I recently began reading Jerry Bridge's book, The Practice of Godliness. Since the start I have not only been very encouraged but also very convicted by the biblical Truth of godliness and what it means to live a life marked by that. The next few blogs I write are going to encompass the idea in hopes that you too will be motivated to PRACTICE Godliness in your own lives as you follow Him.
What do you want to be known for? Do you want to be known as a Christian? Maybe someone who served a lot? Someone who had a lot of biblical knowledge? A pastor? A worship leader? A sunday school teacher? Or do you want to be known like Enoch as someone who walked with God? Do you want to have the label of godliness?
We must first realize as Christians that our concept of who God is and our relationship with Him directly affects our conduct...how we live. That devotion, as Bridges puts it, "consists of three essential elements: the fear of God, the love of God, and the desire for God". When somebody, even a Christian, hears the words fear of God they are quick to misinterpret the meaning. In the Bible we find this word used two different ways: that of anxious dread and that of veneration, reverence and awe. The fear coupled with anxious dread is the realization of God's impending judgment on sin. This fear should characterize every unsaved person who lives as an object of God's wrath. The Christian however has been delivered from this wrath (1 John 4:18, but the Christian has not been delivered from His discipline. Therefore the Christian still lives a life that fears God, he works out his salvation with fear and trembling (Phil 2:12). The primary fear for the Christian encompasses the second type of fear however. Like the angelic beings in Isaiah 6 demonstrate as they use their wings to cover their faces in the presence of the exalted Lord. "The reverent Godly Christian sees God first in His transcendent glory, majesty and holiness before he sees Him in His love, mercy and grace. There is a healthy tension that exists in the godly person's heart between reverential awe of God in His glory and the childlike confidence in God as heavenly Father." On a side note in regards to this is our flippant familiarity with the way we address God in prayer. We need to remember that there is an infinite gap between our worth and His and exalt Him to His rightful place. When we address Him we must remember that as Paul said, although He is our "Abba Father" He also dwells in "unapproachable light".
Albert Martin said the essential ingredients of the fear of God are; 1. correct concepts of God's character 2. pervasive sense of the presence of God 3. a constant awareness of our obligation to God. So, "if we have some comprehension of God's infinite holiness and His hatred of sin, coupled with this pervasive sense of God's presence in all of our actions and even our thoughts, then such a fear of God must influence and regulate our conduct. Just as obedience to the Lord is an indication of our love of Him, so is it also a proof of our fear of God (Deut 6:2)."
Only God-fearing Christians can understand true love, and God's ultimate love. "He/She sees the infinite gulf between a holy God and a sinful creature, and the love that bridged that gulf through the death of the Lord Jesus Christ." A truly Godly person will never forget that at one point he or she was an object of the wrath of God. They will never forget that the true love of God can never be separated from Calvary. We must be gripped by the fact that God loved us as an individual. Paul continually grew in the knowledge of God's love and as He did He realized more and more what a sinner he was. "He compares himself with God's standard and consequently sees himself as the worst of sinners. The more he grows in his knowledge of God's perfect will, the more he sees his own sinfulness and the more he comprehends God's love in sending Christ to die for him." This love that he has for us should stimulate us to increase our devotion to him, an active devotion not a feeling. When Paul wrote in Corinthians 5:14-15 saying that Christ's love "compels" us to live goldy he was talking about the verb meaning "to press in on all sides and impel or force a certain course of action". This is the force God's love should have on us!
"True godliness engages our affections and awakens within us a desire to enjoy God's presence and fellowship." David in the Psalms expresses many times his deep desire and longing for God. "As he contemplates God in the awesomeness of His infinite majesty, power and holiness and then as he dwells upon the riches of His mercy and grace poured out at Calvary, his heart is captivated by this One who could love him so. He is satisfied with God alone, but he is never satisfied with his present experience with God. He always yearns for more." God desires that we come to know Him and yearn to know Him more, and this desire will create a strong desire to glorify Him as well...they go hand in hand.
"...train yourself to be Godly." (1 Timothy 4:7). Do you realize that the Bible is calling us to train/discipline ourselves to be Godly? There are principles for this training however that we can learn from:
1. Personal Responsibility- Paul said "train yourself". That means that we are personally responsible for our progress in godliness. Meaning that we are not merely to trust the Lord for that progress and the relax. Paul did know that that strength to train and that growth was only through divine enablement. We are lazy. We would much rather pray for God to make us Godly then to train and fulfill our personal responsibility.
2. The Object of this training was growth- Growth in our personal spiritual life is the goal. No matter who you are or how far along you have come on the Christian walk, you are called to grow in the areas of godliness: fear of the Lord, comprehension of his love, and the desire for the presence and fellowship of God.
3. Minimum Characteristics needed for training
a. Commitment- "No one ever becomes godly without a commitment to pay the prace of the daily spiritual training God has designed for our growth in godliness. (Jeremiah 29:13- "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." There is a price to godliness.
b. A competent teacher- We must continually be exposing ourself to the teaching of the Word of God. "This truth is to be found only in the Bible, but it is not just academic knowledge of Bible facts it is spiritual knowledge taught by the Holy Spirit as He applies the truth of God to our hearts...only the Holy Spirit applies this type of knowledge".
c. Practice- We must practice and practice more...the fear of God, for example if we are to grow in devotion that we need to seek to understand His character and the concepts of it, practicing His presence and remembering our responsibility to Him. "It is practical, down- to earth and even a bit grubby at times as the Holy Spirit works on us, but it is always rewarding as we see the Spirit transforming us more and more into godly people."
d. USE THE WORD OF GOD
1. Hearing- none of us become so spiritually self-sufficient that we don't need to hear the Word taught by others...we need to listen and apply.
2. Reading the Word- We have the chance to learn directly from the Master. We have the opportunity to gain an overall perspective of the entire Bible. "Without a reading program of the entire Bible, we would not only be spiritually ignorant but also spirtually impoverished".
3. Studying the Scripture- Reading gives us the breadth but studying gives us the depth. "Every Christian should be a student of the Bible". Proverbs 2:1-5 gives us some principles of Bible study: Teachability- accept my words, Intent to obey- store up my commands, Mental discipline- apply to your heart, Prayerful Dependence- call out, Diligent perseverance- search for hidden treasure. You always find time for what is important to you. Is studying His Word to become godly important to you?
4. Memorization- Psalm 119:1 "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." "Storing up God's word in your heart against a time of future need, a time when we would encounter temptation and we will be kept from that by the Word."
5. Meditation- Memorizing is the first step of meditation, but meditation opens our understanding, engages our affections and addresses our wills.
"You and I are responsible to train ourselves. We are dependent upon God for His divine enablement, but we are responsible, we are not passive in this process."
