I recently began reading Jerry Bridge's book, The Practice of Godliness. Since the start I have not only been very encouraged but also very convicted by the biblical Truth of godliness and what it means to live a life marked by that. The next few blogs I write are going to encompass the idea in hopes that you too will be motivated to PRACTICE Godliness in your own lives as you follow Him.
What do you want to be known for? Do you want to be known as a Christian? Maybe someone who served a lot? Someone who had a lot of biblical knowledge? A pastor? A worship leader? A sunday school teacher? Or do you want to be known like Enoch as someone who walked with God? Do you want to have the label of godliness?
We must first realize as Christians that our concept of who God is and our relationship with Him directly affects our conduct...how we live. That devotion, as Bridges puts it, "consists of three essential elements: the fear of God, the love of God, and the desire for God". When somebody, even a Christian, hears the words fear of God they are quick to misinterpret the meaning. In the Bible we find this word used two different ways: that of anxious dread and that of veneration, reverence and awe. The fear coupled with anxious dread is the realization of God's impending judgment on sin. This fear should characterize every unsaved person who lives as an object of God's wrath. The Christian however has been delivered from this wrath (1 John 4:18, but the Christian has not been delivered from His discipline. Therefore the Christian still lives a life that fears God, he works out his salvation with fear and trembling (Phil 2:12). The primary fear for the Christian encompasses the second type of fear however. Like the angelic beings in Isaiah 6 demonstrate as they use their wings to cover their faces in the presence of the exalted Lord. "The reverent Godly Christian sees God first in His transcendent glory, majesty and holiness before he sees Him in His love, mercy and grace. There is a healthy tension that exists in the godly person's heart between reverential awe of God in His glory and the childlike confidence in God as heavenly Father." On a side note in regards to this is our flippant familiarity with the way we address God in prayer. We need to remember that there is an infinite gap between our worth and His and exalt Him to His rightful place. When we address Him we must remember that as Paul said, although He is our "Abba Father" He also dwells in "unapproachable light".
Albert Martin said the essential ingredients of the fear of God are; 1. correct concepts of God's character 2. pervasive sense of the presence of God 3. a constant awareness of our obligation to God. So, "if we have some comprehension of God's infinite holiness and His hatred of sin, coupled with this pervasive sense of God's presence in all of our actions and even our thoughts, then such a fear of God must influence and regulate our conduct. Just as obedience to the Lord is an indication of our love of Him, so is it also a proof of our fear of God (Deut 6:2)."
Only God-fearing Christians can understand true love, and God's ultimate love. "He/She sees the infinite gulf between a holy God and a sinful creature, and the love that bridged that gulf through the death of the Lord Jesus Christ." A truly Godly person will never forget that at one point he or she was an object of the wrath of God. They will never forget that the true love of God can never be separated from Calvary. We must be gripped by the fact that God loved us as an individual. Paul continually grew in the knowledge of God's love and as He did He realized more and more what a sinner he was. "He compares himself with God's standard and consequently sees himself as the worst of sinners. The more he grows in his knowledge of God's perfect will, the more he sees his own sinfulness and the more he comprehends God's love in sending Christ to die for him." This love that he has for us should stimulate us to increase our devotion to him, an active devotion not a feeling. When Paul wrote in Corinthians 5:14-15 saying that Christ's love "compels" us to live goldy he was talking about the verb meaning "to press in on all sides and impel or force a certain course of action". This is the force God's love should have on us!
"True godliness engages our affections and awakens within us a desire to enjoy God's presence and fellowship." David in the Psalms expresses many times his deep desire and longing for God. "As he contemplates God in the awesomeness of His infinite majesty, power and holiness and then as he dwells upon the riches of His mercy and grace poured out at Calvary, his heart is captivated by this One who could love him so. He is satisfied with God alone, but he is never satisfied with his present experience with God. He always yearns for more." God desires that we come to know Him and yearn to know Him more, and this desire will create a strong desire to glorify Him as well...they go hand in hand.
"...train yourself to be Godly." (1 Timothy 4:7). Do you realize that the Bible is calling us to train/discipline ourselves to be Godly? There are principles for this training however that we can learn from:
1. Personal Responsibility- Paul said "train yourself". That means that we are personally responsible for our progress in godliness. Meaning that we are not merely to trust the Lord for that progress and the relax. Paul did know that that strength to train and that growth was only through divine enablement. We are lazy. We would much rather pray for God to make us Godly then to train and fulfill our personal responsibility.
2. The Object of this training was growth- Growth in our personal spiritual life is the goal. No matter who you are or how far along you have come on the Christian walk, you are called to grow in the areas of godliness: fear of the Lord, comprehension of his love, and the desire for the presence and fellowship of God.
3. Minimum Characteristics needed for training
a. Commitment- "No one ever becomes godly without a commitment to pay the prace of the daily spiritual training God has designed for our growth in godliness. (Jeremiah 29:13- "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." There is a price to godliness.
b. A competent teacher- We must continually be exposing ourself to the teaching of the Word of God. "This truth is to be found only in the Bible, but it is not just academic knowledge of Bible facts it is spiritual knowledge taught by the Holy Spirit as He applies the truth of God to our hearts...only the Holy Spirit applies this type of knowledge".
c. Practice- We must practice and practice more...the fear of God, for example if we are to grow in devotion that we need to seek to understand His character and the concepts of it, practicing His presence and remembering our responsibility to Him. "It is practical, down- to earth and even a bit grubby at times as the Holy Spirit works on us, but it is always rewarding as we see the Spirit transforming us more and more into godly people."
d. USE THE WORD OF GOD
1. Hearing- none of us become so spiritually self-sufficient that we don't need to hear the Word taught by others...we need to listen and apply.
2. Reading the Word- We have the chance to learn directly from the Master. We have the opportunity to gain an overall perspective of the entire Bible. "Without a reading program of the entire Bible, we would not only be spiritually ignorant but also spirtually impoverished".
3. Studying the Scripture- Reading gives us the breadth but studying gives us the depth. "Every Christian should be a student of the Bible". Proverbs 2:1-5 gives us some principles of Bible study: Teachability- accept my words, Intent to obey- store up my commands, Mental discipline- apply to your heart, Prayerful Dependence- call out, Diligent perseverance- search for hidden treasure. You always find time for what is important to you. Is studying His Word to become godly important to you?
4. Memorization- Psalm 119:1 "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." "Storing up God's word in your heart against a time of future need, a time when we would encounter temptation and we will be kept from that by the Word."
5. Meditation- Memorizing is the first step of meditation, but meditation opens our understanding, engages our affections and addresses our wills.
"You and I are responsible to train ourselves. We are dependent upon God for His divine enablement, but we are responsible, we are not passive in this process."
In Scripture, an unbeliever is identified as "ungodly". "At the time of our salvation God through the Holy Spirit deals with this godless spirit within us. He gives us a new heart and moves us to obey Him. He givees us a singleness of heart and inspires us to fear Him, and He pours out His love into our hearts so that we begin to comprehend His love for us." We need to depend and vitally on the Spirit for this growth in godliness. We need to get serious. We need to pray for this growth, showing our dependence. If we really want godliness and are committed to it, our prayer life is going to reflect that. We need to meditate on who God is, that the Holy Spirit will make His Word come alive in our hearts. We must worship God meaning privately, by ascribing to God the glory, majesty, honor and worthiness due His name. We must daily spend time with Him in prayer and study of His Word.
And there is one more area, the ultimate test, "I can know if I truly fear God by determining if I have a genuine hatred of evil and an earnest desire to obey His commands. The measure of our obedience is a direct measure of our reverence of Him."
And remember "WE ARE SEEKING TO GROW IN OUR DEVOTION TO THE MOST WONDERFUL PERSON IN ALL THE UNIVERSE, THE INFINITELY GLORIOUS AND LOVING GOD. NOTHING CAN COMPARE WITH THE PRIVILEGE OF KNOWING HIM IN WHOSE PRESENCE IS FULLNESS OF JOY AND IN WHOSE HAND THERE ARE PLEASURES FOREVER MORE!"
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Get the Right Perspective!
Recently I was driving in the car and heard the chorus to a new song say the following line, "There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face...". I couldn't help but smile when I was reminded instantaneously of the Truth of those words, and then I quickly was reminded how often my perspective is so wrong when it comes to eternity.
A few weeks ago I was talking with a high school student about the future and the soon to come return of Jesus. Although I could see the joy in her eyes, there seemed to be much hesitancy as well; the hesitancy was not stemming from a lack of confidence in the hope she had but rather because of what she had yet to "experience" in this life and the thought of "missing out". Isn't that the truth though? It seems as though the older one gets the more one longs for heaven but in those in-between years (high school-young adulthood) there is this almost tug of war within our hearts as to what we desire for the here and now and the soon coming future. Whether it be college for a high school student or marriage for someone in college or maybe even a career or the freedom of adulthood that somebody wants, there is something that is temporal that seems to choke our desire for eternity, that beckons us to hold onto this world while we pursue Christ.
The question I came upon during this conversation and what was echoed in my heart once again during that song was what is my perspective on Christ's imminent return? Am I as overjoyed and excited as Paul was, can I honestly say that each morning I wake up I am begging Maranatha!? Truth be told, that hadn't always been the case. The reality of what is to come had not been the ever present hope of my heart; it was instead something that I looked forward to only in times of despair and desperation rather than always. My perspective was skewed, and something had to change! I began to pray that God would radically change my perspective and as I did I began searching the Truth to find out where I had missed out. I realized three key things that I had set aside that I had to realize in order to fix my perspective.
1. REMEMBER MY SALVATION- If you are one of His you realize the weight of what that means. You realize the price that had to be paid so that you too could spend an eternity with Him. You have begun to understand, only touched the tip in fact, the gravity of it all. Isaiah 53:5 says,
"But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed."
Stop for a moment and think about that. Think about what it cost God for you to spend eternity with Him. Think about what you get for absolutely nothing. You did nothing to earn this precious gift and yet we are promised every blessing in the spiritual places. As I began thinking about this once again I was brought to the stark realization that I fail to remember my salvation and all that it entails.
2. TEMPORAL VERSES ETERNAL- Sometimes I think we think of ourselves as indestructible, or that we will live forever...well I mean live forever here on earth. Because the idea of death no longer frightens the Christian the thought of it never really crosses our mind, especially for us younger ones. Our desires quickly become temporal rather than eternal. We begin wanting things of this world (many of which are not necessarily bad things) without remembering that the Lord is coming back and He is coming soon. Think about for a moment if Jesus were to return tomorrow what you would have left in heaven. What would you take with you? Would you take that husband or girlfriend? Would you take that college degree? Would you take that new car you got for your birthday? What about all your friends at school? Well, no...the only thing you will take with you are saved souls. Matthew 6:20 says, "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." What are we focusing on storing up? What are we working on in this life? Are we working on being vessles of Truth to the lost? Are we working on being tools God uses to save the souls? Or are we more concerned with the here and now and will worry about all that when we get older? I was so convicted when I realized that often the things I pursue from day to day or that I even desire in the future are merely temporal and that my perspective had to change, I had to desire the eternal more than the temporal (I am not suggesting not desiring to be married, get an education etc....I am just suggesting that your focus and life's pursuit should never be consumed with that).
3. WHERE'S MY HOPE FOUND?- Our culture is full of people who want and need hope. For the Christian we fall into the category too...we long to be happy, content and satisfied in our daily lives. But what are we seeking to satisfy us? What do we hope in when everything around us is awry? What do we desire more than anything? Psalm 33:20 says, "We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield." Is that where our hope is found? Is our hope found in the Lord or is it found in some temporal thing like a relationship or a material object? We must hope in Him and Him alone because it is only Him who will never fail into eternity...all else will fade.
So as I thought about these three things: my salvation, focusing on the eternal and focusing on where my hope is found I got so excited about the Lord's return. I am more excited than every before! I realized I shouldn't care about fulfilling all the things I have not "experienced" because heaven, with our Lord, is better than anything in the entire world! Although I knew this truth and would say I believed it I realized that sometimes I didn't live it out by the actions I took or the desires I had in my own heart that I was pursuing.
Do you believe that being with Jesus, seeing Him face to face is better than anything else in this world? Do you really? How is that markedly reflected in the way you live your life? Are you pursuing meaningless things like Solomon spoke of? Are you hoping Jesus doesn't come back before you graduate high school...college...get married...have kids...get the job you have always wanted...move out on your own? Or are you pursuing the Lord and serving Him with your whole heart no matter what the cost? Are you pursuing a life that is devoted solely to Him and glorifies Him in all you do? Are you praying MARANATHA everyday? Are you hoping in some future event that you want to experience in your life? Or is your hope and joy found in the fact that Jesus is coming and coming soon and we are going to reign with Him? What is your perspective when it comes to the future? Lets get the right one! Let's focus on Him and Him alone and let everything else fade into the background. And remember what Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face...". I couldn't help but smile when I was reminded instantaneously of the Truth of those words, and then I quickly was reminded how often my perspective is so wrong when it comes to eternity.
A few weeks ago I was talking with a high school student about the future and the soon to come return of Jesus. Although I could see the joy in her eyes, there seemed to be much hesitancy as well; the hesitancy was not stemming from a lack of confidence in the hope she had but rather because of what she had yet to "experience" in this life and the thought of "missing out". Isn't that the truth though? It seems as though the older one gets the more one longs for heaven but in those in-between years (high school-young adulthood) there is this almost tug of war within our hearts as to what we desire for the here and now and the soon coming future. Whether it be college for a high school student or marriage for someone in college or maybe even a career or the freedom of adulthood that somebody wants, there is something that is temporal that seems to choke our desire for eternity, that beckons us to hold onto this world while we pursue Christ.
The question I came upon during this conversation and what was echoed in my heart once again during that song was what is my perspective on Christ's imminent return? Am I as overjoyed and excited as Paul was, can I honestly say that each morning I wake up I am begging Maranatha!? Truth be told, that hadn't always been the case. The reality of what is to come had not been the ever present hope of my heart; it was instead something that I looked forward to only in times of despair and desperation rather than always. My perspective was skewed, and something had to change! I began to pray that God would radically change my perspective and as I did I began searching the Truth to find out where I had missed out. I realized three key things that I had set aside that I had to realize in order to fix my perspective.
