True Love Doesn't Just Wait- Dating Part 5

The idea that "true love waits" has filled the most recent generations of young Christian teens and adults. But what if it is more than that...what does it even mean?

Joshua Harris- Boy Meets Girl

Ephesians 5:3 "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people."

"It is because of clear commands like this and the reality of our God-given sexual appetites that we face "hammock" moments--moments when we must choose between what our bodies crave and what we know our Lord has instructed. The temptation may be as seemingly innocent as deciding when to kiss, or as serious as choosing when to sleep together. Whatever it is, the internal struggle is the same. The question boils down to whom yo will believe? Will you heed the clear commands of Scripture and the nudging of the Spirit or will the voice of compromise that's offering immediate pleasure? What's really going to make you happy?

We all know how we are supposed to answer, but when our desires kick in, doing what's right isn't easy. In the heat of passion, we need more than just knowledge about sexual purity. To stand firm against sin, we can't simply intellectually agree with the merits of chastity. We must be captivated by the beauty and greater pleasure of God's way. This involves agreeing with God about the goodness of pure sex within marriage, refusing the counterfeits offered by the world, and fearing the consequences of illicit sex. Being captivated by God's way won't happen by accident, it will take work before marriage. True love doesn't just wait, it plans.

To plan ahead for a great sex life, we have to realize that the message of Scripture is not for us to disdain sex, but to love God's original design so much that we see the worlds perversion as revolting. We can either be captives of righteousness or captives of sin. Look into the eyes of Jesus Christ. He's the only one who knows the depth of God's unmitigated wrath against sexual sin--He bore it all when He hung on the cross, cursed and forsaken by the Father.

We need to realize that God is serious about punishing sin. "God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral" (Hebrews 13:4). God doesn't excuse sin because of how good we think we are or how good we think we have been in the past. Look at David's example with Bathsheba (2 Sam 11). God doesn't overlook our sin because it is not as bad as someone elses. God doesn't excuse our sin because we are "in love" and nobody else is getting hurt.

Why does God ask single Christians to face the daily struggle of controlling their sexual appetites until marriage? He is committed to great sex. God made sex good and He also increases its enjoyment be reserving it for marriage. If we didn't have to wait for it, there'd be no anticipation, no build up, no excitement. There's another reason the struggle of waiting for marriage is a blessing. God not only wants to maximize a couple's enjoyment of sex inside marriage, but He also wants them to learn to trust Him together. When a Christian man and woman systematically work together to deny their own physical desires as an expression of mutual faith and submission to Jesus, they are laying a solid spiritual foundation for their marriage. They are learning to fight sin as a team. They are learning to pray for each other, care for each other and challenge each other. They are submitting to Jesus Christ as the Lord of their relationship.

We need a clear game plan that will align our heart and actions with God's plan. The motive for our self control should be God's glory. During courtship, guarding each other's purity and refraining from sexual intimacy are acts of lovemaking. A Christian man and woman have to agree that sexual intimacy before marriage is unloving. Before marriage, true love is expressed through guarding and refraining. Remember lust is never satisfied. Lust likes to tell us that we will be satisfied if we we just give in and we won't unless we do. Do not delight in sin and give in, once you do you will never be satisfied.

It is tempting during courtship and especially engagement to begin to fantasize abot love making with your future spouse. Be careful and joyful, God centered anticipation doesn't turn into lust. Even though it's not easy, you still need to guard your heart. It is never right to fantasize about sexual immorality and it is very easy to go from imagining the wedding night to sinful fantasy.

The reality of indwelling sin and the deceit of lust is why fighting and avoiding sexual sin requires a game plan. Specific guidelines for your physical relationship can NEVER replace humble reliance on the Holy Spirit--but they can reinforce your biblical convictions. Every couple needs to search Scripture and come up with their own specific guidelines. These should never become a replacement for prayer and constant reliance on the Spirit but should be seen as an expression of a sincere desire to please and obey God. A vague definition of righteousness quickly leads to compromise. We can't start by making our guidelines. Our heart's desire has to be a desire to honor God with our hearts and bodies and to serve others. Only the Holy Spirit can work in us to change us, but an important part of receiving and applying God's grace in our lives is establishing behavior that flees from temptation and says no to sin. This involves establishing guidelines--rules--that help us. These rules aren't our hope, they don't earn us God's love, and they are our starting point; but they can help s put our convictions into action.

I encourage you to make as many parts of your physical relationship as you can precious and treasured parts of marriage. True love plans. Do you really care for each other? Then spend your courtship storing up passion and planning for thrilling and God-glorifying sex. The most important thing you can do during this time is to think biblically about sex, to love God's plan and to battle the lust and impatience in you that will try to destroy it. The effort will be more than worth it. Each time yo feel as though you are denying yourselves, you're actually blessing yourselves. Each time you walk away from temptation and refuse to stoke the fires of passion prematurely, you're sending yourselves the best gifts you'll receive on the day of your wedding--gifts of trust and respect and increased passion and oh how God will be glorified.