In Scripture, an unbeliever is identified as "ungodly". "At the time of our salvation God through the Holy Spirit deals with this godless spirit within us. He gives us a new heart and moves us to obey Him. He givees us a singleness of heart and inspires us to fear Him, and He pours out His love into our hearts so that we begin to comprehend His love for us." We need to depend and vitally on the Spirit for this growth in godliness. We need to get serious. We need to pray for this growth, showing our dependence. If we really want godliness and are committed to it, our prayer life is going to reflect that. We need to meditate on who God is, that the Holy Spirit will make His Word come alive in our hearts. We must worship God meaning privately, by ascribing to God the glory, majesty, honor and worthiness due His name. We must daily spend time with Him in prayer and study of His Word.
And there is one more area, the ultimate test, "I can know if I truly fear God by determining if I have a genuine hatred of evil and an earnest desire to obey His commands. The measure of our obedience is a direct measure of our reverence of Him."
And remember "WE ARE SEEKING TO GROW IN OUR DEVOTION TO THE MOST WONDERFUL PERSON IN ALL THE UNIVERSE, THE INFINITELY GLORIOUS AND LOVING GOD. NOTHING CAN COMPARE WITH THE PRIVILEGE OF KNOWING HIM IN WHOSE PRESENCE IS FULLNESS OF JOY AND IN WHOSE HAND THERE ARE PLEASURES FOREVER MORE!"
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Get the Right Perspective!
Recently I was driving in the car and heard the chorus to a new song say the following line, "There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face...". I couldn't help but smile when I was reminded instantaneously of the Truth of those words, and then I quickly was reminded how often my perspective is so wrong when it comes to eternity.
A few weeks ago I was talking with a high school student about the future and the soon to come return of Jesus. Although I could see the joy in her eyes, there seemed to be much hesitancy as well; the hesitancy was not stemming from a lack of confidence in the hope she had but rather because of what she had yet to "experience" in this life and the thought of "missing out". Isn't that the truth though? It seems as though the older one gets the more one longs for heaven but in those in-between years (high school-young adulthood) there is this almost tug of war within our hearts as to what we desire for the here and now and the soon coming future. Whether it be college for a high school student or marriage for someone in college or maybe even a career or the freedom of adulthood that somebody wants, there is something that is temporal that seems to choke our desire for eternity, that beckons us to hold onto this world while we pursue Christ.
The question I came upon during this conversation and what was echoed in my heart once again during that song was what is my perspective on Christ's imminent return? Am I as overjoyed and excited as Paul was, can I honestly say that each morning I wake up I am begging Maranatha!? Truth be told, that hadn't always been the case. The reality of what is to come had not been the ever present hope of my heart; it was instead something that I looked forward to only in times of despair and desperation rather than always. My perspective was skewed, and something had to change! I began to pray that God would radically change my perspective and as I did I began searching the Truth to find out where I had missed out. I realized three key things that I had set aside that I had to realize in order to fix my perspective.
1. REMEMBER MY SALVATION- If you are one of His you realize the weight of what that means. You realize the price that had to be paid so that you too could spend an eternity with Him. You have begun to understand, only touched the tip in fact, the gravity of it all. Isaiah 53:5 says,
"But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed."
Stop for a moment and think about that. Think about what it cost God for you to spend eternity with Him. Think about what you get for absolutely nothing. You did nothing to earn this precious gift and yet we are promised every blessing in the spiritual places. As I began thinking about this once again I was brought to the stark realization that I fail to remember my salvation and all that it entails.
2. TEMPORAL VERSES ETERNAL- Sometimes I think we think of ourselves as indestructible, or that we will live forever...well I mean live forever here on earth. Because the idea of death no longer frightens the Christian the thought of it never really crosses our mind, especially for us younger ones. Our desires quickly become temporal rather than eternal. We begin wanting things of this world (many of which are not necessarily bad things) without remembering that the Lord is coming back and He is coming soon. Think about for a moment if Jesus were to return tomorrow what you would have left in heaven. What would you take with you? Would you take that husband or girlfriend? Would you take that college degree? Would you take that new car you got for your birthday? What about all your friends at school? Well, no...the only thing you will take with you are saved souls. Matthew 6:20 says, "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." What are we focusing on storing up? What are we working on in this life? Are we working on being vessles of Truth to the lost? Are we working on being tools God uses to save the souls? Or are we more concerned with the here and now and will worry about all that when we get older? I was so convicted when I realized that often the things I pursue from day to day or that I even desire in the future are merely temporal and that my perspective had to change, I had to desire the eternal more than the temporal (I am not suggesting not desiring to be married, get an education etc....I am just suggesting that your focus and life's pursuit should never be consumed with that).
3. WHERE'S MY HOPE FOUND?- Our culture is full of people who want and need hope. For the Christian we fall into the category too...we long to be happy, content and satisfied in our daily lives. But what are we seeking to satisfy us? What do we hope in when everything around us is awry? What do we desire more than anything? Psalm 33:20 says, "We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield." Is that where our hope is found? Is our hope found in the Lord or is it found in some temporal thing like a relationship or a material object? We must hope in Him and Him alone because it is only Him who will never fail into eternity...all else will fade.
So as I thought about these three things: my salvation, focusing on the eternal and focusing on where my hope is found I got so excited about the Lord's return. I am more excited than every before! I realized I shouldn't care about fulfilling all the things I have not "experienced" because heaven, with our Lord, is better than anything in the entire world! Although I knew this truth and would say I believed it I realized that sometimes I didn't live it out by the actions I took or the desires I had in my own heart that I was pursuing.
Do you believe that being with Jesus, seeing Him face to face is better than anything else in this world? Do you really? How is that markedly reflected in the way you live your life? Are you pursuing meaningless things like Solomon spoke of? Are you hoping Jesus doesn't come back before you graduate high school...college...get married...have kids...get the job you have always wanted...move out on your own? Or are you pursuing the Lord and serving Him with your whole heart no matter what the cost? Are you pursuing a life that is devoted solely to Him and glorifies Him in all you do? Are you praying MARANATHA everyday? Are you hoping in some future event that you want to experience in your life? Or is your hope and joy found in the fact that Jesus is coming and coming soon and we are going to reign with Him? What is your perspective when it comes to the future? Lets get the right one! Let's focus on Him and Him alone and let everything else fade into the background. And remember what Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face...". I couldn't help but smile when I was reminded instantaneously of the Truth of those words, and then I quickly was reminded how often my perspective is so wrong when it comes to eternity.
A few weeks ago I was talking with a high school student about the future and the soon to come return of Jesus. Although I could see the joy in her eyes, there seemed to be much hesitancy as well; the hesitancy was not stemming from a lack of confidence in the hope she had but rather because of what she had yet to "experience" in this life and the thought of "missing out". Isn't that the truth though? It seems as though the older one gets the more one longs for heaven but in those in-between years (high school-young adulthood) there is this almost tug of war within our hearts as to what we desire for the here and now and the soon coming future. Whether it be college for a high school student or marriage for someone in college or maybe even a career or the freedom of adulthood that somebody wants, there is something that is temporal that seems to choke our desire for eternity, that beckons us to hold onto this world while we pursue Christ.