1. REMEMBER MY SALVATION- If you are one of His you realize the weight of what that means. You realize the price that had to be paid so that you too could spend an eternity with Him. You have begun to understand, only touched the tip in fact, the gravity of it all. Isaiah 53:5 says,
"But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed."
Stop for a moment and think about that. Think about what it cost God for you to spend eternity with Him. Think about what you get for absolutely nothing. You did nothing to earn this precious gift and yet we are promised every blessing in the spiritual places. As I began thinking about this once again I was brought to the stark realization that I fail to remember my salvation and all that it entails.
2. TEMPORAL VERSES ETERNAL- Sometimes I think we think of ourselves as indestructible, or that we will live forever...well I mean live forever here on earth. Because the idea of death no longer frightens the Christian the thought of it never really crosses our mind, especially for us younger ones. Our desires quickly become temporal rather than eternal. We begin wanting things of this world (many of which are not necessarily bad things) without remembering that the Lord is coming back and He is coming soon. Think about for a moment if Jesus were to return tomorrow what you would have left in heaven. What would you take with you? Would you take that husband or girlfriend? Would you take that college degree? Would you take that new car you got for your birthday? What about all your friends at school? Well, no...the only thing you will take with you are saved souls. Matthew 6:20 says, "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." What are we focusing on storing up? What are we working on in this life? Are we working on being vessles of Truth to the lost? Are we working on being tools God uses to save the souls? Or are we more concerned with the here and now and will worry about all that when we get older? I was so convicted when I realized that often the things I pursue from day to day or that I even desire in the future are merely temporal and that my perspective had to change, I had to desire the eternal more than the temporal (I am not suggesting not desiring to be married, get an education etc....I am just suggesting that your focus and life's pursuit should never be consumed with that).
3. WHERE'S MY HOPE FOUND?- Our culture is full of people who want and need hope. For the Christian we fall into the category too...we long to be happy, content and satisfied in our daily lives. But what are we seeking to satisfy us? What do we hope in when everything around us is awry? What do we desire more than anything? Psalm 33:20 says, "We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield." Is that where our hope is found? Is our hope found in the Lord or is it found in some temporal thing like a relationship or a material object? We must hope in Him and Him alone because it is only Him who will never fail into eternity...all else will fade.
So as I thought about these three things: my salvation, focusing on the eternal and focusing on where my hope is found I got so excited about the Lord's return. I am more excited than every before! I realized I shouldn't care about fulfilling all the things I have not "experienced" because heaven, with our Lord, is better than anything in the entire world! Although I knew this truth and would say I believed it I realized that sometimes I didn't live it out by the actions I took or the desires I had in my own heart that I was pursuing.
Do you believe that being with Jesus, seeing Him face to face is better than anything else in this world? Do you really? How is that markedly reflected in the way you live your life? Are you pursuing meaningless things like Solomon spoke of? Are you hoping Jesus doesn't come back before you graduate high school...college...get married...have kids...get the job you have always wanted...move out on your own? Or are you pursuing the Lord and serving Him with your whole heart no matter what the cost? Are you pursuing a life that is devoted solely to Him and glorifies Him in all you do? Are you praying MARANATHA everyday? Are you hoping in some future event that you want to experience in your life? Or is your hope and joy found in the fact that Jesus is coming and coming soon and we are going to reign with Him? What is your perspective when it comes to the future? Lets get the right one! Let's focus on Him and Him alone and let everything else fade into the background. And remember what Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
True Love Doesn't Just Wait- Dating Part 5
The idea that "true love waits" has filled the most recent generations of young Christian teens and adults. But what if it is more than that...what does it even mean?
Joshua Harris- Boy Meets Girl
Ephesians 5:3 "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people."
"It is because of clear commands like this and the reality of our God-given sexual appetites that we face "hammock" moments--moments when we must choose between what our bodies crave and what we know our Lord has instructed. The temptation may be as seemingly innocent as deciding when to kiss, or as serious as choosing when to sleep together. Whatever it is, the internal struggle is the same. The question boils down to whom yo will believe? Will you heed the clear commands of Scripture and the nudging of the Spirit or will the voice of compromise that's offering immediate pleasure? What's really going to make you happy?
We all know how we are supposed to answer, but when our desires kick in, doing what's right isn't easy. In the heat of passion, we need more than just knowledge about sexual purity. To stand firm against sin, we can't simply intellectually agree with the merits of chastity. We must be captivated by the beauty and greater pleasure of God's way. This involves agreeing with God about the goodness of pure sex within marriage, refusing the counterfeits offered by the world, and fearing the consequences of illicit sex. Being captivated by God's way won't happen by accident, it will take work before marriage. True love doesn't just wait, it plans.
To plan ahead for a great sex life, we have to realize that the message of Scripture is not for us to disdain sex, but to love God's original design so much that we see the worlds perversion as revolting. We can either be captives of righteousness or captives of sin. Look into the eyes of Jesus Christ. He's the only one who knows the depth of God's unmitigated wrath against sexual sin--He bore it all when He hung on the cross, cursed and forsaken by the Father.
We need to realize that God is serious about punishing sin. "God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral" (Hebrews 13:4). God doesn't excuse sin because of how good we think we are or how good we think we have been in the past. Look at David's example with Bathsheba (2 Sam 11). God doesn't overlook our sin because it is not as bad as someone elses. God doesn't excuse our sin because we are "in love" and nobody else is getting hurt.
Why does God ask single Christians to face the daily struggle of controlling their sexual appetites until marriage? He is committed to great sex. God made sex good and He also increases its enjoyment be reserving it for marriage. If we didn't have to wait for it, there'd be no anticipation, no build up, no excitement. There's another reason the struggle of waiting for marriage is a blessing. God not only wants to maximize a couple's enjoyment of sex inside marriage, but He also wants them to learn to trust Him together. When a Christian man and woman systematically work together to deny their own physical desires as an expression of mutual faith and submission to Jesus, they are laying a solid spiritual foundation for their marriage. They are learning to fight sin as a team. They are learning to pray for each other, care for each other and challenge each other. They are submitting to Jesus Christ as the Lord of their relationship.
We need a clear game plan that will align our heart and actions with God's plan. The motive for our self control should be God's glory. During courtship, guarding each other's purity and refraining from sexual intimacy are acts of lovemaking. A Christian man and woman have to agree that sexual intimacy before marriage is unloving. Before marriage, true love is expressed through guarding and refraining. Remember lust is never satisfied. Lust likes to tell us that we will be satisfied if we we just give in and we won't unless we do. Do not delight in sin and give in, once you do you will never be satisfied.
It is tempting during courtship and especially engagement to begin to fantasize abot love making with your future spouse. Be careful and joyful, God centered anticipation doesn't turn into lust. Even though it's not easy, you still need to guard your heart. It is never right to fantasize about sexual immorality and it is very easy to go from imagining the wedding night to sinful fantasy.
The reality of indwelling sin and the deceit of lust is why fighting and avoiding sexual sin requires a game plan. Specific guidelines for your physical relationship can NEVER replace humble reliance on the Holy Spirit--but they can reinforce your biblical convictions. Every couple needs to search Scripture and come up with their own specific guidelines. These should never become a replacement for prayer and constant reliance on the Spirit but should be seen as an expression of a sincere desire to please and obey God. A vague definition of righteousness quickly leads to compromise. We can't start by making our guidelines. Our heart's desire has to be a desire to honor God with our hearts and bodies and to serve others. Only the Holy Spirit can work in us to change us, but an important part of receiving and applying God's grace in our lives is establishing behavior that flees from temptation and says no to sin. This involves establishing guidelines--rules--that help us. These rules aren't our hope, they don't earn us God's love, and they are our starting point; but they can help s put our convictions into action.
I encourage you to make as many parts of your physical relationship as you can precious and treasured parts of marriage. True love plans. Do you really care for each other? Then spend your courtship storing up passion and planning for thrilling and God-glorifying sex. The most important thing you can do during this time is to think biblically about sex, to love God's plan and to battle the lust and impatience in you that will try to destroy it. The effort will be more than worth it. Each time yo feel as though you are denying yourselves, you're actually blessing yourselves. Each time you walk away from temptation and refuse to stoke the fires of passion prematurely, you're sending yourselves the best gifts you'll receive on the day of your wedding--gifts of trust and respect and increased passion and oh how God will be glorified.
Joshua Harris- Boy Meets Girl
Ephesians 5:3 "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people."
"It is because of clear commands like this and the reality of our God-given sexual appetites that we face "hammock" moments--moments when we must choose between what our bodies crave and what we know our Lord has instructed. The temptation may be as seemingly innocent as deciding when to kiss, or as serious as choosing when to sleep together. Whatever it is, the internal struggle is the same. The question boils down to whom yo will believe? Will you heed the clear commands of Scripture and the nudging of the Spirit or will the voice of compromise that's offering immediate pleasure? What's really going to make you happy?
We all know how we are supposed to answer, but when our desires kick in, doing what's right isn't easy. In the heat of passion, we need more than just knowledge about sexual purity. To stand firm against sin, we can't simply intellectually agree with the merits of chastity. We must be captivated by the beauty and greater pleasure of God's way. This involves agreeing with God about the goodness of pure sex within marriage, refusing the counterfeits offered by the world, and fearing the consequences of illicit sex. Being captivated by God's way won't happen by accident, it will take work before marriage. True love doesn't just wait, it plans.
To plan ahead for a great sex life, we have to realize that the message of Scripture is not for us to disdain sex, but to love God's original design so much that we see the worlds perversion as revolting. We can either be captives of righteousness or captives of sin. Look into the eyes of Jesus Christ. He's the only one who knows the depth of God's unmitigated wrath against sexual sin--He bore it all when He hung on the cross, cursed and forsaken by the Father.
We need to realize that God is serious about punishing sin. "God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral" (Hebrews 13:4). God doesn't excuse sin because of how good we think we are or how good we think we have been in the past. Look at David's example with Bathsheba (2 Sam 11). God doesn't overlook our sin because it is not as bad as someone elses. God doesn't excuse our sin because we are "in love" and nobody else is getting hurt.
Why does God ask single Christians to face the daily struggle of controlling their sexual appetites until marriage? He is committed to great sex. God made sex good and He also increases its enjoyment be reserving it for marriage. If we didn't have to wait for it, there'd be no anticipation, no build up, no excitement. There's another reason the struggle of waiting for marriage is a blessing. God not only wants to maximize a couple's enjoyment of sex inside marriage, but He also wants them to learn to trust Him together. When a Christian man and woman systematically work together to deny their own physical desires as an expression of mutual faith and submission to Jesus, they are laying a solid spiritual foundation for their marriage. They are learning to fight sin as a team. They are learning to pray for each other, care for each other and challenge each other. They are submitting to Jesus Christ as the Lord of their relationship.
We need a clear game plan that will align our heart and actions with God's plan. The motive for our self control should be God's glory. During courtship, guarding each other's purity and refraining from sexual intimacy are acts of lovemaking. A Christian man and woman have to agree that sexual intimacy before marriage is unloving. Before marriage, true love is expressed through guarding and refraining. Remember lust is never satisfied. Lust likes to tell us that we will be satisfied if we we just give in and we won't unless we do. Do not delight in sin and give in, once you do you will never be satisfied.
It is tempting during courtship and especially engagement to begin to fantasize abot love making with your future spouse. Be careful and joyful, God centered anticipation doesn't turn into lust. Even though it's not easy, you still need to guard your heart. It is never right to fantasize about sexual immorality and it is very easy to go from imagining the wedding night to sinful fantasy.
The reality of indwelling sin and the deceit of lust is why fighting and avoiding sexual sin requires a game plan. Specific guidelines for your physical relationship can NEVER replace humble reliance on the Holy Spirit--but they can reinforce your biblical convictions. Every couple needs to search Scripture and come up with their own specific guidelines. These should never become a replacement for prayer and constant reliance on the Spirit but should be seen as an expression of a sincere desire to please and obey God. A vague definition of righteousness quickly leads to compromise. We can't start by making our guidelines. Our heart's desire has to be a desire to honor God with our hearts and bodies and to serve others. Only the Holy Spirit can work in us to change us, but an important part of receiving and applying God's grace in our lives is establishing behavior that flees from temptation and says no to sin. This involves establishing guidelines--rules--that help us. These rules aren't our hope, they don't earn us God's love, and they are our starting point; but they can help s put our convictions into action.
I encourage you to make as many parts of your physical relationship as you can precious and treasured parts of marriage. True love plans. Do you really care for each other? Then spend your courtship storing up passion and planning for thrilling and God-glorifying sex. The most important thing you can do during this time is to think biblically about sex, to love God's plan and to battle the lust and impatience in you that will try to destroy it. The effort will be more than worth it. Each time yo feel as though you are denying yourselves, you're actually blessing yourselves. Each time you walk away from temptation and refuse to stoke the fires of passion prematurely, you're sending yourselves the best gifts you'll receive on the day of your wedding--gifts of trust and respect and increased passion and oh how God will be glorified.
Monday, January 19, 2009
More Than Friends, Less than Lovers...Courtship- Dating Part 4
What is your definition of a successful dating/courtship/relationship? "I believe that in a God-glorifying, wisdom-guided courtship we have two central priorities. The first is to treat each other with holiness and sincerity; the second is to make an informed and WISE decision about marriage. In courtship our goals should be to grow and guard. We want to grow closer so we can truly know each other's character, but we also want to guard each other's hearts because the outcome of our relationship is still unknown." 2 Corinthians 1:12 sums it up, "Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God. We have done so not according to worldly wisdom but according to God's grace." "Maintaining the priorities of growing and guarding make courtship something of a balancing act. You have the clear purpose to consider marriage, but you also need to fight the urge to assume you are going to get married. If we are too guarded, we won't move forward in the relationship; if we grow close too fast, we risk emotional injury or unwise choices later on. There's a tension you want to maintain. Just remember it is a good tension. If God leads you into marriage, you won't need to guard your hearts--you'll belong to each other completely. Enjoy it. Don't rush. Don't despise or hurry the in-between time of courtship, even though you often feel the tension. Instead, treasure the season. Balancing the need to grow and guard during courtship is necessary and fulfilling part of making the journey towards marriage wisely and with holiness and sincerity. We need to grow and guard in the areas of friendship, fellowship and romance."
