Battling Unbelief in Anxiety

"For some reason, we think of doubt and worry as “small” sins. But when a Christian displays unbelief…or an inability to cope with life, he is saying to the world, “My God cannot be trusted,” and that kind of disrespect makes one guilty of a fundamental error, the heinous sin of dishonoring God. That is no small sin." -John MacArthur

It is often times those "respectable" sins, as Jerry Bridges likes to call them, that we seem to sweep under the mat and disregard in our Christian lives. One of these sins is something that over the years I have often struggled with and although the Lord has sanctified me in this area it is still something I tend to disregard and gloss over especially when it seems like it is justifiable...how foolish. Anxiety, it is a sin that has manifested itself in my life time and time again and a sin that I have found myself battling head on in the past few weeks. It isn't by chance that the Lord has written verses on my heart like Philippians 4:6-7 and Matthew 6, and it isn't by chance that He continually allows me to endure tests so to speak in this area in an attempt to make me more like Jesus, worry free!

Have you ever asked yourself, what do I have to worry about if God is in control? I know that is something that goes on in my head quite often. It is a contradiction to say I trust and believe that, as Romans 8:28 says, God is working ALL things together for good, to then turn around and question that working by worrying or stressing. I remember always justifying my anxiety an stress by saying that God made me a "type-A" and because of that there really is nothing I can do. I am a perfectionist and want to do my best in everything and therefore I can't help but stress over even the little things. I was sitting in a biblical counseling class a few years back when God hit me with a ton of bricks and showed me that that "type-A" personality, which by the way is a psychological labeling, was in no way an excuse for sinful behavior. I was NOT in control, the Sovereign of the universe was and is. And although I am called to exhibit wisdom and prudence in all that I do, I must ALWAYS hold remember "if the Lord wills" and trust that every circumstance, situation, trial etc. that comes into my life has been providentially placed by a good and faithful God. That blew my mind! I guess I always knew that Truth but it wasn't until that moment that I saw my sin in that area as HUGE and DETESTABLE and that I was determined, in the Lord's power, to be refined and to have victory in that area. So here I am three years later and I can praise God for the work He has done in that area...is He done? No, not yet as I know that refining takes time, but it doesn't negate the fact that I am to pursue holiness through putting off and putting on.

So what does all this have to do with today? Well, I recently started my second semester in my M.A.T. program (amongst many other exciting things going on in my personal life) and lets just say I am a wee bit overwhelmed, or was I should say. I am the student who gets "syllabus shock" day one. I see that list of projects, assignments, exams, etc. and my mind begins reeling through how everything is going to play out. Here I am, August 25th and I am stressing over something I want to get done ASAP that is due December 1st...no joke! I almost laugh at myself just thinking about it. Why am I worrying? Why am I stressing? Why is anxiety robbing me of my joy that day? Do I really think that God is going to leave me high and dry so to speak? That my God isn't going to equip where He calls? That my God isn't going to give me the grace I need for each day and enable me to faithfully fulfill the callings He has placed in my life? These questions, and ones like it began pouring into my mind and I began to feel the Spirit's conviction. I was in sin, I was not trusting the perfect God. JMAC often says that worry in essence is a lack of faith in God (as above). Think about that for a minute...a lack of faith in God, in other words disbelief. My sin is not worry, it is not anxiety, well it is, but it goes much deeper, it is really me not trusting the One who saved me, the one who holds the universe in His hands, the one who is actively working, who by the way has numbered and written all my days from before the foundation of time. This is a BIG sin. How and why would I not trust Him?!

I began to recall verses like Philippians 4 and reminded myself that I have to attack the worry in my heart, right when it starts. I need to stop, to stop allowing my mind to wander and lead to anxiety that plagues my spirit. I need to counterattack with exactly what Philippians 4 says, PRAYER and time in the Word! Prayer is powerful, James reminds us of that in chapter 5, that the prayer of a righteous man is powerful AND effective. We have a weapon so to speak, a superpower if you like, a mighty strong privilege that allows us to bend our knee before the Creator of all and cry out to Him for grace and mercy each day. Not only that but HE hears us and answers! I jumped into my car a few days ago when my worry began and opened up to Matthew 6 and read Jesus' words about worry and cried out to Him. I read over the verse that talks about how he cares for the sparrows in the sky and my heart sunk...God is interested in a sparrow, how much more in me, the creation made in His image. The fact that He loves me blows my mind, that He is intimately involved in EVERY facet of my life and that He wants to help me overcome this struggle and be made more like Jesus is incredible. I am so thankful for the work He is doing in me to teach me to trust Him continually, to lay my cares at His feet knowing He cares for me and that He already has it all worked out. He will continue to give me grace I need for each day, my desire needs to be faithfulness to that day to make Him famous in all I do. There is no greater love than the One who laid down His life for me and who reigns today next to the Father in heaven, and He deserves nothing less than all my trust and all my praise for He is faithfully and sovereignly perfect in ALL things...I have no excuse and nothing to worry about, EVER!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" -Matthew 6:26-27