The question I came upon during this conversation and what was echoed in my heart once again during that song was what is my perspective on Christ's imminent return? Am I as overjoyed and excited as Paul was, can I honestly say that each morning I wake up I am begging Maranatha!? Truth be told, that hadn't always been the case. The reality of what is to come had not been the ever present hope of my heart; it was instead something that I looked forward to only in times of despair and desperation rather than always. My perspective was skewed, and something had to change! I began to pray that God would radically change my perspective and as I did I began searching the Truth to find out where I had missed out. I realized three key things that I had set aside that I had to realize in order to fix my perspective.
1. REMEMBER MY SALVATION- If you are one of His you realize the weight of what that means. You realize the price that had to be paid so that you too could spend an eternity with Him. You have begun to understand, only touched the tip in fact, the gravity of it all. Isaiah 53:5 says,
"But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed."
Stop for a moment and think about that. Think about what it cost God for you to spend eternity with Him. Think about what you get for absolutely nothing. You did nothing to earn this precious gift and yet we are promised every blessing in the spiritual places. As I began thinking about this once again I was brought to the stark realization that I fail to remember my salvation and all that it entails.
2. TEMPORAL VERSES ETERNAL- Sometimes I think we think of ourselves as indestructible, or that we will live forever...well I mean live forever here on earth. Because the idea of death no longer frightens the Christian the thought of it never really crosses our mind, especially for us younger ones. Our desires quickly become temporal rather than eternal. We begin wanting things of this world (many of which are not necessarily bad things) without remembering that the Lord is coming back and He is coming soon. Think about for a moment if Jesus were to return tomorrow what you would have left in heaven. What would you take with you? Would you take that husband or girlfriend? Would you take that college degree? Would you take that new car you got for your birthday? What about all your friends at school? Well, no...the only thing you will take with you are saved souls. Matthew 6:20 says, "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." What are we focusing on storing up? What are we working on in this life? Are we working on being vessles of Truth to the lost? Are we working on being tools God uses to save the souls? Or are we more concerned with the here and now and will worry about all that when we get older? I was so convicted when I realized that often the things I pursue from day to day or that I even desire in the future are merely temporal and that my perspective had to change, I had to desire the eternal more than the temporal (I am not suggesting not desiring to be married, get an education etc....I am just suggesting that your focus and life's pursuit should never be consumed with that).
3. WHERE'S MY HOPE FOUND?- Our culture is full of people who want and need hope. For the Christian we fall into the category too...we long to be happy, content and satisfied in our daily lives. But what are we seeking to satisfy us? What do we hope in when everything around us is awry? What do we desire more than anything? Psalm 33:20 says, "We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield." Is that where our hope is found? Is our hope found in the Lord or is it found in some temporal thing like a relationship or a material object? We must hope in Him and Him alone because it is only Him who will never fail into eternity...all else will fade.
So as I thought about these three things: my salvation, focusing on the eternal and focusing on where my hope is found I got so excited about the Lord's return. I am more excited than every before! I realized I shouldn't care about fulfilling all the things I have not "experienced" because heaven, with our Lord, is better than anything in the entire world! Although I knew this truth and would say I believed it I realized that sometimes I didn't live it out by the actions I took or the desires I had in my own heart that I was pursuing.
Do you believe that being with Jesus, seeing Him face to face is better than anything else in this world? Do you really? How is that markedly reflected in the way you live your life? Are you pursuing meaningless things like Solomon spoke of? Are you hoping Jesus doesn't come back before you graduate high school...college...get married...have kids...get the job you have always wanted...move out on your own? Or are you pursuing the Lord and serving Him with your whole heart no matter what the cost? Are you pursuing a life that is devoted solely to Him and glorifies Him in all you do? Are you praying MARANATHA everyday? Are you hoping in some future event that you want to experience in your life? Or is your hope and joy found in the fact that Jesus is coming and coming soon and we are going to reign with Him? What is your perspective when it comes to the future? Lets get the right one! Let's focus on Him and Him alone and let everything else fade into the background. And remember what Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
True Love Doesn't Just Wait- Dating Part 5
The idea that "true love waits" has filled the most recent generations of young Christian teens and adults. But what if it is more than that...what does it even mean?
Joshua Harris- Boy Meets Girl
Ephesians 5:3 "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people."
"It is because of clear commands like this and the reality of our God-given sexual appetites that we face "hammock" moments--moments when we must choose between what our bodies crave and what we know our Lord has instructed. The temptation may be as seemingly innocent as deciding when to kiss, or as serious as choosing when to sleep together. Whatever it is, the internal struggle is the same. The question boils down to whom yo will believe? Will you heed the clear commands of Scripture and the nudging of the Spirit or will the voice of compromise that's offering immediate pleasure? What's really going to make you happy?
We all know how we are supposed to answer, but when our desires kick in, doing what's right isn't easy. In the heat of passion, we need more than just knowledge about sexual purity. To stand firm against sin, we can't simply intellectually agree with the merits of chastity. We must be captivated by the beauty and greater pleasure of God's way. This involves agreeing with God about the goodness of pure sex within marriage, refusing the counterfeits offered by the world, and fearing the consequences of illicit sex. Being captivated by God's way won't happen by accident, it will take work before marriage. True love doesn't just wait, it plans.
To plan ahead for a great sex life, we have to realize that the message of Scripture is not for us to disdain sex, but to love God's original design so much that we see the worlds perversion as revolting. We can either be captives of righteousness or captives of sin. Look into the eyes of Jesus Christ. He's the only one who knows the depth of God's unmitigated wrath against sexual sin--He bore it all when He hung on the cross, cursed and forsaken by the Father.
We need to realize that God is serious about punishing sin. "God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral" (Hebrews 13:4). God doesn't excuse sin because of how good we think we are or how good we think we have been in the past. Look at David's example with Bathsheba (2 Sam 11). God doesn't overlook our sin because it is not as bad as someone elses. God doesn't excuse our sin because we are "in love" and nobody else is getting hurt.
Why does God ask single Christians to face the daily struggle of controlling their sexual appetites until marriage? He is committed to great sex. God made sex good and He also increases its enjoyment be reserving it for marriage. If we didn't have to wait for it, there'd be no anticipation, no build up, no excitement. There's another reason the struggle of waiting for marriage is a blessing. God not only wants to maximize a couple's enjoyment of sex inside marriage, but He also wants them to learn to trust Him together. When a Christian man and woman systematically work together to deny their own physical desires as an expression of mutual faith and submission to Jesus, they are laying a solid spiritual foundation for their marriage. They are learning to fight sin as a team. They are learning to pray for each other, care for each other and challenge each other. They are submitting to Jesus Christ as the Lord of their relationship.
We need a clear game plan that will align our heart and actions with God's plan. The motive for our self control should be God's glory. During courtship, guarding each other's purity and refraining from sexual intimacy are acts of lovemaking. A Christian man and woman have to agree that sexual intimacy before marriage is unloving. Before marriage, true love is expressed through guarding and refraining. Remember lust is never satisfied. Lust likes to tell us that we will be satisfied if we we just give in and we won't unless we do. Do not delight in sin and give in, once you do you will never be satisfied.