FRIENDSHIP- "The first and most important thing you can do in your courtship is to deepen your friendship. Growing in friendship involves learning through conversation who you are as individuals. It's having fun together and spending quality and quantity time together. Look for ways to share the different parts of your life---the fun, the mundane, and the in between. Work together and play together AND serve side by side. The strategic question to keep in mind is: How can you let each other see the REAL you? The focus should be getting to know each other not on creating premature intimacy or emotional dependence. Don't grab for more intimacy than is warranted. The focus will change as mutual confidence and commitment deepens. You'll earn access to each other's hearts over time.
FELLOWSHIP- "IT MUST HAVE A SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION! For your relationship to be strong, love for the Lord must be the common passion of your hearts. Growing in biblical fellowship involves sharing with other Christians the most important aspect of our lives--the reality of Jesus and His work in us. It involves praying together as well as taking time to talk about what God is teaching you in your individual walks with Him. Another important part of fellowship is spurring each other on in righteousness. Guarding the fruit of true biblical fellowship means increasing your love and passion for the Lord, not your emotional dependence on each other. Your goal is to point each other to Him. Another part in guarding our hearts in fellowship involves making sure we're not trying to take God's place in each others lives. Remind each other to find your soul's satisfaction in God ALONE.
ROMANCE- "Growing in romance should only take place when friendship and fellowship are deepening. Men it is your privilege to be the initiators of romantic expression in our courtships. Giver her cards and write her encouraging notes. Give her flowers and tell her how special you think she is. The most romantic things a man can do for a woman are the little things that let her know that she's on his mind and in his heart. The goal is to tell the truth about the relationship. It doesn't serve a girl if a man's romantic expression is too far ahead or too far behind. When a man knows he wants to marry a girl, he can begin seeking to win her heart. God-honoring "wooing" is neither licentious nor manipulative. It's pure, it's sincere, and it's backed up by a desire for lifelong commitment. Romantic passion awakened without commitment can lead to sin and regret. "
So what about communication? "Authentic communication is a skill that takes time, effort, and determination to learn. It also takes humility. Here are some principles ...keep in mind our goals in a God-glorifying relationship which is treating each other with holiness and sincerity and to make an informed and wise decision about marriage.
1. Communication Problems are Usually Heart Problems- Our lips are merely the messengers of our heart. Our words flow out of what's inside of us. If our words are selfish, sinful and uncaring, it is because we are sinful, selfish and uncaring.
2. Your ears are your most important communication tools- Often the best thing we can do is keep our lips sealed. Are you quick to listen? Listening is an expression of humility and genuine concern for others. The Bible tells us that a fool "delights in airing his own opinions" (prov 18:2). Don't be a fool. Listen twice as much as you talk.
3. Good communication doesn't happen by accident- Communication is something that we have to plan for and work at. Men should assume the responsibility of initiating meaningful conversations in the relationship.
4. The absence of conflict doesn't equal good communication- Our goal shouldn't be to avoid conflict but to learn to work through it and resolve it in a God-honoring way. Here are some tips
a. Learn to express your feelings and frustrations honestly but without attacking or accusing the other person (prov 11:9)
b. Choose words, expressions and a tone of voice that are kind and gentle. (Prov 15:1)
c. Don't exaggerate, distort or stretch the truth. (Eph 4:25)
d. Give actual and specific examples...don't use generalizations.
e. Commit yourself to seeking solutions instead of airing your grievances. Getting even isn't the goal--you want things resolved. (Romans 12:17-21)
f. Refuse to indulge bitterness, anger, withdrawal or argument. (Eph 4:26)
g. Don't hesitate to acknowledge your own failure and be quick to forgive. Make sure you don't hold a grudge. (Luke 17:3-4)
h. Keep talking and asking questions until you both understand clearly what the other person is saying and feeling and encourage each other as you press on towards the solution. (Romans 14:19)
i. Train your mouth and heart until you can say the right thing, in the right way at the right time for the right reasons.
5. Motive is more important than technique- Having a godly motive for your communication is key. He wants our motive to be to sincerely love and serve others. A Godly motive radically changes how and what we communicate in courtship. Instead of using words to gratify ourselves, we use them to glorify God and put the interests of others first.
You will guard as you make sure that you don't promise or imply deeper level of commitment or confidence in the relationship than you really have. As your relationship deepens and your confidence for marriage increases, you will want to begin discussing topics related to marriage. But don't get ahead of yourselves. You still need to guard.
You can't love what you don't know. You can't be truly loved if you're not truly known. And the only way to know and be known by another person is to communicate--openly, honestly, sincerely, humbly. So let's be courageous. We know what to do with our ears and our hearts and our lips."
We need to embrace our God given roles as men and women. Too often in today's society there is a mismatched confusion...a jumbled mess. Josh Harris asks the question, "If boys would be men, would girls be ladies?" I would say yes. "Before we can glorify God in our relationships with each other, we have to understand and embrace the unique roles God has assigned us as men and women.
For The Men...
"The world cries for men who are strong---strong in conviction, strong to lead, to stand, to suffer.
1. Assume the responsibility of leading and initiating your relationships with women- Leading is a form of serving. When you provide direction, suggest ideas, and initiate conversations or activities, you're serving your sisters. A servant leadership requires work. It means sacrifice. It means going out on a limb and proposing ideas, setting direction and inviting others to follow. It means listening, taking other's interests and needs into account and adjusting as necessary. It means deferring to others at times. Leadership isn't tyranny; it is service rendered.
2. Be a spiritual leader in your relationships with women.- Men should set the spiritual pace in the relationships they have with women. Men should be the ones to make sure that our relationships are deep and meaningful and not merely entertaining and superficial, but God focused and characterized by deep spiritual fellowship. Don't be content to be spiritually luke-warm so to speak but strive to be the example of what it looks like to passionately pursue the Lord.
3. Do little things in your relationship with women that communicate you care, respect and desire to protect. - Simply be a gentleman to the women in your life. You do these things to bring God glory not merely to win someone's heart but because you desire to serve her as your sisters in Christ.
4. Encourage women to embrace Godly femininity.- We as men should be the biggest encourager's and prayer warriors for women who are seeking to glorify God by practicing Godly femininity.
NOW FOR THE GIRLS...
1. In your Godly relationship with men, encourage and make room for them to practice servant leadership.- It is a man's biggest temptation to be passive and a woman's biggest temptation to take control. You can encourage men to be men by refusing to do the work of leadership for them. With God's help you can do this! And when a man does lead encourage Him and thank Him, show Him you appreciate it.
2. Be a sister to the men in your life.- The first way you should view a Christian guy is as your brother. No categories of "potential whatevers". Be a sister to the Christian men in your life. Pray for them. Encourage them. Spur them on.
3. Cultivate the attitude that motherhood is a noble and fulfilling calling.- Please don't believe our culture's lie about motherhood. If God has placed that desire in your heart, don't be embarrassed by it. Don't hesitate to learn the skills that will one day allow you to serve a family.
4. Cultivate godliness and inward beauty in your life.- If you want godly men to respect and cherish you as a woman, refuse to buy in to our culture's obsession with being physically beautiful and sexually alluring. This is an attitude that springs from the motives of the heart and extends to the way you dress and act around men. Remember it is the "unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" (1 Peter 3:4). Grace will make you beautiful and will attract truly godly men to you. Make godliness and inward beauty your priority.
The Bible points us back to the priority of the local church and our need for encouragement and strength from other Christians in EVERY part of life---including romance. So what do we need others for in a relationship?
1. Community reminds us of reality- Romance can cloud a person's view of reality. When our emotions and feelings are in gear, it is difficult to be objective. Invite reality checks and don't ignore what they reveal even if your flesh doesn't want to hear it.
2. Community provides protection- As men we should invite the Christian father into the relationship. We should ask permission to pursue a relationship with her and acknowledge his authority and leadership in her life. Don't try to undermine his leadership--honor it even if it means waiting longer or doing things differently than you have planned. As the woman, if you have a godly father involve him in this part of your life. Talk to him and your mom about the kind of husband you are praying for and get their counsel. Draft your dad as your personal boy screener.
3. Community provides accountability- Christian accountability is inviting others to help us live by what we know is right. It is asking them to challenge, to inquire and to question us so that our actions line up with our convictions.
Community allows us to multiply our joy. When we share something with others, we increase our own enjoyment. When you are growing in your love for someone, it's wonderful to watch your friends and family falling in love with that person too."
FRIENDSHIP- "The first and most important thing you can do in your courtship is to deepen your friendship. Growing in friendship involves learning through conversation who you are as individuals. It's having fun together and spending quality and quantity time together. Look for ways to share the different parts of your life---the fun, the mundane, and the in between. Work together and play together AND serve side by side. The strategic question to keep in mind is: How can you let each other see the REAL you? The focus should be getting to know each other not on creating premature intimacy or emotional dependence. Don't grab for more intimacy than is warranted. The focus will change as mutual confidence and commitment deepens. You'll earn access to each other's hearts over time.
FELLOWSHIP- "IT MUST HAVE A SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION! For your relationship to be strong, love for the Lord must be the common passion of your hearts. Growing in biblical fellowship involves sharing with other Christians the most important aspect of our lives--the reality of Jesus and His work in us. It involves praying together as well as taking time to talk about what God is teaching you in your individual walks with Him. Another important part of fellowship is spurring each other on in righteousness. Guarding the fruit of true biblical fellowship means increasing your love and passion for the Lord, not your emotional dependence on each other. Your goal is to point each other to Him. Another part in guarding our hearts in fellowship involves making sure we're not trying to take God's place in each others lives. Remind each other to find your soul's satisfaction in God ALONE.
ROMANCE- "Growing in romance should only take place when friendship and fellowship are deepening. Men it is your privilege to be the initiators of romantic expression in our courtships. Giver her cards and write her encouraging notes. Give her flowers and tell her how special you think she is. The most romantic things a man can do for a woman are the little things that let her know that she's on his mind and in his heart. The goal is to tell the truth about the relationship. It doesn't serve a girl if a man's romantic expression is too far ahead or too far behind. When a man knows he wants to marry a girl, he can begin seeking to win her heart. God-honoring "wooing" is neither licentious nor manipulative. It's pure, it's sincere, and it's backed up by a desire for lifelong commitment. Romantic passion awakened without commitment can lead to sin and regret. "
So what about communication? "Authentic communication is a skill that takes time, effort, and determination to learn. It also takes humility. Here are some principles ...keep in mind our goals in a God-glorifying relationship which is treating each other with holiness and sincerity and to make an informed and wise decision about marriage.
1. Communication Problems are Usually Heart Problems- Our lips are merely the messengers of our heart. Our words flow out of what's inside of us. If our words are selfish, sinful and uncaring, it is because we are sinful, selfish and uncaring.
2. Your ears are your most important communication tools- Often the best thing we can do is keep our lips sealed. Are you quick to listen? Listening is an expression of humility and genuine concern for others. The Bible tells us that a fool "delights in airing his own opinions" (prov 18:2). Don't be a fool. Listen twice as much as you talk.
3. Good communication doesn't happen by accident- Communication is something that we have to plan for and work at. Men should assume the responsibility of initiating meaningful conversations in the relationship.
4. The absence of conflict doesn't equal good communication- Our goal shouldn't be to avoid conflict but to learn to work through it and resolve it in a God-honoring way. Here are some tips
a. Learn to express your feelings and frustrations honestly but without attacking or accusing the other person (prov 11:9)
b. Choose words, expressions and a tone of voice that are kind and gentle. (Prov 15:1)
c. Don't exaggerate, distort or stretch the truth. (Eph 4:25)
d. Give actual and specific examples...don't use generalizations.
e. Commit yourself to seeking solutions instead of airing your grievances. Getting even isn't the goal--you want things resolved. (Romans 12:17-21)
f. Refuse to indulge bitterness, anger, withdrawal or argument. (Eph 4:26)
g. Don't hesitate to acknowledge your own failure and be quick to forgive. Make sure you don't hold a grudge. (Luke 17:3-4)
h. Keep talking and asking questions until you both understand clearly what the other person is saying and feeling and encourage each other as you press on towards the solution. (Romans 14:19)
i. Train your mouth and heart until you can say the right thing, in the right way at the right time for the right reasons.
5. Motive is more important than technique- Having a godly motive for your communication is key. He wants our motive to be to sincerely love and serve others. A Godly motive radically changes how and what we communicate in courtship. Instead of using words to gratify ourselves, we use them to glorify God and put the interests of others first.
You will guard as you make sure that you don't promise or imply deeper level of commitment or confidence in the relationship than you really have. As your relationship deepens and your confidence for marriage increases, you will want to begin discussing topics related to marriage. But don't get ahead of yourselves. You still need to guard.
You can't love what you don't know. You can't be truly loved if you're not truly known. And the only way to know and be known by another person is to communicate--openly, honestly, sincerely, humbly. So let's be courageous. We know what to do with our ears and our hearts and our lips."
We need to embrace our God given roles as men and women. Too often in today's society there is a mismatched confusion...a jumbled mess. Josh Harris asks the question, "If boys would be men, would girls be ladies?" I would say yes. "Before we can glorify God in our relationships with each other, we have to understand and embrace the unique roles God has assigned us as men and women.
For The Men...
"The world cries for men who are strong---strong in conviction, strong to lead, to stand, to suffer.
1. Assume the responsibility of leading and initiating your relationships with women- Leading is a form of serving. When you provide direction, suggest ideas, and initiate conversations or activities, you're serving your sisters. A servant leadership requires work. It means sacrifice. It means going out on a limb and proposing ideas, setting direction and inviting others to follow. It means listening, taking other's interests and needs into account and adjusting as necessary. It means deferring to others at times. Leadership isn't tyranny; it is service rendered.
2. Be a spiritual leader in your relationships with women.- Men should set the spiritual pace in the relationships they have with women. Men should be the ones to make sure that our relationships are deep and meaningful and not merely entertaining and superficial, but God focused and characterized by deep spiritual fellowship. Don't be content to be spiritually luke-warm so to speak but strive to be the example of what it looks like to passionately pursue the Lord.
