Captivating...BEWARE

A Book Review by Christa Blakey...pastor's wife at Compass

I’ve just finished reading the popular John and Stasi Eldredge book, Captivating. This book is designed to address the life of a woman and the role she has to play. It was written to do for women what John Eldredge’s Wild At Heart did for men. It also says that God longs to have a personal relationship with us. However this book misses the mark in making these two points. Here are some of the problems that make this book spiritually unprofitable–

-Generalizations. In the first chapter the Eldredge’s state that “every woman in her heart longs for three things: to be romanced, to play and irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty.” In the rest of the book they attribute why women don’t get these three things to the fact that their “Question” hasn’t been answered. They say that every woman is asking the question “Am I lovely?” Stasi seems to take her personal experience and personal desires and attribute them to every woman. She comes from a troubled past of depression, eating disorders, abuse and sexual promiscuity–this helps the reader understand some of where she is coming from, but for her to make her own experience out to be the problems with all women is not accurate by any stretch.

-Problems with Proverbs 31. Several times this book voices a problem with Proverbs 31. Speculating about “church women” and their model for femininity, they say,
“We’re all living in the shadow of that infamous icon, ‘The Proverbs 31
Woman,’ whose life is so busy I wonder, when does she have time for
friendships, for taking walks, or reading good books? Somehow she
has sanctified the shame most women live under, biblical proof that
yet again we don’t measure up. Is that supposed to be godly–the
sense that you are a failure as a woman?” (p.6)
The truth is that we are failures, all of us, men and women alike. That’s why we need Christ to save us and make us new creations (2 Cor. 5:17), set apart to do His good works (Eph. 2:10). We don’t need to feel good about ourselves or our efforts to measure up, that is the whole reason we need Christ–we don’t measure up. As believers our time on this earth is a life-long pursuit for Christ likeness. If we think the Proverbs 31 woman makes us feel bad to compare ourselves to, how do we feel when we look at ourselves compared to Jesus, who is perfect? We shouldn’t be resentful toward God’s Word, but should humbly accept what God calls us to and strive wholeheartedly to that end.

-Movies. Conclusions drawn from feelings/emotions and movies seem to be more valid than Scripture. I was surprised at how many movies they used for examples and illustrations for their points rather than looking to women in the Bible. Not only that, many of the movies they reference seem inappropriate.

-Taking Scripture out of context. The Eldredges constantly refer to the book Song of Songs to make their points. Even though this book clearly and specifically accounts Solomon’s relationship with the Shulamite maiden, this book uses verse after verse as God speaking to women.

For example, in the introduction of chapter seven Stasi tells of a walk she took one night in which she admired creation and complimented God saying, “It’s beautiful, Lord! The stars are amazing!” Apparently she “heard” a response, “I’m glad you like it, my Darling.” Stasi continues with her narrative, “I stopped dead in my tracks. I blushed. Did the God of the universe just call me ‘Darling’?” She tells how later she was reading Song of Songs and was amazed to have some sort of confirmation in chapter one verse fifteen, “How beautiful you are, my darling.”

Many other times the Eldredges make big statements without any Scriptural foundation at all. Two of the more troubling ones are:

“For the root of all holiness is Romance” (p. 113)
“You. You are meant to fill a place in the heart of God no one and nothing else can fill. Woah. He longs for you.” (p. 120)
-Confusing Biblical love with romance. Biblical love is defined as: patient, kind, not having envy, not proud, rude or selfish, doesn’t get upset easily, doesn’t think evil but rejoicing in truth, love bears all things, hopes and endures. Romance can be defined as: an emotional attraction, excitement, adventure and seeking to gain one’s favor with flattery.