It is tempting during courtship and especially engagement to begin to fantasize abot love making with your future spouse. Be careful and joyful, God centered anticipation doesn't turn into lust. Even though it's not easy, you still need to guard your heart. It is never right to fantasize about sexual immorality and it is very easy to go from imagining the wedding night to sinful fantasy.
The reality of indwelling sin and the deceit of lust is why fighting and avoiding sexual sin requires a game plan. Specific guidelines for your physical relationship can NEVER replace humble reliance on the Holy Spirit--but they can reinforce your biblical convictions. Every couple needs to search Scripture and come up with their own specific guidelines. These should never become a replacement for prayer and constant reliance on the Spirit but should be seen as an expression of a sincere desire to please and obey God. A vague definition of righteousness quickly leads to compromise. We can't start by making our guidelines. Our heart's desire has to be a desire to honor God with our hearts and bodies and to serve others. Only the Holy Spirit can work in us to change us, but an important part of receiving and applying God's grace in our lives is establishing behavior that flees from temptation and says no to sin. This involves establishing guidelines--rules--that help us. These rules aren't our hope, they don't earn us God's love, and they are our starting point; but they can help s put our convictions into action.
I encourage you to make as many parts of your physical relationship as you can precious and treasured parts of marriage. True love plans. Do you really care for each other? Then spend your courtship storing up passion and planning for thrilling and God-glorifying sex. The most important thing you can do during this time is to think biblically about sex, to love God's plan and to battle the lust and impatience in you that will try to destroy it. The effort will be more than worth it. Each time yo feel as though you are denying yourselves, you're actually blessing yourselves. Each time you walk away from temptation and refuse to stoke the fires of passion prematurely, you're sending yourselves the best gifts you'll receive on the day of your wedding--gifts of trust and respect and increased passion and oh how God will be glorified.
Joshua Harris- Boy Meets Girl
Ephesians 5:3 "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people."
"It is because of clear commands like this and the reality of our God-given sexual appetites that we face "hammock" moments--moments when we must choose between what our bodies crave and what we know our Lord has instructed. The temptation may be as seemingly innocent as deciding when to kiss, or as serious as choosing when to sleep together. Whatever it is, the internal struggle is the same. The question boils down to whom yo will believe? Will you heed the clear commands of Scripture and the nudging of the Spirit or will the voice of compromise that's offering immediate pleasure? What's really going to make you happy?
We all know how we are supposed to answer, but when our desires kick in, doing what's right isn't easy. In the heat of passion, we need more than just knowledge about sexual purity. To stand firm against sin, we can't simply intellectually agree with the merits of chastity. We must be captivated by the beauty and greater pleasure of God's way. This involves agreeing with God about the goodness of pure sex within marriage, refusing the counterfeits offered by the world, and fearing the consequences of illicit sex. Being captivated by God's way won't happen by accident, it will take work before marriage. True love doesn't just wait, it plans.
To plan ahead for a great sex life, we have to realize that the message of Scripture is not for us to disdain sex, but to love God's original design so much that we see the worlds perversion as revolting. We can either be captives of righteousness or captives of sin. Look into the eyes of Jesus Christ. He's the only one who knows the depth of God's unmitigated wrath against sexual sin--He bore it all when He hung on the cross, cursed and forsaken by the Father.
We need to realize that God is serious about punishing sin. "God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral" (Hebrews 13:4). God doesn't excuse sin because of how good we think we are or how good we think we have been in the past. Look at David's example with Bathsheba (2 Sam 11). God doesn't overlook our sin because it is not as bad as someone elses. God doesn't excuse our sin because we are "in love" and nobody else is getting hurt.
Why does God ask single Christians to face the daily struggle of controlling their sexual appetites until marriage? He is committed to great sex. God made sex good and He also increases its enjoyment be reserving it for marriage. If we didn't have to wait for it, there'd be no anticipation, no build up, no excitement. There's another reason the struggle of waiting for marriage is a blessing. God not only wants to maximize a couple's enjoyment of sex inside marriage, but He also wants them to learn to trust Him together. When a Christian man and woman systematically work together to deny their own physical desires as an expression of mutual faith and submission to Jesus, they are laying a solid spiritual foundation for their marriage. They are learning to fight sin as a team. They are learning to pray for each other, care for each other and challenge each other. They are submitting to Jesus Christ as the Lord of their relationship.
We need a clear game plan that will align our heart and actions with God's plan. The motive for our self control should be God's glory. During courtship, guarding each other's purity and refraining from sexual intimacy are acts of lovemaking. A Christian man and woman have to agree that sexual intimacy before marriage is unloving. Before marriage, true love is expressed through guarding and refraining. Remember lust is never satisfied. Lust likes to tell us that we will be satisfied if we we just give in and we won't unless we do. Do not delight in sin and give in, once you do you will never be satisfied.
It is tempting during courtship and especially engagement to begin to fantasize abot love making with your future spouse. Be careful and joyful, God centered anticipation doesn't turn into lust. Even though it's not easy, you still need to guard your heart. It is never right to fantasize about sexual immorality and it is very easy to go from imagining the wedding night to sinful fantasy.
The reality of indwelling sin and the deceit of lust is why fighting and avoiding sexual sin requires a game plan. Specific guidelines for your physical relationship can NEVER replace humble reliance on the Holy Spirit--but they can reinforce your biblical convictions. Every couple needs to search Scripture and come up with their own specific guidelines. These should never become a replacement for prayer and constant reliance on the Spirit but should be seen as an expression of a sincere desire to please and obey God. A vague definition of righteousness quickly leads to compromise. We can't start by making our guidelines. Our heart's desire has to be a desire to honor God with our hearts and bodies and to serve others. Only the Holy Spirit can work in us to change us, but an important part of receiving and applying God's grace in our lives is establishing behavior that flees from temptation and says no to sin. This involves establishing guidelines--rules--that help us. These rules aren't our hope, they don't earn us God's love, and they are our starting point; but they can help s put our convictions into action.
I encourage you to make as many parts of your physical relationship as you can precious and treasured parts of marriage. True love plans. Do you really care for each other? Then spend your courtship storing up passion and planning for thrilling and God-glorifying sex. The most important thing you can do during this time is to think biblically about sex, to love God's plan and to battle the lust and impatience in you that will try to destroy it. The effort will be more than worth it. Each time yo feel as though you are denying yourselves, you're actually blessing yourselves. Each time you walk away from temptation and refuse to stoke the fires of passion prematurely, you're sending yourselves the best gifts you'll receive on the day of your wedding--gifts of trust and respect and increased passion and oh how God will be glorified.