3. Do little things in your relationship with women that communicate you care, respect and desire to protect. - Simply be a gentleman to the women in your life. You do these things to bring God glory not merely to win someone's heart but because you desire to serve her as your sisters in Christ.
4. Encourage women to embrace Godly femininity.- We as men should be the biggest encourager's and prayer warriors for women who are seeking to glorify God by practicing Godly femininity.
NOW FOR THE GIRLS...
1. In your Godly relationship with men, encourage and make room for them to practice servant leadership.- It is a man's biggest temptation to be passive and a woman's biggest temptation to take control. You can encourage men to be men by refusing to do the work of leadership for them. With God's help you can do this! And when a man does lead encourage Him and thank Him, show Him you appreciate it.
2. Be a sister to the men in your life.- The first way you should view a Christian guy is as your brother. No categories of "potential whatevers". Be a sister to the Christian men in your life. Pray for them. Encourage them. Spur them on.
3. Cultivate the attitude that motherhood is a noble and fulfilling calling.- Please don't believe our culture's lie about motherhood. If God has placed that desire in your heart, don't be embarrassed by it. Don't hesitate to learn the skills that will one day allow you to serve a family.
4. Cultivate godliness and inward beauty in your life.- If you want godly men to respect and cherish you as a woman, refuse to buy in to our culture's obsession with being physically beautiful and sexually alluring. This is an attitude that springs from the motives of the heart and extends to the way you dress and act around men. Remember it is the "unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" (1 Peter 3:4). Grace will make you beautiful and will attract truly godly men to you. Make godliness and inward beauty your priority.
The Bible points us back to the priority of the local church and our need for encouragement and strength from other Christians in EVERY part of life---including romance. So what do we need others for in a relationship?
1. Community reminds us of reality- Romance can cloud a person's view of reality. When our emotions and feelings are in gear, it is difficult to be objective. Invite reality checks and don't ignore what they reveal even if your flesh doesn't want to hear it.
2. Community provides protection- As men we should invite the Christian father into the relationship. We should ask permission to pursue a relationship with her and acknowledge his authority and leadership in her life. Don't try to undermine his leadership--honor it even if it means waiting longer or doing things differently than you have planned. As the woman, if you have a godly father involve him in this part of your life. Talk to him and your mom about the kind of husband you are praying for and get their counsel. Draft your dad as your personal boy screener.
3. Community provides accountability- Christian accountability is inviting others to help us live by what we know is right. It is asking them to challenge, to inquire and to question us so that our actions line up with our convictions.
Community allows us to multiply our joy. When we share something with others, we increase our own enjoyment. When you are growing in your love for someone, it's wonderful to watch your friends and family falling in love with that person too."
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Lets Get To The Point: Relationships Part 3
Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris PART ONE
There is no point in getting in an argument about the difference between "dating" and "courtship" or which one you find more appropriate etc. What is more important is getting to the heart of the matter...understanding romance from the perspective of the Creator of it. Getting romance right from Jesus' perspective is seeing God's glory as the ultimate purpose/goal of EVERY relationship (marriage, friendship, parent to child etc.). Jesus may have never taught a sermon on "dating" so to speak but He did teach about the right way to do relationships. When asked about what was the most important commandment Jesus responds in Mark 12:29-33 like this "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'There is no commandment greater than these"Well said, teacher," the man replied. "You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."
"Jesus is saying that what really matters in life is to love God with every fiber of our being--heart, soul, mind and strength--and to let that love spill over into the way we treat our fellow man. He's telling us that if we want to get life right we need to make it about God's glory." Paul said it great in 1 Cor 10:31, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." So what essentials should we possess in every relationship?
1. Joyful Obedience to God's Word
2. Selfless Desire to do What is Best for the Other Person
3. Humble Embrace of Community
4. A Commitment to Guard the Sacredness of Sex
5. A Deep Satisfaction in God
"Romance is a very good thing. But just because it is good doesn't mean that we can enjoy it whenever and however we please. Like all other good gifts God made , romantic love can be misused. Song of Solomon is filled ith reminders not to remove that passion from the boundaries of God's timing and purpose (8:4). Matching romance with wisdom doesn't necessarily mean that you do the opposite of what you want. What it does mean is that you learn to do what's best. When we guide romance with wisdom, we have skillful romance--romance that is directed by what is true about God and about the world He has made. So here are three helpful tips on combining the two...
1. Romance says, "I want it now!" Wisdom urges patience- Proverbs 19:11 says, "A man's wisdom gives him patience." Wisdom calls us to slow down. We can be patient because we know that God is sovereign and that He is faithful. Patience is an expression of the trust that God is the Master planner. Don't let impatience lead you to rush. Take your time. Enjoy here God has the two of you right now. Savor each moment, don't settle for less.
2. Romance says, "Let feelings decide what happens." Wisdom leads us to pursue a purposeful relationship- The way of sin it to try to separate feelings from commitment. In Proverbs, foolishness is portrayed as a wicked seductress who lures her victim with the offer of romantic and sexual pleasure devoid of responsibility. So what is courtship? Dating with a purpose. It's friendship plus possiblity. It's romance chaperoned by wisdom. IT's not without risk; it is simply a way to be careful with the other person's heart while opening up your lives together to God's joyful best.
3. Romance says, "Enjoy the fantasy." Wisdom calls us to bas our emotions and perceptions in reality.- Prov 19:2 says "It is not good to have zeal without knowledge nor to be hasty and miss the way." In a relationship, if our values are godly and our perception of what we value is accurate, our emotions will be appropriate and healthy. But if either is out of sync with the truth, our emotions will be inappropriate and unhealthy. Our goal should be to be properly excited about what is really important. The skillful romance doesn't disdain or rule out emotions and passion. But it does call us to make sure that these feelings are flowing from reality, not rationalization. We want the TRUE character of someone to win our heart. We want our emotions to respond to who they really are and to the true status of the relationship.
The problems we see in relationships today---the impatience, the lack of purpose, and the misguided emotions--are expressions of foolishness. We need wisdom. Wisdom complements romance."
There is a story of a guy who talked to his parents and pastor and the Lord about whether he was ready for marriage. He wrote down these questions:
1. Am I prepared to lead my wife spiritually and serve her in EVERY way?
2. Do I have proven character in all areas and am I growing in godliness?
3. To whom and for whom am I accountable?
4. How am I involved in my local church? What are my gift areas? What are hers?
5. Are my motives for pursuing marriage selfish and worldly or do they honor God?
6. Can I provide financially now?
7. What do my pastors and parents have to say?
John Calvin once said, "The evil in our desire typically does not lie in what we want, but in that we want it too much."
"We need to remember that God is interested in the journey and not just the destination. God is in no rush. He wants to use this process, all the questions and uncertainties it involves to refine us , sanctify us, and increase our faith. Make sure you don't overspiritualize decision making. God uses very practical means. God knows all things. He knows whom we'll marry before we meet him or her. But that doesn't mean our task is to discover what He already knows or to worry that we might miss His perfect plan. Our responsibility is to love Him, study His Word, deepen our relationship with Him, serve Him, and learn to evaluate our choices in light of biblical wisdom. Do we sin, fail and messup? Yes, but God works through our choices and actions---even our missteps--to accomplish His best in our lives. And remember that often times our romanticized ideal of what we want in a spouse is often different from what God says matters. We need to make sure that we don't let our own romanticized and foolish notions lead us into marrying a person who lacks Godly character.
Perhaps after all our worries and questions, we'll discover that all along God had the right thing at the right time for us. Perhaps His plan is more wonderful than anything we could create by ourselves--perhaps we should entrust our questions of how? and who? and when? into His tender care." After all...He gets it right every time!
There is no point in getting in an argument about the difference between "dating" and "courtship" or which one you find more appropriate etc. What is more important is getting to the heart of the matter...understanding romance from the perspective of the Creator of it. Getting romance right from Jesus' perspective is seeing God's glory as the ultimate purpose/goal of EVERY relationship (marriage, friendship, parent to child etc.). Jesus may have never taught a sermon on "dating" so to speak but He did teach about the right way to do relationships. When asked about what was the most important commandment Jesus responds in Mark 12:29-33 like this "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'There is no commandment greater than these"Well said, teacher," the man replied. "You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."
"Jesus is saying that what really matters in life is to love God with every fiber of our being--heart, soul, mind and strength--and to let that love spill over into the way we treat our fellow man. He's telling us that if we want to get life right we need to make it about God's glory." Paul said it great in 1 Cor 10:31, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." So what essentials should we possess in every relationship?
1. Joyful Obedience to God's Word
2. Selfless Desire to do What is Best for the Other Person
3. Humble Embrace of Community
4. A Commitment to Guard the Sacredness of Sex
5. A Deep Satisfaction in God
"Romance is a very good thing. But just because it is good doesn't mean that we can enjoy it whenever and however we please. Like all other good gifts God made , romantic love can be misused. Song of Solomon is filled ith reminders not to remove that passion from the boundaries of God's timing and purpose (8:4). Matching romance with wisdom doesn't necessarily mean that you do the opposite of what you want. What it does mean is that you learn to do what's best. When we guide romance with wisdom, we have skillful romance--romance that is directed by what is true about God and about the world He has made. So here are three helpful tips on combining the two...
1. Romance says, "I want it now!" Wisdom urges patience- Proverbs 19:11 says, "A man's wisdom gives him patience." Wisdom calls us to slow down. We can be patient because we know that God is sovereign and that He is faithful. Patience is an expression of the trust that God is the Master planner. Don't let impatience lead you to rush. Take your time. Enjoy here God has the two of you right now. Savor each moment, don't settle for less.
2. Romance says, "Let feelings decide what happens." Wisdom leads us to pursue a purposeful relationship- The way of sin it to try to separate feelings from commitment. In Proverbs, foolishness is portrayed as a wicked seductress who lures her victim with the offer of romantic and sexual pleasure devoid of responsibility. So what is courtship? Dating with a purpose. It's friendship plus possiblity. It's romance chaperoned by wisdom. IT's not without risk; it is simply a way to be careful with the other person's heart while opening up your lives together to God's joyful best.
3. Romance says, "Enjoy the fantasy." Wisdom calls us to bas our emotions and perceptions in reality.- Prov 19:2 says "It is not good to have zeal without knowledge nor to be hasty and miss the way." In a relationship, if our values are godly and our perception of what we value is accurate, our emotions will be appropriate and healthy. But if either is out of sync with the truth, our emotions will be inappropriate and unhealthy. Our goal should be to be properly excited about what is really important. The skillful romance doesn't disdain or rule out emotions and passion. But it does call us to make sure that these feelings are flowing from reality, not rationalization. We want the TRUE character of someone to win our heart. We want our emotions to respond to who they really are and to the true status of the relationship.
The problems we see in relationships today---the impatience, the lack of purpose, and the misguided emotions--are expressions of foolishness. We need wisdom. Wisdom complements romance."
There is a story of a guy who talked to his parents and pastor and the Lord about whether he was ready for marriage. He wrote down these questions:
1. Am I prepared to lead my wife spiritually and serve her in EVERY way?
2. Do I have proven character in all areas and am I growing in godliness?
3. To whom and for whom am I accountable?
4. How am I involved in my local church? What are my gift areas? What are hers?
5. Are my motives for pursuing marriage selfish and worldly or do they honor God?
6. Can I provide financially now?
7. What do my pastors and parents have to say?
John Calvin once said, "The evil in our desire typically does not lie in what we want, but in that we want it too much."
"We need to remember that God is interested in the journey and not just the destination. God is in no rush. He wants to use this process, all the questions and uncertainties it involves to refine us , sanctify us, and increase our faith. Make sure you don't overspiritualize decision making. God uses very practical means. God knows all things. He knows whom we'll marry before we meet him or her. But that doesn't mean our task is to discover what He already knows or to worry that we might miss His perfect plan. Our responsibility is to love Him, study His Word, deepen our relationship with Him, serve Him, and learn to evaluate our choices in light of biblical wisdom. Do we sin, fail and messup? Yes, but God works through our choices and actions---even our missteps--to accomplish His best in our lives. And remember that often times our romanticized ideal of what we want in a spouse is often different from what God says matters. We need to make sure that we don't let our own romanticized and foolish notions lead us into marrying a person who lacks Godly character.
Perhaps after all our worries and questions, we'll discover that all along God had the right thing at the right time for us. Perhaps His plan is more wonderful than anything we could create by ourselves--perhaps we should entrust our questions of how? and who? and when? into His tender care." After all...He gets it right every time!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Lets Get More- Dating Part 2
This blog will be shorter than the last as there isn't a whole lot I want to convey from this next book but there is some Truth about some crucial spiritual disciplines in a potential mate that I think will encourage you.
The Book of Romance by Tommy Nelson
Three Questions to Ask Yourself About the Potential Spouse...
"As you get to know this person, look for the spiritual disciplines and spiritual direction evident in the life of the person. Don't rely on "someday I want to" or "I know I need to" statements. Look for the evidence TODAY in their life.
1. Does this person have a daily quiet time with the Lord? "Few spiritual disciplines are as revealing as this one. If a person has a daily quiet time with the Lord then that person is putting himself into a position to be led and directed by the Lord daily. His faith is alive and active. He or she has disciplined their walk with the Lord.
2. Is He/She involved actively in a Christian church? "They must be a deeply committed member and be counted to be faithful through good times and bad. Serving the Lord in every aspect. "
3. Does the person desire to pursue the same type of spiritual life and ministry that you desire? "Find a person who is running in the same direction at the same speed as you are and if you continue alongside each other you just may decide you want to run together."
The Book of Romance by Tommy Nelson
Three Questions to Ask Yourself About the Potential Spouse...
"As you get to know this person, look for the spiritual disciplines and spiritual direction evident in the life of the person. Don't rely on "someday I want to" or "I know I need to" statements. Look for the evidence TODAY in their life.
1. Does this person have a daily quiet time with the Lord? "Few spiritual disciplines are as revealing as this one. If a person has a daily quiet time with the Lord then that person is putting himself into a position to be led and directed by the Lord daily. His faith is alive and active. He or she has disciplined their walk with the Lord.
