" and trust that every circumstance, situation, trial etc. that comes into my life has been providentially placed by a good and faithful God. That blew my mind! I guess I always knew that Truth but it wasn't until that moment that I saw my sin in that area as HUGE and DETESTABLE and that I was determined, in the Lord's power, to be refined and to have victory in that area. So here I am three years later and I can praise God for the work He has done in that area...is He done? No, not yet as I know that refining takes time, but it doesn't negate the fact that I am to pursue holiness through putting off and putting on.
So what does all this have to do with today? Well, I recently started my second semester in my M.A.T. program (amongst many other exciting things going on in my personal life) and lets just say I am a wee bit overwhelmed, or was I should say. I am the student who gets "syllabus shock" day one. I see that list of projects, assignments, exams, etc. and my mind begins reeling through how everything is going to play out. Here I am, August 25th and I am stressing over something I want to get done ASAP that is due December 1st...no joke! I almost laugh at myself just thinking about it. Why am I worrying? Why am I stressing? Why is anxiety robbing me of my joy that day? Do I really think that God is going to leave me high and dry so to speak? That my God isn't going to equip where He calls? That my God isn't going to give me the grace I need for each day and enable me to faithfully fulfill the callings He has placed in my life? These questions, and ones like it began pouring into my mind and I began to feel the Spirit's conviction. I was in sin, I was not trusting the perfect God. JMAC often says that worry in essence is a lack of faith in God (as above). Think about that for a minute...a lack of faith in God, in other words disbelief. My sin is not worry, it is not anxiety, well it is, but it goes much deeper, it is really me not trusting the One who saved me, the one who holds the universe in His hands, the one who is actively working, who by the way has numbered and written all my days from before the foundation of time. This is a BIG sin. How and why would I not trust Him?!
I began to recall verses like Philippians 4 and reminded myself that I have to attack the worry in my heart, right when it starts. I need to stop, to stop allowing my mind to wander and lead to anxiety that plagues my spirit. I need to counterattack with exactly what Philippians 4 says, PRAYER and time in the Word! Prayer is powerful, James reminds us of that in chapter 5, that the prayer of a righteous man is powerful AND effective. We have a weapon so to speak, a superpower if you like, a mighty strong privilege that allows us to bend our knee before the Creator of all and cry out to Him for grace and mercy each day. Not only that but HE hears us and answers! I jumped into my car a few days ago when my worry began and opened up to Matthew 6 and read Jesus' words about worry and cried out to Him. I read over the verse that talks about how he cares for the sparrows in the sky and my heart sunk...God is interested in a sparrow, how much more in me, the creation made in His image. The fact that He loves me blows my mind, that He is intimately involved in EVERY facet of my life and that He wants to help me overcome this struggle and be made more like Jesus is incredible. I am so thankful for the work He is doing in me to teach me to trust Him continually, to lay my cares at His feet knowing He cares for me and that He already has it all worked out. He will continue to give me grace I need for each day, my desire needs to be faithfulness to that day to make Him famous in all I do. There is no greater love than the One who laid down His life for me and who reigns today next to the Father in heaven, and He deserves nothing less than all my trust and all my praise for He is faithfully and sovereignly perfect in ALL things...I have no excuse and nothing to worry about, EVER!
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" -Matthew 6:26-27
It is often times those "respectable" sins, as Jerry Bridges likes to call them, that we seem to sweep under the mat and disregard in our Christian lives. One of these sins is something that over the years I have often struggled with and although the Lord has sanctified me in this area it is still something I tend to disregard and gloss over especially when it seems like it is justifiable...how foolish. Anxiety, it is a sin that has manifested itself in my life time and time again and a sin that I have found myself battling head on in the past few weeks. It isn't by chance that the Lord has written verses on my heart like Philippians 4:6-7 and Matthew 6, and it isn't by chance that He continually allows me to endure tests so to speak in this area in an attempt to make me more like Jesus, worry free!