Monday, January 19, 2009
More Than Friends, Less than Lovers...Courtship- Dating Part 4
What is your definition of a successful dating/courtship/relationship? "I believe that in a God-glorifying, wisdom-guided courtship we have two central priorities. The first is to treat each other with holiness and sincerity; the second is to make an informed and WISE decision about marriage. In courtship our goals should be to grow and guard. We want to grow closer so we can truly know each other's character, but we also want to guard each other's hearts because the outcome of our relationship is still unknown." 2 Corinthians 1:12 sums it up, "Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God. We have done so not according to worldly wisdom but according to God's grace." "Maintaining the priorities of growing and guarding make courtship something of a balancing act. You have the clear purpose to consider marriage, but you also need to fight the urge to assume you are going to get married. If we are too guarded, we won't move forward in the relationship; if we grow close too fast, we risk emotional injury or unwise choices later on. There's a tension you want to maintain. Just remember it is a good tension. If God leads you into marriage, you won't need to guard your hearts--you'll belong to each other completely. Enjoy it. Don't rush. Don't despise or hurry the in-between time of courtship, even though you often feel the tension. Instead, treasure the season. Balancing the need to grow and guard during courtship is necessary and fulfilling part of making the journey towards marriage wisely and with holiness and sincerity. We need to grow and guard in the areas of friendship, fellowship and romance."
FRIENDSHIP- "The first and most important thing you can do in your courtship is to deepen your friendship. Growing in friendship involves learning through conversation who you are as individuals. It's having fun together and spending quality and quantity time together. Look for ways to share the different parts of your life---the fun, the mundane, and the in between. Work together and play together AND serve side by side. The strategic question to keep in mind is: How can you let each other see the REAL you? The focus should be getting to know each other not on creating premature intimacy or emotional dependence. Don't grab for more intimacy than is warranted. The focus will change as mutual confidence and commitment deepens. You'll earn access to each other's hearts over time.
FELLOWSHIP- "IT MUST HAVE A SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION! For your relationship to be strong, love for the Lord must be the common passion of your hearts. Growing in biblical fellowship involves sharing with other Christians the most important aspect of our lives--the reality of Jesus and His work in us. It involves praying together as well as taking time to talk about what God is teaching you in your individual walks with Him. Another important part of fellowship is spurring each other on in righteousness. Guarding the fruit of true biblical fellowship means increasing your love and passion for the Lord, not your emotional dependence on each other. Your goal is to point each other to Him. Another part in guarding our hearts in fellowship involves making sure we're not trying to take God's place in each others lives. Remind each other to find your soul's satisfaction in God ALONE.
ROMANCE- "Growing in romance should only take place when friendship and fellowship are deepening. Men it is your privilege to be the initiators of romantic expression in our courtships. Giver her cards and write her encouraging notes. Give her flowers and tell her how special you think she is. The most romantic things a man can do for a woman are the little things that let her know that she's on his mind and in his heart. The goal is to tell the truth about the relationship. It doesn't serve a girl if a man's romantic expression is too far ahead or too far behind. When a man knows he wants to marry a girl, he can begin seeking to win her heart. God-honoring "wooing" is neither licentious nor manipulative. It's pure, it's sincere, and it's backed up by a desire for lifelong commitment. Romantic passion awakened without commitment can lead to sin and regret. "
So what about communication? "Authentic communication is a skill that takes time, effort, and determination to learn. It also takes humility. Here are some principles ...keep in mind our goals in a God-glorifying relationship which is treating each other with holiness and sincerity and to make an informed and wise decision about marriage.
1. Communication Problems are Usually Heart Problems- Our lips are merely the messengers of our heart. Our words flow out of what's inside of us. If our words are selfish, sinful and uncaring, it is because we are sinful, selfish and uncaring.
2. Your ears are your most important communication tools- Often the best thing we can do is keep our lips sealed. Are you quick to listen? Listening is an expression of humility and genuine concern for others. The Bible tells us that a fool "delights in airing his own opinions" (prov 18:2). Don't be a fool. Listen twice as much as you talk.
3. Good communication doesn't happen by accident- Communication is something that we have to plan for and work at. Men should assume the responsibility of initiating meaningful conversations in the relationship.
4. The absence of conflict doesn't equal good communication- Our goal shouldn't be to avoid conflict but to learn to work through it and resolve it in a God-honoring way. Here are some tips
a. Learn to express your feelings and frustrations honestly but without attacking or accusing the other person (prov 11:9)
b. Choose words, expressions and a tone of voice that are kind and gentle. (Prov 15:1)
c. Don't exaggerate, distort or stretch the truth. (Eph 4:25)
d. Give actual and specific examples...don't use generalizations.
e. Commit yourself to seeking solutions instead of airing your grievances. Getting even isn't the goal--you want things resolved. (Romans 12:17-21)
f. Refuse to indulge bitterness, anger, withdrawal or argument. (Eph 4:26)
g. Don't hesitate to acknowledge your own failure and be quick to forgive. Make sure you don't hold a grudge. (Luke 17:3-4)
h. Keep talking and asking questions until you both understand clearly what the other person is saying and feeling and encourage each other as you press on towards the solution. (Romans 14:19)
i. Train your mouth and heart until you can say the right thing, in the right way at the right time for the right reasons.
5. Motive is more important than technique- Having a godly motive for your communication is key. He wants our motive to be to sincerely love and serve others. A Godly motive radically changes how and what we communicate in courtship. Instead of using words to gratify ourselves, we use them to glorify God and put the interests of others first.
You will guard as you make sure that you don't promise or imply deeper level of commitment or confidence in the relationship than you really have. As your relationship deepens and your confidence for marriage increases, you will want to begin discussing topics related to marriage. But don't get ahead of yourselves. You still need to guard.
You can't love what you don't know. You can't be truly loved if you're not truly known. And the only way to know and be known by another person is to communicate--openly, honestly, sincerely, humbly. So let's be courageous. We know what to do with our ears and our hearts and our lips."
We need to embrace our God given roles as men and women. Too often in today's society there is a mismatched confusion...a jumbled mess. Josh Harris asks the question, "If boys would be men, would girls be ladies?" I would say yes. "Before we can glorify God in our relationships with each other, we have to understand and embrace the unique roles God has assigned us as men and women.
For The Men...
"The world cries for men who are strong---strong in conviction, strong to lead, to stand, to suffer.
1. Assume the responsibility of leading and initiating your relationships with women- Leading is a form of serving. When you provide direction, suggest ideas, and initiate conversations or activities, you're serving your sisters. A servant leadership requires work. It means sacrifice. It means going out on a limb and proposing ideas, setting direction and inviting others to follow. It means listening, taking other's interests and needs into account and adjusting as necessary. It means deferring to others at times. Leadership isn't tyranny; it is service rendered.
2. Be a spiritual leader in your relationships with women.- Men should set the spiritual pace in the relationships they have with women. Men should be the ones to make sure that our relationships are deep and meaningful and not merely entertaining and superficial, but God focused and characterized by deep spiritual fellowship. Don't be content to be spiritually luke-warm so to speak but strive to be the example of what it looks like to passionately pursue the Lord.
3. Do little things in your relationship with women that communicate you care, respect and desire to protect. - Simply be a gentleman to the women in your life. You do these things to bring God glory not merely to win someone's heart but because you desire to serve her as your sisters in Christ.