2. Is He/She involved actively in a Christian church? "They must be a deeply committed member and be counted to be faithful through good times and bad. Serving the Lord in every aspect. "
3. Does the person desire to pursue the same type of spiritual life and ministry that you desire? "Find a person who is running in the same direction at the same speed as you are and if you continue alongside each other you just may decide you want to run together."
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Rethinking "Dating" Part 1
Over the past few weeks I have had the opportunity to revisit some of my favorite "dating" books throughout the years. Although many of them are filled with opinion and experience, while weeding through the jumbled mess I have had the chance to find spiritual Truths and challenges placed forth that have enabled me to "re-vamp" my perspective on the whole idea and notion of "dating". Before I explain, let me remind all of you that not everything I am saying here is "biblical" but rather what I believe to be an execution of Godly wisdom and maturity in my own walk with the Lord. I am going to write a couple notes about them taking from each book.
I KISSED DATING GOODBYE - Joshua Harris
I have come to understand that God's lordship in my life doesn't merely tinker with my approach to romance---it completely transforms it. God not only wants me to act differently; He wants me to think differently---to view purity, love and singleness from His perspective, to have a new lifestyle and a new attitude. The basis of this new attitude is God's love for us. The word "love" is messed up by the world and has unfortunately been tainted so terribly that even Christians have fallen prey to a misunderstanding. Love to the world is an emotion, a romantic feeling, the thing that gives you butterflies in your tummy...but is that really what God says about it? Absolutely not. Love for the Christian is defined by a cross and a man who hung for the sins of this world...love for us is defined by God. For God is love. Our love for others therefore should be shaped by God's love for us. God's Word teaches us that if we truly trust in Jesus Christ, we die to our old way of living and we can no longer live for ourselves but now for God and the good of others. So that means that relationships with the opposite sex can no longer be about "having a good time" or "learning what I want in a relationship". They are not about getting but about giving. "When I stopped worrying about whom I was going to marry and began trusting in God's timing, I uncovered the incredible potential of serving God as a single".
Sinful and selfish people are the cause of sinful and selfish relationships. Although 'dating' in and of itself may not be sinful, it can encourage sinful behaviors. Here are some:
1. Dating Tends To Skip The Friendship Stage of a Relationship- "Dating encourages romantic expectations. In a true friendship you don't feel pressured by knowing that you "like" the other person or that he or she "likes" you back. You feel free to be yourself, and to do things together without spending three hours in front of the mirror making sure you look perfect. C.S. Lewis describes friendship as two people walking side by side toward a common goal."
2. Dating Often mistakes a Physical Relationship For Love- "A physical relationship doesn't equal love. Many people believe that going out with someone means physical involvement. Physical involvement can distort two people's perspective of each other and lead to unwise choices. God also knows we'll carry the memories of our past physical involvements into marriage. Physical involvement can make two people feel close. But if many people really examined the focus of their dating relationships, they'd probably discover that all they have in common is lust."
3.Dating Often Isolates a Couple From Other Vital Relationships- "By its definition, dating is about two people focusing on each other. Unfortunately, in most cases the rest of the world fades into the background. If we make our decisions about life based solely on the influence of one relationship, we'll probably make poor judgments."
4. Dating Can Distract Young Adults From Their Primary Responsibility of Preparing For the Future- :Being distracted by love is not such a bad thing---unless God wants you doing something else. One of the saddest tendencies of dating is to distract young adults from developing their God-given abilities and skills. Instead of serving in their local church, instead of equipping themselves with character, education, and experience necessary to succeed in life, many allow themselves to be consumed by the present needs that dating emphasize."
5. Dating Can Cause Discontentment With God's Gift of Singleness- "Although we don't sin when we look forward to marraige, we might be guilty of poor stewardship of our singleness when we allow a desire for something God obviously doesn't have for us YET rob us our ability to enjoy and appreciate what he has given us. Instead of enjoying the unique qualities of singlenss, dating causing people to focus on what they don't have."
6. Dating Can Create an Artificial Environment for Evaluating Another Person's Character- "Dating creates an artificial environment for people to interact in. As a result, each person can easily convey an equally artificial image. Dating creates an artificial environment that doesn't require a person to accurately portray his or her positive or negative characteristics."
7.Dating Often Becomes an End in Itself- "It can seem like you're making something happen but you might just get into a holding pattern of one short-term relationship after another."
If you have dated all of these things probably ring true. I think that for far too long we have approached this whole dating thing like the world does and we need to stop wasting time and get a new attitude! But how do we change our attitude? We need to realize that every relationship is an opportunity to model Christ's love. We must practice God's love as He defines it by sincerely serving and selflessly serving others. We need to also realize that our unmarried years are a gift from God. When we learn to be content with friendship during the time God wants us to be single it frees us up for pursuing more effective ministry and deeper friendships. We also need to realize that we shouldn't even be pursuing relationships until we are ready for marriage! We need to know that we do not OWN anyone outside of marriage and if we end up breaking up and have behaved this way, we have stolen things from one another. We need to promise to avoid situations that could compromise the purity of our minds or our bodies. Where, when and with whom you choose to spend your time reveals your true commitment to purity. "Choosing to quit the dating game doesn't mean rejecting friendship with the opposite sex, companionship, romance or marriage. We can still pursue these things: we just choose to pursue them on God's terms and in His time."
So back to the whole idea of "love". "The world's deceptions flow from the belief that love is primarly for the fulfillment and comfort of self. The world poisons love by focusing first and foremost on meeting one's own needs." They look at love as a feeling that it is out of our control and we have no responsibility over it. God again defines love through His Son on the cross. Christ taught us that love is not for the fulfillment of self but for the glory of God and the good of others. True love is selfless. "True love always expresses itself in obedience to God and service to others." We need to remember that as Christians we bear Christ's name and we have the responsibility to show His love on this earth. "We can't love as God loves and date as the world dates!"
"Only by learning to wait and accepting the good with the bad do we truly attain those things that are worthwhile. And we can only determine the appropriate time for pursuing romance when we understand God's purposes for singleness and trust His timing for relationships. God wants us to appreciate the gifts of the present season of our lives. he wants us to learn the patience and trust necessary to wait for His perfect timing in all things, including our love lives." We have lost the biblical truth of seasons (Ecclesiastes). We can't skip ahead or rush experiences to get to the next thing. Just because something seems good doesn't mean we should pursue it right now...the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing. We need to stop shopping around prematurely and realize that singleness is a gift from God. He has created this season in your life as an unparalleled opportunity for complete devotion. "Don't do something about your singlehood...do something with it!" "Waiting for God's timing requires trusting in His goodness and wisdom. We develop patience as we trust that God denies us what we think is good only because He has something better for us--both now and in the future. Do you really trust Him? When we define our happiness by some point in the future, it will NEVER arrive. We'll keep waiting until tomorrow. If we allow impatience to govern us we will miss the giftof the moment. We'll arrive later at the point in time we expected to provide fulfillment and find it lacking. Singleness is a gift. Let's rejoice in it and enjoy its opportunities today. Let's practice trusting God by pursuing His kingdom and His righteousness with all our hearts and leave the planning to Him. In this life we will not understand all He does. But we know that in the end His perfect timing will be revealed".
Do we live lives that foster purity?? "True purity is a direction, a persistent, determined pursuit of righteousness. This direction starts in the heart, and we express it in a lifestyle that flees opportunities for compromise". Big sins don't happen overnight...look at David and Bathesheba...it happened one step at a time. We must remember that true purity flees fast and from any ounce of sin and compromise. Living a pure life however doesn't just happen...it requires the teamwork of "your heart and your feet...the path you take with your feet should never contradict the conviction of your heart". So if we have to fight for it what can we do: "Respect the deep significance of physical intimacy- Men tend to see the physical as more of an experience, woman say that kissing is our way of giving our trust and our love, our heart to the man we love...it leaves them vulnerable. If you are not married to someone you have NO claim on that person's body and no right to any form of sexual intimacy." Secondly we must set our standards high. "We can only attain righteousness by doing two things--destroying sin and cutting off any opportunity to sin. Cut of sin at its root. Physical interaction encourages us to start something that we're not supposed to finish, awakening desires we're not allowed to consummate, turning on passions we have to turn off. Tolerated sin is pampered sin--it grows and gains strength." And lastly, "make the purity of others a priority". Purity requires work but God gives us the strength and our love for him should fuel the passionate pursuit of righteousness.
So we want to start new, and rethink this whole "dating"? Well, first start with a clean slate. Repent of any sinful attitudes or behaviors you have in or towards relationships. Secondly we need to involve our parents/wise mentors as our teammates. We need their wisdom and accountability. Third, we need to establish clear guidelines, "Rules by themselves won't change our hearts, but once we've taken on a new attitude, protective guidelines can help keep us on course." Fourth, we need to see who is whispering in our ear. "Who and what you listen to, read, and watch will either encourage or conflict with your commtiment to pursue God's best in relationships. Whatever tempts you towards discontentment and compromise, don't put up with it!" And lastly, we need to season our conviction with humility. We need to use wisdom and humility to share our Godly conviction about relationships. "Our key motive in communicating our beliefs about dating should be to serve others".
Just Friends? We need to understand the difference between friendship and intimacy.. "We picture lovers as face to face, but friends as side by side; their eyes look ahead. The key to friendship i s a common goal or object which both companions focus."We need to be inclusive and not exclusive; including others and not just one on one all the time. We need to make the priority of having deep same-sex friendships. "There is a chance we are being lazy and selfish by avoiding these relationships that would cause us to grow in character." We need to seek opportunities to serve and not to be entertained. "What can you learn about someone while serving side by side with them?" We have to work and guard our friendships.
So how do we fight lust, infatuation and selfpity? "The human heart doesn't like taking orders from the mind. The time will come for all of us when we don't feel like doing the godly and responsible thing we have resolved to do." We need to protect ourselves form our heart's own sinfluness. Jeremiah 17:9 shows us just how wicked our hearts are. We need to consistently evaluate the purity of our hearts. "Infatuation can be a sinful response to attraction. Instead of making God the object of our longing, we wrongly direct these feelings towards another human being...we must reject the notion that a human relatiionship can every truly fulfill us." Secondly lust can destroy us. To lust is to crave something sexually that God has forbidden. We must detest it like God does in order to fight it. "We should seek to completely remove lust from our minds praying Psalm 51:10. " "Self pity is the worship of our circumstances. Self pity is a sinful response to the feelings of loneliness. We don't sin when we feel lonely or admit a desire for companionship, but we do sin when we use these feelings as an excuese to turn from God to exalt our own needs." So we have to keep our hearts on guard and remember it is He who sustains and strengthens us.
Redeem the Time You Have Now! "Even though we don't know the next step regarding our romantic relationships, we still have work to do. We have bad habits to get rid of, good habits to develop and character to build. We know that we have today to move with resolute energy towards maturity and Christlikeness. Our faithfulness in the small things now earns us the right to handle bigger responsibilities down the road. We cannot ignore our current responsibilities and expect to magically gain the strength of character and virtue that will make us good husbands and wives. If we aren't faithful and growing in the relationship we have now , we won't be prepared to pursue faithfulness and growth in marriage later. Marriage won't transform us into different people, it will only act as a mirror to show us who we really are. So practice intimacy, practice seeking God with others, PRactice financial responsibility, practice parenthood, practice practical life skills. We prepare and develop our character so we can become as felxible and useful for Him as possible no matter what He plans for our future."
SO...What Matters at 50?? "As we consider what's important in a marriage partner, we need to get past the surface issues of looks, dress, and performance in front of others. Character is what you are in the dark when nobody but God is watching." So how do we evaluate someone's character? We examine it in three areas: The way the relate to God, the way they relate others (authorities, parents, companions, the opposite sex) and the way a person disciplines their daily lives (time, money and how they take care of their body). We also must look at their attitude and see their willingness to obey God, their humility, their industrialness (how they approach all work), and their attitude of contentment/hope.
"What I hope you see is that seeking to obey God and genuinely careing for others is far more important than what word we choose to use. The first priority of a guy and a girl is t o get to know each other better as individuals to gain an unbiased and accurate view of each other's true nature. We need to avoid doing and saying things that express romantic love. It will take patience and self-control not to express your feelings prematurely, but it is worth it. Song of Solomon 8:4 reminds us "not to awaken love until the time is right". If you really think about it, the need to blurt out our feelings is usually motivated by selfishness not by a desire to enhance the other person's life. It is always wise to seek to get to know the person better as a friend and seek God's guidance. During this watching and waiting we need to ask some tough questions..."Based on the character I've observed in our friendship, would I consider marrying this person? We need to wait on God and refuse to pursue romance until we get the go-ahead from...God's Word (seek His Word and will), Are you ready for marraige (spiritually, maturity wise, financially), Approval and support of parents or guardians, and God's peace. Then is the period of purposeful courtship. Men are to take the initiative. Men must honor her parents. Going the distance to give them the respect they deserve and put yourself on trial...invite the parents to ask pointed questions like what kind of plan do you have to support thier daughter? What kind of activities you plan on pursuing to win her hand in marriage? etc. No matter what response you receive from the girl's parents be humble enough to listen and honor them. God will bless you for doing so. Remember they've invested a big part of their lives in her. And God has placed them in her life to protect her. Don't try to circumvent their authoriity. Instead work with it and benefit from their wisdom. Then test and build the relationship in real-life settings. The next stage is engagement. Remembering always to reserve the passion for marriage."
"Someday you'll have a story to tell. How will you respond when one day you look back on your love story? Will it bring tears of joy or remorse? Will it remind you of God's goodness or your lack of faith in that goodness? Will it be a story of selfless ove, faith and purity? Or will it be a story of impatience, selfishness and compromise? It's your choice. I encourage you to let God write a love story with your life that you'll feel proud to tell."