-Assuming our desires are good. Throughout this book, the Eldredges seek to address women’s desires, may they be for acceptance, beauty, adventure or romance…they assume that all desires we have are God-given. They talk much about the core of a woman’s heart and the longings and desires that are there, but they never address the reality that our hearts are wicked and terribly deceived. Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?” At one point Proverbs 4:23 is quoted which says, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” The conclusion they make from this verse is that,

“Your feminine heart has been created with the greatest of all possible
dignities–as a reflection of God’s own heart. You are a woman to your
soul, to the very core of your being…When he created you as his woman
–that journey begins with your heart. Another way of saying this is that
the journey begins with desire.” (p.8)
I can have lots of desires that are self induced longings for things that God may not want there. Proverbs 3:5 gives a similar exhortation on this matter of the heart and desires: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding…” We should never assume that we have anything good in us and especially not that our own desires for things are somehow right simply because they exist. That is why I’m exhorted to guard my heart with diligence, it isn’t right or good, but deceitful and wicked.

-Vague on sin and salvation. The Eldredges do talk about God and mention salvation, but fail to do so in a clearly defined or Biblical light. In chapters three and four we are given an account of the creation and the fall where sin or salvation are referred to as “fallen Eve” or “redeemed Eve”. Sin is often referred to vaguely as having “fallen from grace”, “goes bad”, “fails” or is not “not measuring up”. The distinction of a woman being spiritually alive or spiritually dead is unclear. The Eldredges state that Satan hates women, because of her “beauty and power” (p. 85) making it seem as though the spiritual battles we face are between Satan and his evil forces and specifically women rather than believers. Another particularly troubling part claims that Christ has saved us so we can be ourselves.

“Now the Son of God has come to ransom you, and to heal your
broken, wounded, bleeding heart, and to set you free from bondage.
He came to restore the glorious creation that you are. And then set
you free…to be yourself.” (p. 95)
I’m very concerned about this claim, because Biblically the whole reason we’ve been set free from sin and death specifically is so that we can not be ourselves, but instead be like Christ. That’s why in 2 Corinthians 5:17 it says that “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” There are so many other issues in this book that I could address–assaulting spirits, taking medication for depression, Christian psychology, and the chapter called “Arousing Adam.” But the fundamental problem with this book is that it is woman-centered rather than God-centered. The Eldredges try to exalt women to a position that is nowhere found in Scripture.

“She is the crescendo, the final, astonishing work of God. Woman.
In one last flourish creation comes to a finish not with Adam,
but with Eve… Given the way creation unfolds, how it builds to
ever higher and higher works of art, can there be any doubt that
Eve is the crown of creation? Not an afterthought. Not a nice
addition like an ornament on a tree. She is God’s final touch, his
piece de resistance… Look out across the earth and say to yourselves,
‘The whole, vast world is incomplete without me.
“There is something uniquely magnificent and powerful about a woman.
We tried to reveal the immeasurable dignity, the holiness of your
feminine heart by showing that it is God who longs for Romance…
it is God who reveals beauty as essential to life. You are the image
bearer of this God. That is why you long for those things too. There
is a radiance hidden in your heart that the world desperately needs.” (p. 42)
“But most especially, he [Satan] hates Eve. Because she is captivating,
uniquely glorious, and he cannot be. She is the incarnation of the
Beauty of God. More than anything else in all creation,
she embodies the glory of God. She allures the world to God. (p. 84)
“You see, ultimately, a woman invites us to know God.” (p. 137)
This book tries to make God out to be a “lover” and our “Romancer” rather than teaching us to love Him with all our heart. If you are looking for a book that can help you grow as a godly woman, I would recommend several other authors whose books present a Biblical study of what God calls us to as women: Elizabeth Elliot, Elizabeth George, Martha Peace and Beth Moore. Some books that I’ve enjoyed in my pursuit to being a godly woman would include: Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney, Twelve Extraordinary Women by John MacArthur, Attitudes of a Transformed Heart by Martha Peace and Becoming a Woman Who Pleases God by Pat Ennis and Lisa Tatlock. I would encourage you to read any of these books and stay away from Captivating. The heresy the Eldredges are teaching in this book is not edifying for anyone to read. If you know someone who is reading this book, I would encourage you to talk with them about these problems. We need to exercise Biblical discernment and enjoy the relationship with God that He defines in His Word.