4. Encourage women to embrace Godly femininity.- We as men should be the biggest encourager's and prayer warriors for women who are seeking to glorify God by practicing Godly femininity.
NOW FOR THE GIRLS...
1. In your Godly relationship with men, encourage and make room for them to practice servant leadership.- It is a man's biggest temptation to be passive and a woman's biggest temptation to take control. You can encourage men to be men by refusing to do the work of leadership for them. With God's help you can do this! And when a man does lead encourage Him and thank Him, show Him you appreciate it.
2. Be a sister to the men in your life.- The first way you should view a Christian guy is as your brother. No categories of "potential whatevers". Be a sister to the Christian men in your life. Pray for them. Encourage them. Spur them on.
3. Cultivate the attitude that motherhood is a noble and fulfilling calling.- Please don't believe our culture's lie about motherhood. If God has placed that desire in your heart, don't be embarrassed by it. Don't hesitate to learn the skills that will one day allow you to serve a family.
4. Cultivate godliness and inward beauty in your life.- If you want godly men to respect and cherish you as a woman, refuse to buy in to our culture's obsession with being physically beautiful and sexually alluring. This is an attitude that springs from the motives of the heart and extends to the way you dress and act around men. Remember it is the "unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" (1 Peter 3:4). Grace will make you beautiful and will attract truly godly men to you. Make godliness and inward beauty your priority.
The Bible points us back to the priority of the local church and our need for encouragement and strength from other Christians in EVERY part of life---including romance. So what do we need others for in a relationship?
1. Community reminds us of reality- Romance can cloud a person's view of reality. When our emotions and feelings are in gear, it is difficult to be objective. Invite reality checks and don't ignore what they reveal even if your flesh doesn't want to hear it.
2. Community provides protection- As men we should invite the Christian father into the relationship. We should ask permission to pursue a relationship with her and acknowledge his authority and leadership in her life. Don't try to undermine his leadership--honor it even if it means waiting longer or doing things differently than you have planned. As the woman, if you have a godly father involve him in this part of your life. Talk to him and your mom about the kind of husband you are praying for and get their counsel. Draft your dad as your personal boy screener.
3. Community provides accountability- Christian accountability is inviting others to help us live by what we know is right. It is asking them to challenge, to inquire and to question us so that our actions line up with our convictions.
Community allows us to multiply our joy. When we share something with others, we increase our own enjoyment. When you are growing in your love for someone, it's wonderful to watch your friends and family falling in love with that person too."
FRIENDSHIP- "The first and most important thing you can do in your courtship is to deepen your friendship. Growing in friendship involves learning through conversation who you are as individuals. It's having fun together and spending quality and quantity time together. Look for ways to share the different parts of your life---the fun, the mundane, and the in between. Work together and play together AND serve side by side. The strategic question to keep in mind is: How can you let each other see the REAL you? The focus should be getting to know each other not on creating premature intimacy or emotional dependence. Don't grab for more intimacy than is warranted. The focus will change as mutual confidence and commitment deepens. You'll earn access to each other's hearts over time.
FELLOWSHIP- "IT MUST HAVE A SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION! For your relationship to be strong, love for the Lord must be the common passion of your hearts. Growing in biblical fellowship involves sharing with other Christians the most important aspect of our lives--the reality of Jesus and His work in us. It involves praying together as well as taking time to talk about what God is teaching you in your individual walks with Him. Another important part of fellowship is spurring each other on in righteousness. Guarding the fruit of true biblical fellowship means increasing your love and passion for the Lord, not your emotional dependence on each other. Your goal is to point each other to Him. Another part in guarding our hearts in fellowship involves making sure we're not trying to take God's place in each others lives. Remind each other to find your soul's satisfaction in God ALONE.
ROMANCE- "Growing in romance should only take place when friendship and fellowship are deepening. Men it is your privilege to be the initiators of romantic expression in our courtships. Giver her cards and write her encouraging notes. Give her flowers and tell her how special you think she is. The most romantic things a man can do for a woman are the little things that let her know that she's on his mind and in his heart. The goal is to tell the truth about the relationship. It doesn't serve a girl if a man's romantic expression is too far ahead or too far behind. When a man knows he wants to marry a girl, he can begin seeking to win her heart. God-honoring "wooing" is neither licentious nor manipulative. It's pure, it's sincere, and it's backed up by a desire for lifelong commitment. Romantic passion awakened without commitment can lead to sin and regret. "
So what about communication? "Authentic communication is a skill that takes time, effort, and determination to learn. It also takes humility. Here are some principles ...keep in mind our goals in a God-glorifying relationship which is treating each other with holiness and sincerity and to make an informed and wise decision about marriage.
1. Communication Problems are Usually Heart Problems- Our lips are merely the messengers of our heart. Our words flow out of what's inside of us. If our words are selfish, sinful and uncaring, it is because we are sinful, selfish and uncaring.
2. Your ears are your most important communication tools- Often the best thing we can do is keep our lips sealed. Are you quick to listen? Listening is an expression of humility and genuine concern for others. The Bible tells us that a fool "delights in airing his own opinions" (prov 18:2). Don't be a fool. Listen twice as much as you talk.
3. Good communication doesn't happen by accident- Communication is something that we have to plan for and work at. Men should assume the responsibility of initiating meaningful conversations in the relationship.
4. The absence of conflict doesn't equal good communication- Our goal shouldn't be to avoid conflict but to learn to work through it and resolve it in a God-honoring way. Here are some tips
a. Learn to express your feelings and frustrations honestly but without attacking or accusing the other person (prov 11:9)
b. Choose words, expressions and a tone of voice that are kind and gentle. (Prov 15:1)
c. Don't exaggerate, distort or stretch the truth. (Eph 4:25)
d. Give actual and specific examples...don't use generalizations.
e. Commit yourself to seeking solutions instead of airing your grievances. Getting even isn't the goal--you want things resolved. (Romans 12:17-21)
f. Refuse to indulge bitterness, anger, withdrawal or argument. (Eph 4:26)
g. Don't hesitate to acknowledge your own failure and be quick to forgive. Make sure you don't hold a grudge. (Luke 17:3-4)
h. Keep talking and asking questions until you both understand clearly what the other person is saying and feeling and encourage each other as you press on towards the solution. (Romans 14:19)
i. Train your mouth and heart until you can say the right thing, in the right way at the right time for the right reasons.
5. Motive is more important than technique- Having a godly motive for your communication is key. He wants our motive to be to sincerely love and serve others. A Godly motive radically changes how and what we communicate in courtship. Instead of using words to gratify ourselves, we use them to glorify God and put the interests of others first.
You will guard as you make sure that you don't promise or imply deeper level of commitment or confidence in the relationship than you really have. As your relationship deepens and your confidence for marriage increases, you will want to begin discussing topics related to marriage. But don't get ahead of yourselves. You still need to guard.