I KISSED DATING GOODBYE - Joshua Harris
I have come to understand that God's lordship in my life doesn't merely tinker with my approach to romance---it completely transforms it. God not only wants me to act differently; He wants me to think differently---to view purity, love and singleness from His perspective, to have a new lifestyle and a new attitude. The basis of this new attitude is God's love for us. The word "love" is messed up by the world and has unfortunately been tainted so terribly that even Christians have fallen prey to a misunderstanding. Love to the world is an emotion, a romantic feeling, the thing that gives you butterflies in your tummy...but is that really what God says about it? Absolutely not. Love for the Christian is defined by a cross and a man who hung for the sins of this world...love for us is defined by God. For God is love. Our love for others therefore should be shaped by God's love for us. God's Word teaches us that if we truly trust in Jesus Christ, we die to our old way of living and we can no longer live for ourselves but now for God and the good of others. So that means that relationships with the opposite sex can no longer be about "having a good time" or "learning what I want in a relationship". They are not about getting but about giving. "When I stopped worrying about whom I was going to marry and began trusting in God's timing, I uncovered the incredible potential of serving God as a single".
Sinful and selfish people are the cause of sinful and selfish relationships. Although 'dating' in and of itself may not be sinful, it can encourage sinful behaviors. Here are some:
1. Dating Tends To Skip The Friendship Stage of a Relationship- "Dating encourages romantic expectations. In a true friendship you don't feel pressured by knowing that you "like" the other person or that he or she "likes" you back. You feel free to be yourself, and to do things together without spending three hours in front of the mirror making sure you look perfect. C.S. Lewis describes friendship as two people walking side by side toward a common goal."
2. Dating Often mistakes a Physical Relationship For Love- "A physical relationship doesn't equal love. Many people believe that going out with someone means physical involvement. Physical involvement can distort two people's perspective of each other and lead to unwise choices. God also knows we'll carry the memories of our past physical involvements into marriage. Physical involvement can make two people feel close. But if many people really examined the focus of their dating relationships, they'd probably discover that all they have in common is lust."
3.Dating Often Isolates a Couple From Other Vital Relationships- "By its definition, dating is about two people focusing on each other. Unfortunately, in most cases the rest of the world fades into the background. If we make our decisions about life based solely on the influence of one relationship, we'll probably make poor judgments."
4. Dating Can Distract Young Adults From Their Primary Responsibility of Preparing For the Future- :Being distracted by love is not such a bad thing---unless God wants you doing something else. One of the saddest tendencies of dating is to distract young adults from developing their God-given abilities and skills. Instead of serving in their local church, instead of equipping themselves with character, education, and experience necessary to succeed in life, many allow themselves to be consumed by the present needs that dating emphasize."
5. Dating Can Cause Discontentment With God's Gift of Singleness- "Although we don't sin when we look forward to marraige, we might be guilty of poor stewardship of our singleness when we allow a desire for something God obviously doesn't have for us YET rob us our ability to enjoy and appreciate what he has given us. Instead of enjoying the unique qualities of singlenss, dating causing people to focus on what they don't have."
6. Dating Can Create an Artificial Environment for Evaluating Another Person's Character- "Dating creates an artificial environment for people to interact in. As a result, each person can easily convey an equally artificial image. Dating creates an artificial environment that doesn't require a person to accurately portray his or her positive or negative characteristics."
7.Dating Often Becomes an End in Itself- "It can seem like you're making something happen but you might just get into a holding pattern of one short-term relationship after another."
If you have dated all of these things probably ring true. I think that for far too long we have approached this whole dating thing like the world does and we need to stop wasting time and get a new attitude! But how do we change our attitude? We need to realize that every relationship is an opportunity to model Christ's love. We must practice God's love as He defines it by sincerely serving and selflessly serving others. We need to also realize that our unmarried years are a gift from God. When we learn to be content with friendship during the time God wants us to be single it frees us up for pursuing more effective ministry and deeper friendships. We also need to realize that we shouldn't even be pursuing relationships until we are ready for marriage! We need to know that we do not OWN anyone outside of marriage and if we end up breaking up and have behaved this way, we have stolen things from one another. We need to promise to avoid situations that could compromise the purity of our minds or our bodies. Where, when and with whom you choose to spend your time reveals your true commitment to purity. "Choosing to quit the dating game doesn't mean rejecting friendship with the opposite sex, companionship, romance or marriage. We can still pursue these things: we just choose to pursue them on God's terms and in His time."
So back to the whole idea of "love". "The world's deceptions flow from the belief that love is primarly for the fulfillment and comfort of self. The world poisons love by focusing first and foremost on meeting one's own needs." They look at love as a feeling that it is out of our control and we have no responsibility over it. God again defines love through His Son on the cross. Christ taught us that love is not for the fulfillment of self but for the glory of God and the good of others. True love is selfless. "True love always expresses itself in obedience to God and service to others." We need to remember that as Christians we bear Christ's name and we have the responsibility to show His love on this earth. "We can't love as God loves and date as the world dates!"
"Only by learning to wait and accepting the good with the bad do we truly attain those things that are worthwhile. And we can only determine the appropriate time for pursuing romance when we understand God's purposes for singleness and trust His timing for relationships. God wants us to appreciate the gifts of the present season of our lives. he wants us to learn the patience and trust necessary to wait for His perfect timing in all things, including our love lives." We have lost the biblical truth of seasons (Ecclesiastes). We can't skip ahead or rush experiences to get to the next thing. Just because something seems good doesn't mean we should pursue it right now...the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing. We need to stop shopping around prematurely and realize that singleness is a gift from God. He has created this season in your life as an unparalleled opportunity for complete devotion. "Don't do something about your singlehood...do something with it!" "Waiting for God's timing requires trusting in His goodness and wisdom. We develop patience as we trust that God denies us what we think is good only because He has something better for us--both now and in the future. Do you really trust Him? When we define our happiness by some point in the future, it will NEVER arrive. We'll keep waiting until tomorrow. If we allow impatience to govern us we will miss the giftof the moment. We'll arrive later at the point in time we expected to provide fulfillment and find it lacking. Singleness is a gift. Let's rejoice in it and enjoy its opportunities today. Let's practice trusting God by pursuing His kingdom and His righteousness with all our hearts and leave the planning to Him. In this life we will not understand all He does. But we know that in the end His perfect timing will be revealed".
Do we live lives that foster purity?? "True purity is a direction, a persistent, determined pursuit of righteousness. This direction starts in the heart, and we express it in a lifestyle that flees opportunities for compromise". Big sins don't happen overnight...look at David and Bathesheba...it happened one step at a time. We must remember that true purity flees fast and from any ounce of sin and compromise. Living a pure life however doesn't just happen...it requires the teamwork of "your heart and your feet...the path you take with your feet should never contradict the conviction of your heart". So if we have to fight for it what can we do: "Respect the deep significance of physical intimacy- Men tend to see the physical as more of an experience, woman say that kissing is our way of giving our trust and our love, our heart to the man we love...it leaves them vulnerable. If you are not married to someone you have NO claim on that person's body and no right to any form of sexual intimacy." Secondly we must set our standards high. "We can only attain righteousness by doing two things--destroying sin and cutting off any opportunity to sin. Cut of sin at its root. Physical interaction encourages us to start something that we're not supposed to finish, awakening desires we're not allowed to consummate, turning on passions we have to turn off. Tolerated sin is pampered sin--it grows and gains strength." And lastly, "make the purity of others a priority". Purity requires work but God gives us the strength and our love for him should fuel the passionate pursuit of righteousness.
So we want to start new, and rethink this whole "dating"? Well, first start with a clean slate. Repent of any sinful attitudes or behaviors you have in or towards relationships. Secondly we need to involve our parents/wise mentors as our teammates. We need their wisdom and accountability. Third, we need to establish clear guidelines, "Rules by themselves won't change our hearts, but once we've taken on a new attitude, protective guidelines can help keep us on course." Fourth, we need to see who is whispering in our ear. "Who and what you listen to, read, and watch will either encourage or conflict with your commtiment to pursue God's best in relationships. Whatever tempts you towards discontentment and compromise, don't put up with it!" And lastly, we need to season our conviction with humility. We need to use wisdom and humility to share our Godly conviction about relationships. "Our key motive in communicating our beliefs about dating should be to serve others".
Just Friends? We need to understand the difference between friendship and intimacy.. "We picture lovers as face to face, but friends as side by side; their eyes look ahead. The key to friendship i s a common goal or object which both companions focus."We need to be inclusive and not exclusive; including others and not just one on one all the time. We need to make the priority of having deep same-sex friendships. "There is a chance we are being lazy and selfish by avoiding these relationships that would cause us to grow in character." We need to seek opportunities to serve and not to be entertained. "What can you learn about someone while serving side by side with them?" We have to work and guard our friendships.
So how do we fight lust, infatuation and selfpity? "The human heart doesn't like taking orders from the mind. The time will come for all of us when we don't feel like doing the godly and responsible thing we have resolved to do." We need to protect ourselves form our heart's own sinfluness. Jeremiah 17:9 shows us just how wicked our hearts are. We need to consistently evaluate the purity of our hearts. "Infatuation can be a sinful response to attraction. Instead of making God the object of our longing, we wrongly direct these feelings towards another human being...we must reject the notion that a human relatiionship can every truly fulfill us." Secondly lust can destroy us. To lust is to crave something sexually that God has forbidden. We must detest it like God does in order to fight it. "We should seek to completely remove lust from our minds praying Psalm 51:10. " "Self pity is the worship of our circumstances. Self pity is a sinful response to the feelings of loneliness. We don't sin when we feel lonely or admit a desire for companionship, but we do sin when we use these feelings as an excuese to turn from God to exalt our own needs." So we have to keep our hearts on guard and remember it is He who sustains and strengthens us.
Redeem the Time You Have Now! "Even though we don't know the next step regarding our romantic relationships, we still have work to do. We have bad habits to get rid of, good habits to develop and character to build. We know that we have today to move with resolute energy towards maturity and Christlikeness. Our faithfulness in the small things now earns us the right to handle bigger responsibilities down the road. We cannot ignore our current responsibilities and expect to magically gain the strength of character and virtue that will make us good husbands and wives. If we aren't faithful and growing in the relationship we have now , we won't be prepared to pursue faithfulness and growth in marriage later. Marriage won't transform us into different people, it will only act as a mirror to show us who we really are. So practice intimacy, practice seeking God with others, PRactice financial responsibility, practice parenthood, practice practical life skills. We prepare and develop our character so we can become as felxible and useful for Him as possible no matter what He plans for our future."
SO...What Matters at 50?? "As we consider what's important in a marriage partner, we need to get past the surface issues of looks, dress, and performance in front of others. Character is what you are in the dark when nobody but God is watching." So how do we evaluate someone's character? We examine it in three areas: The way the relate to God, the way they relate others (authorities, parents, companions, the opposite sex) and the way a person disciplines their daily lives (time, money and how they take care of their body). We also must look at their attitude and see their willingness to obey God, their humility, their industrialness (how they approach all work), and their attitude of contentment/hope.
"What I hope you see is that seeking to obey God and genuinely careing for others is far more important than what word we choose to use. The first priority of a guy and a girl is t o get to know each other better as individuals to gain an unbiased and accurate view of each other's true nature. We need to avoid doing and saying things that express romantic love. It will take patience and self-control not to express your feelings prematurely, but it is worth it. Song of Solomon 8:4 reminds us "not to awaken love until the time is right". If you really think about it, the need to blurt out our feelings is usually motivated by selfishness not by a desire to enhance the other person's life. It is always wise to seek to get to know the person better as a friend and seek God's guidance. During this watching and waiting we need to ask some tough questions..."Based on the character I've observed in our friendship, would I consider marrying this person? We need to wait on God and refuse to pursue romance until we get the go-ahead from...God's Word (seek His Word and will), Are you ready for marraige (spiritually, maturity wise, financially), Approval and support of parents or guardians, and God's peace. Then is the period of purposeful courtship. Men are to take the initiative. Men must honor her parents. Going the distance to give them the respect they deserve and put yourself on trial...invite the parents to ask pointed questions like what kind of plan do you have to support thier daughter? What kind of activities you plan on pursuing to win her hand in marriage? etc. No matter what response you receive from the girl's parents be humble enough to listen and honor them. God will bless you for doing so. Remember they've invested a big part of their lives in her. And God has placed them in her life to protect her. Don't try to circumvent their authoriity. Instead work with it and benefit from their wisdom. Then test and build the relationship in real-life settings. The next stage is engagement. Remembering always to reserve the passion for marriage."
"Someday you'll have a story to tell. How will you respond when one day you look back on your love story? Will it bring tears of joy or remorse? Will it remind you of God's goodness or your lack of faith in that goodness? Will it be a story of selfless ove, faith and purity? Or will it be a story of impatience, selfishness and compromise? It's your choice. I encourage you to let God write a love story with your life that you'll feel proud to tell."
Sunday, January 11, 2009
It's Time to Get Serious About PATIENCE
To say I am not the most patient person is probably an understatement. Throughout my life I have tended to be one who makes quick decisions based on “signs” and likes to have what I want when I want it. Although God has sanctified me TREMENDOUSLY in this area in the past 4-5 years I am definitely far from perfection and it is through this sanctification that God reiterates over and over again how important patience is in the life of His child.
Patience…the connotation of that word is not something that any of us warm up to. It is not something that we are naturally inclined to or we would sign ourselves up for possessing. Take for example a line at the grocery store; you find the one with the shortest number of people because of course you don’t have the “time” to wait, but although this may sometimes be the case, often times reality is you just don’t have the patience. I could go on and on with many examples of what it means to lack patience but I am sure that if you take just a moment to think a plethora of them will fill your head.
Recently I decided to do a word study of what patience means and how that even pertains to the walk of the Christian. What I found during this time was both encouraging and oh so convicting…but it has put in me a new desire to strive for this attribute, this fruit of the Spirit, and to plead and depend on the Lord for it.
From the Dictionary
Patience (noun) The capacity, habit, or fact of being patient
Patient (adjective) 1: bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint2: manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain3: not hasty or impetuous4: steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity5 a: able or willing to bear
A definition of having patience: The capacity, habit or fact of bearing trials without complaint, manifesting forbearance under strain, not hasty, steadfast despite opposition, and the ability to bear or willing to bear under
What does the Bible say about patience?
The original word meaning “to have patience” makroqumevw- to be of a long spirit, not to lose heart
1. to persevere patiently and bravely in enduring misfortunes and troubles
2. to be patient in bearing the offenses and injuries of others
1. to be mild and slow in avenging
2. to be longsuffering, slow to anger, slow to punish
Here are some verses that help extend the meaning:
Proverbs 19:11- A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.
