Trusting through Tears

I can't help but feel. Don't you sometimes wish that you were numb to emotion, to circumstances, to trials; I mean I know that all the pain I feel is a result of sin and that one day I will live free from it, but there are often times I want so badly to just be free from feeling. I recently have been bombarded with what has seemed like heartache to the max. My hurt hasn't stemmed from a circumstance in my own life or the sin that so easily entangles me but rather from a distance as I watch people that I love and have invested so much in simply draw nearer to the world and further from Him. I can't express the pain, the physical pain I feel within as I watch these people blindly living a life so far from what they used to, and from what the Bible commands. Despite the countless prayers and tears and the fact that I know God is in control the pain doesn't dissipate even though I have peace. And to be honest sometimes I sit and wonder what God is doing. I don't want to sound judgmental or that in some way I am putting myself on some pedastool because that is far from the Truth, I am merely experiencing the hurt and heartache of the sin of life.

Since the Lord saved me I have seen many of my friends come to the knowledge of the Lord, I have gained new brothers and sisters and God has enabled me to run with some, disciple others and be encouraged by many. Throughout the past eight almost nine years I have seen countless lives changed and the power of the Gospel displayed (Romans 1:16). It has been both humbling and well, it has pretty much rocked my socks off :). It is so amazing to see the power of God at work in the lives of people; and it is even cooler when we get to be used in some way to make that happen! From missions trips to youth ministry, from Christian colleges to coffee shops; I have seen God work through planting seeds, softening hearts and saving souls. All the glory goes to Him alone! Yet, within that time a parable that Jesus spoke long ago , as recorded in Matthew 13, has become more and more real than ever.

Many of us are familiar with the parable of the sower and the seeds, but fail to realize that Jesus was explaining exactly what was going to happen throughout the rest of history future. Lets look at the verses 1-9 :

" 1That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. 2Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore. 3Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9He who has ears, let him hear."

Here we see four types of seeds thrown out...

1) The seed that was thrown on the path and the birds snatched away
2) The seed that fell on rocky places with little soil that sprang up quickly but had no roots
3) The seed that was among the thorns and got choked
4) The seed that fell on good soil and produced a crop

And these four seeds describe four responses to the Gospel and four types of people...(V 18-21)

1) The people who reject the Gospel as the evil one snatches the Truth away
2) The people who look like Christians for a time but when hard times come they leave because there was no root
3) The people who hear the Gospel but the worries of life and the want of wealth choke it
4) The people who receive the Gospel and are saved and produces a crop

Throughout my life I have seen these four people and responses to the Gospel. The reality that the road is narrow and few will enter has become more and more real in my eyes. To say that my heart is burdened is an understatement; I look around at the people around me and I long for salvation to come to some and for fervor and passion to come for others. I desire so badly for people to receive the grace that God has afforded me and for God to move in radical ways for His glory. In the midst of my burden I am assured that God is working and that He is doing exactly what He has planned from before the foundation of time; and although it is not the way I may want it to be it is exactly how He wants it to be!

I have to face the cold hard fact that I am not going to understand it all. You know, someone once told me as I was discouraged by a seed that had fallen among the thorns that "Jesus had Judas". As funny as that might sound it brought me so much peace and encouragement because I realized that if the King of the universe had someone who betrayed Him, I too was going to have the same. Although these people may not have betrayed me they have betrayed my God and it breaks my heart! I so badly long for people to have a love for Christ that overwhelms them and a passion to run hard after Him, but what I realized is that I can't make it happen...only He can. Sounds simple enough, but how often I forget. I so often think I can change people, I can make them believe or turn from their sin or overcome something in their life, but I CAN'T...ONLY HE CAN! My job remains to speak Truth, to love and to get on my knees and pray, pray and pray some more!

As I sit here and remind myself of these precious Truths and find encouragement in His Words, I want to remind you who are fighting the good fight ( Philippians 3) and running the race to take heart, to press on and to endure through it all with your eyes fixed on Him; although you may not understand why God does what He does, why He hasn't saved the person you have prayed for for ten years or why your best friend is falling hard for the world; you can trust that God is working all things for His glory and His pleasure and that He is sovereign and in control. I want to leave you with one of my new favorite verses, please be encouraged and don't stop running. ""You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." -Isaiah 26:3