You can't love what you don't know. You can't be truly loved if you're not truly known. And the only way to know and be known by another person is to communicate--openly, honestly, sincerely, humbly. So let's be courageous. We know what to do with our ears and our hearts and our lips."
We need to embrace our God given roles as men and women. Too often in today's society there is a mismatched confusion...a jumbled mess. Josh Harris asks the question, "If boys would be men, would girls be ladies?" I would say yes. "Before we can glorify God in our relationships with each other, we have to understand and embrace the unique roles God has assigned us as men and women.
For The Men...
"The world cries for men who are strong---strong in conviction, strong to lead, to stand, to suffer.
1. Assume the responsibility of leading and initiating your relationships with women- Leading is a form of serving. When you provide direction, suggest ideas, and initiate conversations or activities, you're serving your sisters. A servant leadership requires work. It means sacrifice. It means going out on a limb and proposing ideas, setting direction and inviting others to follow. It means listening, taking other's interests and needs into account and adjusting as necessary. It means deferring to others at times. Leadership isn't tyranny; it is service rendered.
2. Be a spiritual leader in your relationships with women.- Men should set the spiritual pace in the relationships they have with women. Men should be the ones to make sure that our relationships are deep and meaningful and not merely entertaining and superficial, but God focused and characterized by deep spiritual fellowship. Don't be content to be spiritually luke-warm so to speak but strive to be the example of what it looks like to passionately pursue the Lord.
3. Do little things in your relationship with women that communicate you care, respect and desire to protect. - Simply be a gentleman to the women in your life. You do these things to bring God glory not merely to win someone's heart but because you desire to serve her as your sisters in Christ.
4. Encourage women to embrace Godly femininity.- We as men should be the biggest encourager's and prayer warriors for women who are seeking to glorify God by practicing Godly femininity.
NOW FOR THE GIRLS...
1. In your Godly relationship with men, encourage and make room for them to practice servant leadership.- It is a man's biggest temptation to be passive and a woman's biggest temptation to take control. You can encourage men to be men by refusing to do the work of leadership for them. With God's help you can do this! And when a man does lead encourage Him and thank Him, show Him you appreciate it.
2. Be a sister to the men in your life.- The first way you should view a Christian guy is as your brother. No categories of "potential whatevers". Be a sister to the Christian men in your life. Pray for them. Encourage them. Spur them on.
3. Cultivate the attitude that motherhood is a noble and fulfilling calling.- Please don't believe our culture's lie about motherhood. If God has placed that desire in your heart, don't be embarrassed by it. Don't hesitate to learn the skills that will one day allow you to serve a family.
4. Cultivate godliness and inward beauty in your life.- If you want godly men to respect and cherish you as a woman, refuse to buy in to our culture's obsession with being physically beautiful and sexually alluring. This is an attitude that springs from the motives of the heart and extends to the way you dress and act around men. Remember it is the "unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" (1 Peter 3:4). Grace will make you beautiful and will attract truly godly men to you. Make godliness and inward beauty your priority.
The Bible points us back to the priority of the local church and our need for encouragement and strength from other Christians in EVERY part of life---including romance. So what do we need others for in a relationship?
1. Community reminds us of reality- Romance can cloud a person's view of reality. When our emotions and feelings are in gear, it is difficult to be objective. Invite reality checks and don't ignore what they reveal even if your flesh doesn't want to hear it.
2. Community provides protection- As men we should invite the Christian father into the relationship. We should ask permission to pursue a relationship with her and acknowledge his authority and leadership in her life. Don't try to undermine his leadership--honor it even if it means waiting longer or doing things differently than you have planned. As the woman, if you have a godly father involve him in this part of your life. Talk to him and your mom about the kind of husband you are praying for and get their counsel. Draft your dad as your personal boy screener.
3. Community provides accountability- Christian accountability is inviting others to help us live by what we know is right. It is asking them to challenge, to inquire and to question us so that our actions line up with our convictions.
Community allows us to multiply our joy. When we share something with others, we increase our own enjoyment. When you are growing in your love for someone, it's wonderful to watch your friends and family falling in love with that person too."
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Lets Get To The Point: Relationships Part 3
Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris PART ONE
There is no point in getting in an argument about the difference between "dating" and "courtship" or which one you find more appropriate etc. What is more important is getting to the heart of the matter...understanding romance from the perspective of the Creator of it. Getting romance right from Jesus' perspective is seeing God's glory as the ultimate purpose/goal of EVERY relationship (marriage, friendship, parent to child etc.). Jesus may have never taught a sermon on "dating" so to speak but He did teach about the right way to do relationships. When asked about what was the most important commandment Jesus responds in Mark 12:29-33 like this "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'There is no commandment greater than these"Well said, teacher," the man replied. "You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."
"Jesus is saying that what really matters in life is to love God with every fiber of our being--heart, soul, mind and strength--and to let that love spill over into the way we treat our fellow man. He's telling us that if we want to get life right we need to make it about God's glory." Paul said it great in 1 Cor 10:31, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." So what essentials should we possess in every relationship?
1. Joyful Obedience to God's Word
2. Selfless Desire to do What is Best for the Other Person
3. Humble Embrace of Community
4. A Commitment to Guard the Sacredness of Sex
5. A Deep Satisfaction in God
"Romance is a very good thing. But just because it is good doesn't mean that we can enjoy it whenever and however we please. Like all other good gifts God made , romantic love can be misused. Song of Solomon is filled ith reminders not to remove that passion from the boundaries of God's timing and purpose (8:4). Matching romance with wisdom doesn't necessarily mean that you do the opposite of what you want. What it does mean is that you learn to do what's best. When we guide romance with wisdom, we have skillful romance--romance that is directed by what is true about God and about the world He has made. So here are three helpful tips on combining the two...
1. Romance says, "I want it now!" Wisdom urges patience- Proverbs 19:11 says, "A man's wisdom gives him patience." Wisdom calls us to slow down. We can be patient because we know that God is sovereign and that He is faithful. Patience is an expression of the trust that God is the Master planner. Don't let impatience lead you to rush. Take your time. Enjoy here God has the two of you right now. Savor each moment, don't settle for less.
2. Romance says, "Let feelings decide what happens." Wisdom leads us to pursue a purposeful relationship- The way of sin it to try to separate feelings from commitment. In Proverbs, foolishness is portrayed as a wicked seductress who lures her victim with the offer of romantic and sexual pleasure devoid of responsibility. So what is courtship? Dating with a purpose. It's friendship plus possiblity. It's romance chaperoned by wisdom. IT's not without risk; it is simply a way to be careful with the other person's heart while opening up your lives together to God's joyful best.
3. Romance says, "Enjoy the fantasy." Wisdom calls us to bas our emotions and perceptions in reality.- Prov 19:2 says "It is not good to have zeal without knowledge nor to be hasty and miss the way." In a relationship, if our values are godly and our perception of what we value is accurate, our emotions will be appropriate and healthy. But if either is out of sync with the truth, our emotions will be inappropriate and unhealthy. Our goal should be to be properly excited about what is really important. The skillful romance doesn't disdain or rule out emotions and passion. But it does call us to make sure that these feelings are flowing from reality, not rationalization. We want the TRUE character of someone to win our heart. We want our emotions to respond to who they really are and to the true status of the relationship.