Ecclesiastes 7:8- The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.
Galatians 5:22- But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness…
Colossians 1:10-12- And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you[a] to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.
Colossians 3:12- Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
1 Timothy 1:16- But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.
Hebrews 6:12- We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.
2 Peter 3:15- Bear in mind that our Lord's patience means salvation, just as our dear brother Paul also wrote you with the wisdom that God gave him.
As we begin looking at what having patience means as we have seen a clearer explanation above we first need to admit that we struggle in this area. That we as humanity struggle to wait for what we want… That our desires often become demands. Our cultural teaches us that we deserve to get what we want when we want it and our culture on the flip slide shys away from making us work hard for anything. But as Christians we are to be counter-cultural and set apart and that means that 1. We are required to develop patience and 2. We have to work hard to obtain it. Yes, it is only by the grace of God that any of this can be achieved, but Christ commands us to work out our salvation as well. Once we realize that we have a weakness in this area and that we in fact do often give into our fleshly desire to “have it now” we must begin to realize that we need to fight it head on. We need to begin exhibiting self-control, trusting in God’s faithfulness, and exhibiting contentment with where God has us today.
When we are 15 we can’t wait for our 16th birthday so we can drive…when we turn 16 we just want to be 18 so we can get out of high school…when we graduate high school we just want to go away to college…when we get to college we just want to be done with it and in the work force…and the list goes on. Is there a common theme here? We are always looking ahead, we are always looking to the future…our impatience drives us to being discontent with where we are today. But what we MUST realize is God does not want us always looking to the next step (now obviously there is wisdom in daily life and the place of our hope in eternal glory) but he wants us enduring today, He wants us pressing on today, he wants to use us fully today; because the fact of the matter is we don’t know how many days we have been given. We want to be working faithfully when he comes, and if we are not faithfully being fully used today because we are so wrapped up in future wants/desires/needs, the Lord may come back and we may not be doing what He would desire for us to be doing.
Our prayers need to change from “Lord give me this desire” to “Lord enable me to have the strength to trust in your faithfulness in this area, to be patient for you to fulfill your promises”. We need to begin re-evaluating our prayer life. Are we praying willingly…meaning are we praying that God would do HIS will and not our own…are we praying willing to have whatever answer God has to our petitions (Yes, No, Wait) or do we pray demanding he give us what we deserve (although that would never be the tone we would use). When we pray do we believe that He has the power to answer our prayers? But do we trust that His answers are the best and that His answers are in HIS timing and not our own?
If we need an example of what patience is we can look to our Father in heaven who exhibited and still exhibits ultimate patience. We read in 2 Peter 3:9 “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” That means that God is patient with executing his wrath and judgment so that people come to saving faith! What true patience that is. Think about it for a second…God foresees all of creation falling harder and harder as time goes on yet He decides to exhibit patience because of His love. Wow! We need to take heed to His example. If we are to be imitators of Him that means we are to be imitators of Him in patience as well.
How does the world see us as different if we are patient? If we always compromise to get what we want? If we give into temptation and sin and don’t fight hard to be patient? Is it hard work? YES, but as with anything worth working for it is not going to come easy. Going against our flesh is the story of the Christian’s life but although it is marked with difficulty and tough times it is marked with increased sanctification in becoming more like the Son.
As I continue to study the whole idea of patience and the manifestation of it in our daily lives I am still learning day by day and will continue to learn but I have begun thinking that developing patience is practical. When we can have patience in our daily lives with the little things it is much easier to have it with the bigger things…so I urge you, BE PATIENT!
Remember that patience is a result of salvation…it is part of the sanctification process and because of that as you grow in Christ, your patience should be increasing. We must remember at the same time that we must do the job of working hard to grow in this area (as with all Christian disciplines/virtues). Today is the day we must stop being hasty, unwise, and lacking trust in God and instead begin working hard at being patient, wise, and choosing to trust in the faithfulness of our perfect Creator. The result will be blessing because you will have the constant reminder of God’s faithfulness tied to the great peace He provides as you trust in His perfection…and let’s face it, God ALWAYS gets it right!
Patience…the connotation of that word is not something that any of us warm up to. It is not something that we are naturally inclined to or we would sign ourselves up for possessing. Take for example a line at the grocery store; you find the one with the shortest number of people because of course you don’t have the “time” to wait, but although this may sometimes be the case, often times reality is you just don’t have the patience. I could go on and on with many examples of what it means to lack patience but I am sure that if you take just a moment to think a plethora of them will fill your head.
Recently I decided to do a word study of what patience means and how that even pertains to the walk of the Christian. What I found during this time was both encouraging and oh so convicting…but it has put in me a new desire to strive for this attribute, this fruit of the Spirit, and to plead and depend on the Lord for it.
From the Dictionary
Patience (noun) The capacity, habit, or fact of being patient
Patient (adjective) 1: bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint2: manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain3: not hasty or impetuous4: steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity5 a: able or willing to bear
A definition of having patience: The capacity, habit or fact of bearing trials without complaint, manifesting forbearance under strain, not hasty, steadfast despite opposition, and the ability to bear or willing to bear under
What does the Bible say about patience?
The original word meaning “to have patience” makroqumevw- to be of a long spirit, not to lose heart
1. to persevere patiently and bravely in enduring misfortunes and troubles
2. to be patient in bearing the offenses and injuries of others
1. to be mild and slow in avenging
2. to be longsuffering, slow to anger, slow to punish
Here are some verses that help extend the meaning:
Proverbs 19:11- A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.
Ecclesiastes 7:8- The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.
Galatians 5:22- But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness…
Colossians 1:10-12- And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you[a] to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.
Colossians 3:12- Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
1 Timothy 1:16- But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.
Hebrews 6:12- We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.
2 Peter 3:15- Bear in mind that our Lord's patience means salvation, just as our dear brother Paul also wrote you with the wisdom that God gave him.
As we begin looking at what having patience means as we have seen a clearer explanation above we first need to admit that we struggle in this area. That we as humanity struggle to wait for what we want… That our desires often become demands. Our cultural teaches us that we deserve to get what we want when we want it and our culture on the flip slide shys away from making us work hard for anything. But as Christians we are to be counter-cultural and set apart and that means that 1. We are required to develop patience and 2. We have to work hard to obtain it. Yes, it is only by the grace of God that any of this can be achieved, but Christ commands us to work out our salvation as well. Once we realize that we have a weakness in this area and that we in fact do often give into our fleshly desire to “have it now” we must begin to realize that we need to fight it head on. We need to begin exhibiting self-control, trusting in God’s faithfulness, and exhibiting contentment with where God has us today.
When we are 15 we can’t wait for our 16th birthday so we can drive…when we turn 16 we just want to be 18 so we can get out of high school…when we graduate high school we just want to go away to college…when we get to college we just want to be done with it and in the work force…and the list goes on. Is there a common theme here? We are always looking ahead, we are always looking to the future…our impatience drives us to being discontent with where we are today. But what we MUST realize is God does not want us always looking to the next step (now obviously there is wisdom in daily life and the place of our hope in eternal glory) but he wants us enduring today, He wants us pressing on today, he wants to use us fully today; because the fact of the matter is we don’t know how many days we have been given. We want to be working faithfully when he comes, and if we are not faithfully being fully used today because we are so wrapped up in future wants/desires/needs, the Lord may come back and we may not be doing what He would desire for us to be doing.
Our prayers need to change from “Lord give me this desire” to “Lord enable me to have the strength to trust in your faithfulness in this area, to be patient for you to fulfill your promises”. We need to begin re-evaluating our prayer life. Are we praying willingly…meaning are we praying that God would do HIS will and not our own…are we praying willing to have whatever answer God has to our petitions (Yes, No, Wait) or do we pray demanding he give us what we deserve (although that would never be the tone we would use). When we pray do we believe that He has the power to answer our prayers? But do we trust that His answers are the best and that His answers are in HIS timing and not our own?
If we need an example of what patience is we can look to our Father in heaven who exhibited and still exhibits ultimate patience. We read in 2 Peter 3:9 “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” That means that God is patient with executing his wrath and judgment so that people come to saving faith! What true patience that is. Think about it for a second…God foresees all of creation falling harder and harder as time goes on yet He decides to exhibit patience because of His love. Wow! We need to take heed to His example. If we are to be imitators of Him that means we are to be imitators of Him in patience as well.
How does the world see us as different if we are patient? If we always compromise to get what we want? If we give into temptation and sin and don’t fight hard to be patient? Is it hard work? YES, but as with anything worth working for it is not going to come easy. Going against our flesh is the story of the Christian’s life but although it is marked with difficulty and tough times it is marked with increased sanctification in becoming more like the Son.
As I continue to study the whole idea of patience and the manifestation of it in our daily lives I am still learning day by day and will continue to learn but I have begun thinking that developing patience is practical. When we can have patience in our daily lives with the little things it is much easier to have it with the bigger things…so I urge you, BE PATIENT!
Remember that patience is a result of salvation…it is part of the sanctification process and because of that as you grow in Christ, your patience should be increasing. We must remember at the same time that we must do the job of working hard to grow in this area (as with all Christian disciplines/virtues). Today is the day we must stop being hasty, unwise, and lacking trust in God and instead begin working hard at being patient, wise, and choosing to trust in the faithfulness of our perfect Creator. The result will be blessing because you will have the constant reminder of God’s faithfulness tied to the great peace He provides as you trust in His perfection…and let’s face it, God ALWAYS gets it right!
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Choosing to Trust
It must have been an ordinary day like any other. He had gotten up to work and take care of his daily routine as if everything was normal. During his time with the Lord however, his life was about to be thrown into a whirlwind. God was going to ask something of him he could have never anticipated. This man had struggled with faith before but God had proved faithful even when he was faithless, and now God had given him one more opportunity to choose to trust.
Abraham is noted in Hebrews 11 as a man of faith, in fact in the “hall of faith” as many like to deem it, he one of the first names mentioned. Although his life was marked with adversity and times of disobedience as a whole this man lived a life that was radically different from those who were not God’s kids, and a mark of that was his faith exhibited through trust. In Genesis 22 we read the Sunday school story of Abraham and Isaac. I remember reading it often when I was a little girl and never understanding why Abraham went along and did what God commanded. As I got older I began to realize just what a test and what amount of faith had to be exhibited because of it, and then I began to realize more than ever why His name belonged in that list. Let’s take a look at the story…
“Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about. Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you." Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?"
"Yes, my son?" Abraham replied.
"The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?" Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went on together.” (Genesis 22:3-8)
Although this passage speaks to much more than the faith exhibited let’s focus only on that for the sake of our chapter. As Abraham willingly took his most prized possession to be slaughtered he was already trusting God. He explains to the servants that “we” will return…believing that God Himself will provide another means, and provide He did. Talk about trust despite the circumstance! Did Abraham have the reasons why God was asking Him to be willing to give up his most prized earthly possession? No. Did Abraham know for sure that God would spare the child’s life? No. Did Abraham have from an earthly perspective every right to worry, fear, fret, doubt and question? Yes. But he CHOSE not to. Abraham chose to trust the faithful God who had proved himself time and time again throughout his life. When God provided a child to Sarah after many years of waiting He saw a testimony of God’s faithfulness. He had known what had happened with Noah and how God had proved faithful. Abraham had the ability in this situation to react in one of two ways. He could choose to rely on his own strength and not trust because of the confusion that he faced but instead he reacted righteously and chose to trust.
From the moment a child is born there is an innate trust that comes to the one who had that child. Each baby can identify their mother’s voice, their mother’s touch, and everything about her. There is a bond that seems unbreakable…ask any mother and they can explain. There is an assurance this child has that he or she is hers and has nothing to fear. Much like a child has this relationship with a mother, we too as daughter’s of the King have this relationship with our heavenly Father. From the moment of salvation, when we repented and put our faith in Him, we have this innate trust that seems all too unreal…in fact those who are not one of His may often even raise question and concern in this area. I remember talking with someone once soon after a trial in my life and they couldn’t understand how I could lift my head up high with a smile on my face…I couldn’t explain that innate peace that I felt within my soul but I could explain where it came from and that without Him I wouldn’t be able to even take my next breath.
Trust is not something that comes naturally to humanity when things don’t go our way. Fear, worry, anxiety, and doubt are common emotions and feelings that seem to drown our hearts often. We can all look back on situations in our lives when we have wanted so badly to trust in the Lord and that promises like Romans 8:28 (He works all things together for good for those who love Him) but just couldn’t do it. We have all had days when we have cried out to the lord and pleaded for His help much like David did throughout the Psalms and much like David wondered why we haven’t heard an answer yet.
One of the greatest books I have ever read was by a biblical counselor named Jerry Bridges. The book, Trusting God (which I highly recommend), is one that taught me something that I had never understood. I always thought that trust was something that should come naturally to the Christian, that there shouldn’t be any effort that should have to be put forth but rather that somehow I would just trust as an effect of my salvation. Then I read this quote, “Trust is not a passive state of mind. It is a vigorous act of the soul by which we lay hold on the promises of God and cling to them despite the adversity that at times seeks to overwhelm us”. I remember reading that and realizing that the reason that I often didn’t trust the good God I served was because I wasn’t choosing to, in fact often times I was choosing rather to trust my own emotions and feelings rather than what I knew to be true (that God was in control and working actively in my life).
What did choosing to trust even look like? How did I do that in a tangible way? Philippians 4:8 became a life verse and ever-present reminder to “Think Truth”. The moment I discovered that I had to put the work in this whole trusting thing I began posting these words everywhere and the encouragement I began to find and the peace I begin to have was overwhelming. Bad circumstance after heartbreak occurred and despite the momentary sorrow I may have experienced I was somehow able to fight through by His strength and remember who He was, remember His faithfulness always in my life and all throughout history, and choose to trust even when I didn’t want to. The reward was a treasure only He could provide…unexplainable peace. Philippians 4:6-8 explains that when we come to God in prayer and petition that He provides us with a peace that transcends all understanding and that is the truth!
