Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris PART ONE
There is no point in getting in an argument about the difference between "dating" and "courtship" or which one you find more appropriate etc. What is more important is getting to the heart of the matter...understanding romance from the perspective of the Creator of it. Getting romance right from Jesus' perspective is seeing God's glory as the ultimate purpose/goal of EVERY relationship (marriage, friendship, parent to child etc.). Jesus may have never taught a sermon on "dating" so to speak but He did teach about the right way to do relationships. When asked about what was the most important commandment Jesus responds in Mark 12:29-33 like this "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'There is no commandment greater than these"Well said, teacher," the man replied. "You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."
"Jesus is saying that what really matters in life is to love God with every fiber of our being--heart, soul, mind and strength--and to let that love spill over into the way we treat our fellow man. He's telling us that if we want to get life right we need to make it about God's glory." Paul said it great in 1 Cor 10:31, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." So what essentials should we possess in every relationship?
1. Joyful Obedience to God's Word
2. Selfless Desire to do What is Best for the Other Person
3. Humble Embrace of Community
4. A Commitment to Guard the Sacredness of Sex
5. A Deep Satisfaction in God
"Romance is a very good thing. But just because it is good doesn't mean that we can enjoy it whenever and however we please. Like all other good gifts God made , romantic love can be misused. Song of Solomon is filled ith reminders not to remove that passion from the boundaries of God's timing and purpose (8:4). Matching romance with wisdom doesn't necessarily mean that you do the opposite of what you want. What it does mean is that you learn to do what's best. When we guide romance with wisdom, we have skillful romance--romance that is directed by what is true about God and about the world He has made. So here are three helpful tips on combining the two...
1. Romance says, "I want it now!" Wisdom urges patience- Proverbs 19:11 says, "A man's wisdom gives him patience." Wisdom calls us to slow down. We can be patient because we know that God is sovereign and that He is faithful. Patience is an expression of the trust that God is the Master planner. Don't let impatience lead you to rush. Take your time. Enjoy here God has the two of you right now. Savor each moment, don't settle for less.
2. Romance says, "Let feelings decide what happens." Wisdom leads us to pursue a purposeful relationship- The way of sin it to try to separate feelings from commitment. In Proverbs, foolishness is portrayed as a wicked seductress who lures her victim with the offer of romantic and sexual pleasure devoid of responsibility. So what is courtship? Dating with a purpose. It's friendship plus possiblity. It's romance chaperoned by wisdom. IT's not without risk; it is simply a way to be careful with the other person's heart while opening up your lives together to God's joyful best.
3. Romance says, "Enjoy the fantasy." Wisdom calls us to bas our emotions and perceptions in reality.- Prov 19:2 says "It is not good to have zeal without knowledge nor to be hasty and miss the way." In a relationship, if our values are godly and our perception of what we value is accurate, our emotions will be appropriate and healthy. But if either is out of sync with the truth, our emotions will be inappropriate and unhealthy. Our goal should be to be properly excited about what is really important. The skillful romance doesn't disdain or rule out emotions and passion. But it does call us to make sure that these feelings are flowing from reality, not rationalization. We want the TRUE character of someone to win our heart. We want our emotions to respond to who they really are and to the true status of the relationship.
The problems we see in relationships today---the impatience, the lack of purpose, and the misguided emotions--are expressions of foolishness. We need wisdom. Wisdom complements romance."
There is a story of a guy who talked to his parents and pastor and the Lord about whether he was ready for marriage. He wrote down these questions:
1. Am I prepared to lead my wife spiritually and serve her in EVERY way?
2. Do I have proven character in all areas and am I growing in godliness?
3. To whom and for whom am I accountable?
4. How am I involved in my local church? What are my gift areas? What are hers?
5. Are my motives for pursuing marriage selfish and worldly or do they honor God?
6. Can I provide financially now?
7. What do my pastors and parents have to say?
John Calvin once said, "The evil in our desire typically does not lie in what we want, but in that we want it too much."
"We need to remember that God is interested in the journey and not just the destination. God is in no rush. He wants to use this process, all the questions and uncertainties it involves to refine us , sanctify us, and increase our faith. Make sure you don't overspiritualize decision making. God uses very practical means. God knows all things. He knows whom we'll marry before we meet him or her. But that doesn't mean our task is to discover what He already knows or to worry that we might miss His perfect plan. Our responsibility is to love Him, study His Word, deepen our relationship with Him, serve Him, and learn to evaluate our choices in light of biblical wisdom. Do we sin, fail and messup? Yes, but God works through our choices and actions---even our missteps--to accomplish His best in our lives. And remember that often times our romanticized ideal of what we want in a spouse is often different from what God says matters. We need to make sure that we don't let our own romanticized and foolish notions lead us into marrying a person who lacks Godly character.
Perhaps after all our worries and questions, we'll discover that all along God had the right thing at the right time for us. Perhaps His plan is more wonderful than anything we could create by ourselves--perhaps we should entrust our questions of how? and who? and when? into His tender care." After all...He gets it right every time!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
"After all...He gets it right every time!"
Omgoodness this is so true! I think we all tend to want a relationship in our own control. We try to "fix" the person flaws, we ignore undesirable qualitys, and we often (as girls) let our emotions overtake us, which may lead to us being distracted from our true love, Jesus Christ. All the while we are depending on ourselves to make the relationship work or continue to grow. But that quote summed it up...Christ knows exactly who is best for us. He has our whole lives planned out already and (well for me) I need to put into practice what I already know to do, and humbly submit to His control in my life, which includes future relationship God willing of coarse :)
Post a Comment