The problems we see in relationships today---the impatience, the lack of purpose, and the misguided emotions--are expressions of foolishness. We need wisdom. Wisdom complements romance."
There is a story of a guy who talked to his parents and pastor and the Lord about whether he was ready for marriage. He wrote down these questions:
1. Am I prepared to lead my wife spiritually and serve her in EVERY way?
2. Do I have proven character in all areas and am I growing in godliness?
3. To whom and for whom am I accountable?
4. How am I involved in my local church? What are my gift areas? What are hers?
5. Are my motives for pursuing marriage selfish and worldly or do they honor God?
6. Can I provide financially now?
7. What do my pastors and parents have to say?
John Calvin once said, "The evil in our desire typically does not lie in what we want, but in that we want it too much."
"We need to remember that God is interested in the journey and not just the destination. God is in no rush. He wants to use this process, all the questions and uncertainties it involves to refine us , sanctify us, and increase our faith. Make sure you don't overspiritualize decision making. God uses very practical means. God knows all things. He knows whom we'll marry before we meet him or her. But that doesn't mean our task is to discover what He already knows or to worry that we might miss His perfect plan. Our responsibility is to love Him, study His Word, deepen our relationship with Him, serve Him, and learn to evaluate our choices in light of biblical wisdom. Do we sin, fail and messup? Yes, but God works through our choices and actions---even our missteps--to accomplish His best in our lives. And remember that often times our romanticized ideal of what we want in a spouse is often different from what God says matters. We need to make sure that we don't let our own romanticized and foolish notions lead us into marrying a person who lacks Godly character.
Perhaps after all our worries and questions, we'll discover that all along God had the right thing at the right time for us. Perhaps His plan is more wonderful than anything we could create by ourselves--perhaps we should entrust our questions of how? and who? and when? into His tender care." After all...He gets it right every time!
There is no point in getting in an argument about the difference between "dating" and "courtship" or which one you find more appropriate etc. What is more important is getting to the heart of the matter...understanding romance from the perspective of the Creator of it. Getting romance right from Jesus' perspective is seeing God's glory as the ultimate purpose/goal of EVERY relationship (marriage, friendship, parent to child etc.). Jesus may have never taught a sermon on "dating" so to speak but He did teach about the right way to do relationships. When asked about what was the most important commandment Jesus responds in Mark 12:29-33 like this "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'There is no commandment greater than these"Well said, teacher," the man replied. "You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."
"Jesus is saying that what really matters in life is to love God with every fiber of our being--heart, soul, mind and strength--and to let that love spill over into the way we treat our fellow man. He's telling us that if we want to get life right we need to make it about God's glory." Paul said it great in 1 Cor 10:31, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." So what essentials should we possess in every relationship?
1. Joyful Obedience to God's Word
2. Selfless Desire to do What is Best for the Other Person
3. Humble Embrace of Community
4. A Commitment to Guard the Sacredness of Sex
5. A Deep Satisfaction in God
"Romance is a very good thing. But just because it is good doesn't mean that we can enjoy it whenever and however we please. Like all other good gifts God made , romantic love can be misused. Song of Solomon is filled ith reminders not to remove that passion from the boundaries of God's timing and purpose (8:4). Matching romance with wisdom doesn't necessarily mean that you do the opposite of what you want. What it does mean is that you learn to do what's best. When we guide romance with wisdom, we have skillful romance--romance that is directed by what is true about God and about the world He has made. So here are three helpful tips on combining the two...
1. Romance says, "I want it now!" Wisdom urges patience- Proverbs 19:11 says, "A man's wisdom gives him patience." Wisdom calls us to slow down. We can be patient because we know that God is sovereign and that He is faithful. Patience is an expression of the trust that God is the Master planner. Don't let impatience lead you to rush. Take your time. Enjoy here God has the two of you right now. Savor each moment, don't settle for less.
2. Romance says, "Let feelings decide what happens." Wisdom leads us to pursue a purposeful relationship- The way of sin it to try to separate feelings from commitment. In Proverbs, foolishness is portrayed as a wicked seductress who lures her victim with the offer of romantic and sexual pleasure devoid of responsibility. So what is courtship? Dating with a purpose. It's friendship plus possiblity. It's romance chaperoned by wisdom. IT's not without risk; it is simply a way to be careful with the other person's heart while opening up your lives together to God's joyful best.
3. Romance says, "Enjoy the fantasy." Wisdom calls us to bas our emotions and perceptions in reality.- Prov 19:2 says "It is not good to have zeal without knowledge nor to be hasty and miss the way." In a relationship, if our values are godly and our perception of what we value is accurate, our emotions will be appropriate and healthy. But if either is out of sync with the truth, our emotions will be inappropriate and unhealthy. Our goal should be to be properly excited about what is really important. The skillful romance doesn't disdain or rule out emotions and passion. But it does call us to make sure that these feelings are flowing from reality, not rationalization. We want the TRUE character of someone to win our heart. We want our emotions to respond to who they really are and to the true status of the relationship.
The problems we see in relationships today---the impatience, the lack of purpose, and the misguided emotions--are expressions of foolishness. We need wisdom. Wisdom complements romance."
There is a story of a guy who talked to his parents and pastor and the Lord about whether he was ready for marriage. He wrote down these questions:
1. Am I prepared to lead my wife spiritually and serve her in EVERY way?
2. Do I have proven character in all areas and am I growing in godliness?
3. To whom and for whom am I accountable?
4. How am I involved in my local church? What are my gift areas? What are hers?
5. Are my motives for pursuing marriage selfish and worldly or do they honor God?
6. Can I provide financially now?
7. What do my pastors and parents have to say?
John Calvin once said, "The evil in our desire typically does not lie in what we want, but in that we want it too much."
"We need to remember that God is interested in the journey and not just the destination. God is in no rush. He wants to use this process, all the questions and uncertainties it involves to refine us , sanctify us, and increase our faith. Make sure you don't overspiritualize decision making. God uses very practical means. God knows all things. He knows whom we'll marry before we meet him or her. But that doesn't mean our task is to discover what He already knows or to worry that we might miss His perfect plan. Our responsibility is to love Him, study His Word, deepen our relationship with Him, serve Him, and learn to evaluate our choices in light of biblical wisdom. Do we sin, fail and messup? Yes, but God works through our choices and actions---even our missteps--to accomplish His best in our lives. And remember that often times our romanticized ideal of what we want in a spouse is often different from what God says matters. We need to make sure that we don't let our own romanticized and foolish notions lead us into marrying a person who lacks Godly character.
Perhaps after all our worries and questions, we'll discover that all along God had the right thing at the right time for us. Perhaps His plan is more wonderful than anything we could create by ourselves--perhaps we should entrust our questions of how? and who? and when? into His tender care." After all...He gets it right every time!
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