So what are some practical ways we can choose to trust God despite our circumstances, our emotions and our hurt? Here are some ideas:
1. Spend time reading the story of Rahab in Joshua 2 or David and Goliath in 1 Samuel 17 and reflect upon the trust that these children of God exhibited.
2. Spend time studying the story of Job and how he responded wrongly and rightly and God’s response to him.
3. Memorize verses that will remind you of His faithfulness (some examples: Proverbs 3:5-7, Romans 8:28, Philippians 4:8)
4. With each stray thought and each time you are tempted to put your trust in something other than Him, fall to your knees and thank Him for the salvation you have been given and be reminded of how much He has given you.
Trust will never come natural but as we become more like Him it will become easier to rely on Him for all we need no matter what the circumstance. May we always remember that He is in control and may we choose to trust!
Abraham is noted in Hebrews 11 as a man of faith, in fact in the “hall of faith” as many like to deem it, he one of the first names mentioned. Although his life was marked with adversity and times of disobedience as a whole this man lived a life that was radically different from those who were not God’s kids, and a mark of that was his faith exhibited through trust. In Genesis 22 we read the Sunday school story of Abraham and Isaac. I remember reading it often when I was a little girl and never understanding why Abraham went along and did what God commanded. As I got older I began to realize just what a test and what amount of faith had to be exhibited because of it, and then I began to realize more than ever why His name belonged in that list. Let’s take a look at the story…
“Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about. Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you." Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?"
"Yes, my son?" Abraham replied.
"The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?" Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went on together.” (Genesis 22:3-8)
Although this passage speaks to much more than the faith exhibited let’s focus only on that for the sake of our chapter. As Abraham willingly took his most prized possession to be slaughtered he was already trusting God. He explains to the servants that “we” will return…believing that God Himself will provide another means, and provide He did. Talk about trust despite the circumstance! Did Abraham have the reasons why God was asking Him to be willing to give up his most prized earthly possession? No. Did Abraham know for sure that God would spare the child’s life? No. Did Abraham have from an earthly perspective every right to worry, fear, fret, doubt and question? Yes. But he CHOSE not to. Abraham chose to trust the faithful God who had proved himself time and time again throughout his life. When God provided a child to Sarah after many years of waiting He saw a testimony of God’s faithfulness. He had known what had happened with Noah and how God had proved faithful. Abraham had the ability in this situation to react in one of two ways. He could choose to rely on his own strength and not trust because of the confusion that he faced but instead he reacted righteously and chose to trust.
From the moment a child is born there is an innate trust that comes to the one who had that child. Each baby can identify their mother’s voice, their mother’s touch, and everything about her. There is a bond that seems unbreakable…ask any mother and they can explain. There is an assurance this child has that he or she is hers and has nothing to fear. Much like a child has this relationship with a mother, we too as daughter’s of the King have this relationship with our heavenly Father. From the moment of salvation, when we repented and put our faith in Him, we have this innate trust that seems all too unreal…in fact those who are not one of His may often even raise question and concern in this area. I remember talking with someone once soon after a trial in my life and they couldn’t understand how I could lift my head up high with a smile on my face…I couldn’t explain that innate peace that I felt within my soul but I could explain where it came from and that without Him I wouldn’t be able to even take my next breath.
Trust is not something that comes naturally to humanity when things don’t go our way. Fear, worry, anxiety, and doubt are common emotions and feelings that seem to drown our hearts often. We can all look back on situations in our lives when we have wanted so badly to trust in the Lord and that promises like Romans 8:28 (He works all things together for good for those who love Him) but just couldn’t do it. We have all had days when we have cried out to the lord and pleaded for His help much like David did throughout the Psalms and much like David wondered why we haven’t heard an answer yet.
One of the greatest books I have ever read was by a biblical counselor named Jerry Bridges. The book, Trusting God (which I highly recommend), is one that taught me something that I had never understood. I always thought that trust was something that should come naturally to the Christian, that there shouldn’t be any effort that should have to be put forth but rather that somehow I would just trust as an effect of my salvation. Then I read this quote, “Trust is not a passive state of mind. It is a vigorous act of the soul by which we lay hold on the promises of God and cling to them despite the adversity that at times seeks to overwhelm us”. I remember reading that and realizing that the reason that I often didn’t trust the good God I served was because I wasn’t choosing to, in fact often times I was choosing rather to trust my own emotions and feelings rather than what I knew to be true (that God was in control and working actively in my life).
What did choosing to trust even look like? How did I do that in a tangible way? Philippians 4:8 became a life verse and ever-present reminder to “Think Truth”. The moment I discovered that I had to put the work in this whole trusting thing I began posting these words everywhere and the encouragement I began to find and the peace I begin to have was overwhelming. Bad circumstance after heartbreak occurred and despite the momentary sorrow I may have experienced I was somehow able to fight through by His strength and remember who He was, remember His faithfulness always in my life and all throughout history, and choose to trust even when I didn’t want to. The reward was a treasure only He could provide…unexplainable peace. Philippians 4:6-8 explains that when we come to God in prayer and petition that He provides us with a peace that transcends all understanding and that is the truth!
So what are some practical ways we can choose to trust God despite our circumstances, our emotions and our hurt? Here are some ideas:
1. Spend time reading the story of Rahab in Joshua 2 or David and Goliath in 1 Samuel 17 and reflect upon the trust that these children of God exhibited.
2. Spend time studying the story of Job and how he responded wrongly and rightly and God’s response to him.
3. Memorize verses that will remind you of His faithfulness (some examples: Proverbs 3:5-7, Romans 8:28, Philippians 4:8)
4. With each stray thought and each time you are tempted to put your trust in something other than Him, fall to your knees and thank Him for the salvation you have been given and be reminded of how much He has given you.
Trust will never come natural but as we become more like Him it will become easier to rely on Him for all we need no matter what the circumstance. May we always remember that He is in control and may we choose to trust!
Saturday, January 03, 2009
The Character Crisis
I was reading a sermon by John MacArthur the other day that explored this very dilemma. I began thinking about what he meant and what so many wise men in the past had meant when they made comments like, "Oh, young man, character is worth more than money, character is worth more than anything else in this wide world." (Moody),
"Character is always lost when a high ideal is sacrificed on the altar of conformity and popularity." (Spurgeon), "Character in a saint means the disposition of Jesus Christ persistently manifested." (Chambers). I began wondering why it was so important and what it even meant to have strong character, how you got it and how it is again manifested in your daily life...and what I began to see was quite encouraging.
Character encompasses many aspects of who one is; it is your morals, your values, your way of living and your portrayal of yourself to the world. It is your integrity, your 'above-reproachness' so to speak, and your character is tainted by one thing...sin. Romans 1:21-32 describes the spiral downward of a culture drowned in sinful passions and that is our culture today. What is worse, our cultural has now effected the body of believers. We look around and we see Christians living very much the same as the world. There seems to be little or no distinction between the two because the Christian has creeped so close to what he or she believes the "line" is. The question is now "how far can I go". Several decades ago we saw something drastically different. The role models, the ones in leadership and many in society (whether saved or not) were men and women of character...there was a standard. That standard has now been eliminated. Relativity is rampant and therefore you can do and say just about whatever you wish and that is considered acceptable. You are to "be who you want to be".
What does God have to say about all of this? What did God intend, even after the fall for His kids? " According to the Bible, God designed us to be men and women of exemplary character. He repeatedly commands us to pursue what is virtuous and shun what is evil. From cover to cover in Scripture, iniquity is condemned and virtue is exalted." (MacArthur). Exemplary character? That seems to hard to achieve...but what is our standard? Holiness.
1 Thessalonians 5:21-22 "Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil."
That means that we are to test everything. We are to evaluate everything we take part in, everything we say and everything we consider doing to see if it meets the standard of holiness and being above reproach in the eyes of good. It is pretty clear here that we are to avoid EVERY kind of evil. That doesn't just mean blatant sin, that means anything that could even appear as sin or lead you to that. That means we watch what we watch, what we say, who we hang out with etc. There can be no compromise!
Obviously culture is not helping us develop this character that Christ has demanded of us, but the Bible is chalk full of qualities that the Christian should develop...lets look at just a few:
2 Peter 1:5-8 "For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."
Goodness:uprightness of heart and life, goodness, kindness
That means that we are living a life that is upright, above reproach in all areas, it is good. Can God look at your life and say well done my good and faithful servant?
Knowledge: moral wisdom, such as is seen in right living
Are we wise morally? Do we think before we act and speak or do we do what we want? Are we living rightly?
Self-Control: controlling desires
Do we control our flesh? Can we say no to temptation and sin or do we easily give in when times are tough or when we really want something?
Perseverance:persistent determination
Are we determined to finish this race strong? To we press on no matter what and throw off everything that hinders us?
Godliness: reverence, respect towards God
Are we a good reflection of Him?
Kindness:love of brothers and sisters
Do we love the Body of believers? Are we spending time investing in them?
Love: Do we love self-sacrificially? Do we love wanting nothing in return? Do we love those whom are easy to love and those whom are hard?
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 " Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Patient:Are we patient? Or do we get anxious and tend to not spend time in prayer and wait on the Lord.
Doesn't Envy: Do we covet? Do we envy those around us for what they have or who they are?
Doesn't Boast:Are we prideful? Cocky? Think we have it all together?
Not Rude:Are we inconsiderate, demeaning or discouraging?
Not Self-Seeking:Do we seek our own agenda deep down? Do what we want until we get it?
Not Easily Angered:Do we get angered easily when things don't go our way?
Forgives:Do we forgive unconditionally like Christ did us?
Rejoices in the Truth (not evil):Are we truth bearers? Or do we compromise to get the approval of people or to make ourselves look better?
Protects:Do we protect those who love in the sense of from the enemy directing them rather towards the Lord?
Trusts:Do we trust the Lord?
Hopes:Where is our hope found?
Matthew 5 and Galatians 5 are other great resources to find great character qualities.
So the truth is character comes with maturity in the Lord, John MacArthur said it perfectly, " Truly excellent character is actually a reflection of the moral nature of God Himself. For that reason, all virtues are interdependent and closely related. And all of them are the fruit of God’s grace. As you study biblical virtue, may you perceive the true beauty of Christ’s character and desire to see it reproduced in your own life."
"Character is always lost when a high ideal is sacrificed on the altar of conformity and popularity." (Spurgeon), "Character in a saint means the disposition of Jesus Christ persistently manifested." (Chambers). I began wondering why it was so important and what it even meant to have strong character, how you got it and how it is again manifested in your daily life...and what I began to see was quite encouraging.
Character encompasses many aspects of who one is; it is your morals, your values, your way of living and your portrayal of yourself to the world. It is your integrity, your 'above-reproachness' so to speak, and your character is tainted by one thing...sin. Romans 1:21-32 describes the spiral downward of a culture drowned in sinful passions and that is our culture today. What is worse, our cultural has now effected the body of believers. We look around and we see Christians living very much the same as the world. There seems to be little or no distinction between the two because the Christian has creeped so close to what he or she believes the "line" is. The question is now "how far can I go". Several decades ago we saw something drastically different. The role models, the ones in leadership and many in society (whether saved or not) were men and women of character...there was a standard. That standard has now been eliminated. Relativity is rampant and therefore you can do and say just about whatever you wish and that is considered acceptable. You are to "be who you want to be".
What does God have to say about all of this? What did God intend, even after the fall for His kids? " According to the Bible, God designed us to be men and women of exemplary character. He repeatedly commands us to pursue what is virtuous and shun what is evil. From cover to cover in Scripture, iniquity is condemned and virtue is exalted." (MacArthur). Exemplary character? That seems to hard to achieve...but what is our standard? Holiness.
1 Thessalonians 5:21-22 "Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil."
That means that we are to test everything. We are to evaluate everything we take part in, everything we say and everything we consider doing to see if it meets the standard of holiness and being above reproach in the eyes of good. It is pretty clear here that we are to avoid EVERY kind of evil. That doesn't just mean blatant sin, that means anything that could even appear as sin or lead you to that. That means we watch what we watch, what we say, who we hang out with etc. There can be no compromise!
Obviously culture is not helping us develop this character that Christ has demanded of us, but the Bible is chalk full of qualities that the Christian should develop...lets look at just a few:
2 Peter 1:5-8 "For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."
Goodness:uprightness of heart and life, goodness, kindness
That means that we are living a life that is upright, above reproach in all areas, it is good. Can God look at your life and say well done my good and faithful servant?
Knowledge: moral wisdom, such as is seen in right living
Are we wise morally? Do we think before we act and speak or do we do what we want? Are we living rightly?
Self-Control: controlling desires
Do we control our flesh? Can we say no to temptation and sin or do we easily give in when times are tough or when we really want something?
Perseverance:persistent determination
Are we determined to finish this race strong? To we press on no matter what and throw off everything that hinders us?
Godliness: reverence, respect towards God
Are we a good reflection of Him?
Kindness:love of brothers and sisters
Do we love the Body of believers? Are we spending time investing in them?
Love: Do we love self-sacrificially? Do we love wanting nothing in return? Do we love those whom are easy to love and those whom are hard?
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 " Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Patient:Are we patient? Or do we get anxious and tend to not spend time in prayer and wait on the Lord.
Doesn't Envy: Do we covet? Do we envy those around us for what they have or who they are?
Doesn't Boast:Are we prideful? Cocky? Think we have it all together?
Not Rude:Are we inconsiderate, demeaning or discouraging?
Not Self-Seeking:Do we seek our own agenda deep down? Do what we want until we get it?
Not Easily Angered:Do we get angered easily when things don't go our way?
Forgives:Do we forgive unconditionally like Christ did us?
Rejoices in the Truth (not evil):Are we truth bearers? Or do we compromise to get the approval of people or to make ourselves look better?
Protects:Do we protect those who love in the sense of from the enemy directing them rather towards the Lord?
Trusts:Do we trust the Lord?
Hopes:Where is our hope found?
Matthew 5 and Galatians 5 are other great resources to find great character qualities.
So the truth is character comes with maturity in the Lord, John MacArthur said it perfectly, " Truly excellent character is actually a reflection of the moral nature of God Himself. For that reason, all virtues are interdependent and closely related. And all of them are the fruit of God’s grace. As you study biblical virtue, may you perceive the true beauty of Christ’s character and desire to see it reproduced in your own life."
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