Have you ever asked yourself, what do I have to worry about if God is in control? I know that is something that goes on in my head quite often. It is a contradiction to say I trust and believe that, as Romans 8:28 says, God is working ALL things together for good, to then turn around and question that working by worrying or stressing. I remember always justifying my anxiety an stress by saying that God made me a "type-A" and because of that there really is nothing I can do. I am a perfectionist and want to do my best in everything and therefore I can't help but stress over even the little things. I was sitting in a biblical counseling class a few years back when God hit me with a ton of bricks and showed me that that "type-A" personality, which by the way is a psychological labeling, was in no way an excuse for sinful behavior. I was NOT in control, the Sovereign of the universe was and is. And although I am called to exhibit wisdom and prudence in all that I do, I must ALWAYS hold remember "if the Lord wills" and trust that every circumstance, situation, trial etc. that comes into my life has been providentially placed by a good and faithful God. That blew my mind! I guess I always knew that Truth but it wasn't until that moment that I saw my sin in that area as HUGE and DETESTABLE and that I was determined, in the Lord's power, to be refined and to have victory in that area. So here I am three years later and I can praise God for the work He has done in that area...is He done? No, not yet as I know that refining takes time, but it doesn't negate the fact that I am to pursue holiness through putting off and putting on.
So what does all this have to do with today? Well, I recently started my second semester in my M.A.T. program (amongst many other exciting things going on in my personal life) and lets just say I am a wee bit overwhelmed, or was I should say. I am the student who gets "syllabus shock" day one. I see that list of projects, assignments, exams, etc. and my mind begins reeling through how everything is going to play out. Here I am, August 25th and I am stressing over something I want to get done ASAP that is due December 1st...no joke! I almost laugh at myself just thinking about it. Why am I worrying? Why am I stressing? Why is anxiety robbing me of my joy that day? Do I really think that God is going to leave me high and dry so to speak? That my God isn't going to equip where He calls? That my God isn't going to give me the grace I need for each day and enable me to faithfully fulfill the callings He has placed in my life? These questions, and ones like it began pouring into my mind and I began to feel the Spirit's conviction. I was in sin, I was not trusting the perfect God. JMAC often says that worry in essence is a lack of faith in God (as above). Think about that for a minute...a lack of faith in God, in other words disbelief. My sin is not worry, it is not anxiety, well it is, but it goes much deeper, it is really me not trusting the One who saved me, the one who holds the universe in His hands, the one who is actively working, who by the way has numbered and written all my days from before the foundation of time. This is a BIG sin. How and why would I not trust Him?!
I began to recall verses like Philippians 4 and reminded myself that I have to attack the worry in my heart, right when it starts. I need to stop, to stop allowing my mind to wander and lead to anxiety that plagues my spirit. I need to counterattack with exactly what Philippians 4 says, PRAYER and time in the Word! Prayer is powerful, James reminds us of that in chapter 5, that the prayer of a righteous man is powerful AND effective. We have a weapon so to speak, a superpower if you like, a mighty strong privilege that allows us to bend our knee before the Creator of all and cry out to Him for grace and mercy each day. Not only that but HE hears us and answers! I jumped into my car a few days ago when my worry began and opened up to Matthew 6 and read Jesus' words about worry and cried out to Him. I read over the verse that talks about how he cares for the sparrows in the sky and my heart sunk...God is interested in a sparrow, how much more in me, the creation made in His image. The fact that He loves me blows my mind, that He is intimately involved in EVERY facet of my life and that He wants to help me overcome this struggle and be made more like Jesus is incredible. I am so thankful for the work He is doing in me to teach me to trust Him continually, to lay my cares at His feet knowing He cares for me and that He already has it all worked out. He will continue to give me grace I need for each day, my desire needs to be faithfulness to that day to make Him famous in all I do. There is no greater love than the One who laid down His life for me and who reigns today next to the Father in heaven, and He deserves nothing less than all my trust and all my praise for He is faithfully and sovereignly perfect in ALL things...I have no excuse and nothing to worry about, EVER!
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" -Matthew 6:26-27
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
